Skill Application #2: NATs and PATs
Nava Kazemian (215487234)
ORGS 4500 R
Developing Management Skills
Professor Stephen Friedman
Question 1: As far back as I can remember, I have struggled with negative thoughts, and it has negatively impacted most of my relationships. I have trouble expressing myself and communicating what I feel, and as a result a deep miscommunication, I start building awful negative scenarios in my head. I am now understanding that my NATs are completely made up scenarios in my head that are triggered by situations that make me uncomfortable, anxious, and my inability to communicate my feelings and/or what I need. For example, my boyfriend and I love to debate about politics, economy, etc… sometimes, I know what I am trying to say but I can’t communicate to him what I mean, so I end up getting frustrated and miscommunicating, and all that races through my head is that he thinks I am stupid so he is going to leave me, which I understand is very irrational but something I can’t control and believe in the moment. I have noticed that the negative thoughts that bother me most and impact me are ones that happen as a result of being unable to express myself. One thing that someone mentioned in our class really stuck with me works for me, they said when you’re feeling a certain way, let’s say you’re feeling anxious, allow yourself to feel it but make note of what you were thinking right before you got in the anxious state, I do this and write it down to track any patterns. My goal is to reduce my NATs which will in turn help me better communicate with a clearer mind, rather than from a place of negativity and anxiety, which will better my relationships with the people in my life.
Question 2: In the many articles I read that had to do with NATs, the suggested way to eliminate or mitigate them is to through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) (Cuncic, 2020). First, I have to recognize what situations trigger these thoughts, and then I will learn how to deal with them by converting negative thoughts into positive thoughts. I need to be very self-aware during this process and ensure I am recognizing when I am having these thoughts, and I need to be self-critical in order to learn about myself and how to overcome this problem. I have become very good at recognizing when I am having NATs, but I am struggling to turn them into PATs. The practice I have come to grow very fond of is always carrying my journal with me and writing down every time I have a NAT, what I was thinking before, who I was around, and generally writing down as much detail as I can. If I do not have my journal (which is rare, my purse is huge and has everything in it at all times), I type it in my notes app then transfer it over to paper whenever I get my journal. Writing these down has helped me become more self-aware and is allowing me to learn about my triggers. It has become routine for me, I am very good at recognizing when I’m having the thoughts, and I have found that most of the time, I have them when I am frustrated as a result of being unable to communicate and express my feelings. I have to start writing down positive alternatives for my negative thoughts, and with practice, I am hoping that the PATs will take over my NATs for the most part. When I am thinking more positively, it will allow me to think more clearly and less from a place of anxiety and emotion (which gives me brain fog) and more from a place of logic, so it will allow me to express myself more clearly as well.
Question 3: In order to measure my improvement, I have come up with a system that I believe will work well for me. My primarily goal is to be aware of all my NATs when I am having a disagreement/fight with my boyfriend, but I would ideally like to write down all my NATs in other situations as well, but I will be paying particular attention to my boyfriend scenario, as it bothers and impacts me the most. I want to cut down the amount of negative thoughts I have by at least 10%, a number that seems realistic to me, anymore may overwhelm and discourage me. I also want to be able to do about 5% more every month after the 3-month mark, but I am not going to be too strict on this and will allow myself to get a natural feel of when I am ready to up my 10% benchmark. 10% may seem like a low number for some, but I have a lot of NATs and I would rather underestimate a number than overestimate so that I stick to it long term. If I say I want to decrease by 30% (which is unrealistic for me) and I do any less, I will feel really bad about myself and stop doing the whole thing. The point where I have an argument with my boyfriend in a healthy way without thinking he is going to leave me is the point that I will feel successful in my process. I want to make sure that I have a safe space to express myself, and writing has always been that for me, so I will continue journaling and seeing if I develop new triggers and allow myself to get anything off my shoulders in a healthy way without constantly feeling like I am going to be abandoned. In my journals, I want to focus on what the disagreement has taught me, maybe it has taught me to be more patient, or to listen more, or maybe a new perspective that I did not think about. I feel like overtime, this will come naturally to me and I will replace my NATs with PATs.
Question 4: One night, my boyfriend and I were watching a video about the COVID vaccine, and there was a point we disagreed on, I knew what I wanted to say but I didn’t know how to say it, so I got frustrated and my voice began to get louder. Before I knew it, I was yelling, and my boyfriend got upset, I knew I would soon think “he’s upset, he wants to break up,” but then I stopped myself, I told him I need a minute to collect my thoughts, I went out for a 10 minute walk and at the end I went to my phone to write down about the NATs and the situation. I also wrote about what I learnt about the situation, I came back to him and apologized for being unkind and yelling and also communicated with him what I actually meant and that I learned that I misinterpret and take things personally when they really aren’t personal. He understood, and we made up. I was surprised that I was able to stop myself from thinking that thought before it happened. I knew that I would think it soon, but I removed my situation and thought about it before I allowed that anxiety to take over me, this is a huge step for me. Even though I did not come up with an alternative PAT, the fact that I was able to recognize a NAT would appear soon and I needed to get out of the situation before it did is a huge success for me. Through removing myself from the situation, recollecting myself, and coming back to him, I was able to effectively communicate what I meant, and we finished the debate on a very positive note. Now, I want to be able to communicate without even getting to the point that I am yelling and he is upset and so forth, I want to avoid that completely.
Question 5: This was a very positive experience for me. It was the first time I stopped myself from having a NAT when I knew that it was coming. I was very aware of the learning exercise and was kind of anticipating it for a few days, waiting for a time where I would naturally get a NAT to mitigate it and see if I am successful. I am now sure that I can prevent myself from have a NAT and I can also communicate what I mean and feel without getting too emotional and irrational. I feel like this is super beneficial for me and a huge step towards having PATs.
Question 6: Through all my journaling, I have realized that my NATs come to me most around people that I care about the most, in situations that I can take personally, and when I can’t communicate what I mean. The theory allowed me to know my triggers and prevent the NAT from happening when I felt it coming; as soon as I felt a trigger, I removed myself from the situation, or else, I knew it would escalate like it usually does. I also learned how much we subconsciously do things without realizing it and how quickly it happens, something that I knew just in theory but now understand it in a contextual way. I realized how quickly and subconsciously I take things personally, which impacts my ability to communicate so I get frustrated, which triggers NATs. Now that I am aware of this, it will help my evolve and better myself in the future and be more positive about situations that I have always had such a negative attitude towards.
Question 7: I am still very new to this, I’ve only recently tried having more positive thoughts, so I am still learning. I am allowing myself time to be negative as well, so that the transition is natural, this is because I have thought negatively for such a large portion of my life that I wanted to make the transition as smooth as possible for me to prevent myself from feeling overwhelmed. I am really trying to trust the process! My original game plan was to get rid of my NATs first and then try to have PATs, and I am now working on having PATs. I think what I read about CBT has tremendously allowed me to realize how to eliminate all the negative thoughts I am having, and journaling has helped me a lot too. I also realized that I am averaging 12-15% decrease in NATs monthly, which I am super proud of. Sometimes, I can recognize my NATs immediately and remove myself from the situation, other times I only realize them after, which is okay, and I take note of it as soon as I realize it. I have found that I have less NATs now and I am able to recognize almost all of the time. I have stopped thinking that every disagreement with my boyfriend is a personal attack and it does not mean he wants to leave me. My journal has really helped me. Funny enough, I started by writing a few bullet points in my journal, now I find myself writing a page or two, which is tremendously helping my ability to reflect and mitigate, this is a process that I have grown to really love and trust, and one that I almost look forward to. I am definitely working towards my learning objective, but so far, I am doing well – and I am very hard on myself so for me to acknowledge that I am doing well is a huge step. I can confidently say that the number of outburst and my negative thoughts have decreased, and this makes me really happy and proud of myself (I don’t often feel proud of myself).
Question 8: I really learned about myself, my communication (or lack thereof), and my automatic thoughts. My next step is to have a 10% increase in PATs for the next few months to come. I can also say my relationship with my boyfriend and even my friends have improved, I find that I don’t think the worst-case scenario anymore, so I am much more rational. I’ve also learned a lot about CBT, NATs, and PATs, which has also allowed me to deal with anxiety-inducing situations for me, which I am hoping will decrease my stress long term as well. I know that I can turn to my journal when I need to, which is super comforting and a great outlet for me. Another step is to prevent a situation where miscommunication may occur, rather than allowing it to happen then removing myself from the situation to reflect. I plan on doing this by asking a lot of questions to be able to draw actual realistic conclusions, rather than making assumptions.
Sources:
Cuncic, A. (2020, November 27). How negative automatic thoughts drive social anxiety. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-negative-automatic-thoughts-3024608#:~:text=RoleofNegativeThoughts&text=2Withincognitive,anxietyandfearoccurs.
Identifying automatic thoughts in cbt. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://cogbtherapy.com/cbt-and-automatic-thoughts
The Mind Tools Content Team By the Mind Tools Content Team. (n.d.). Cognitive restructuring: Reducing stress by changing your thinking. Retrieved from https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_81.htm
Selva, J. (2021, March 08). 5 worksheets for challenging NEGATIVE automatic thoughts (+pdf). Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/challenging-automatic-thoughts-positive-thoughts-worksheets/
Using thought records to track & Challenge Thoughts. (2020, November 14). Retrieved from https://www.psychologytools.com/self-help/thought-records/
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