Peer Review – Upadhyay

Paragraph #

What It Says

What It Does (Purpose)

My Reaction (thoughts, questions, comments, agreements, disagreements, expectations, etc.)

Susan Glaspell wrote two genres of the same story; a play and short story. They are the same in theme, but different in form and perspective.

An introduction of the works being analyzed. Introduces what his paper is about.

This introduction is very direct. You can elaborate on your thesis a little bit more.

Trifles is a title that represents the men’s view of women. A Jury of Her Peers is a title that represents the women’s rebellion against male authority.

It focuses on the titles of each work and uses this analysis to emphasize how the genres differ.

I like how you focused your paragraph on just the titles. For the short story, you went into a lot of detail, but could condense this into just the details that focus on the meaning of the title.

This paragraph talks about how the introduction of the short story is not included in the play and this new introduction is significant because it lets the reader know the role Mrs. Hale plays in the story. To support Mrs. Peters.

Emphasizes another difference by focusing on the introduction of each version.

In fourth sentence you have some repetition.

Your focus is on how the introductions of the two versions are different, but you get into a lot of detail about the story that does not seem to fit the purpose of this paragraph.

This paragraph points out that Mrs. Hale’s feelings toward men is strongly expressed in the short story versus the play. It also compares Mrs. Peters’ attitude to Mrs. Hale’s.

This paragraph uses another part of the story to emphasize another difference between the two versions. – Mrs. Hale’s attitude toward the men.

Your examples compare Mrs. Peters to Mrs. Hale rather than how Mrs. Hale’s attitude in the two versions is different. Your examples don’t seem to match your claim.

The short story introduces conflict when the men dismiss the women’s concerns. The play introduces conflict during the investigation where the men seek to convict and the women seek to protect.

This paragraph discusses another difference between the two pieces of work –conflict is revealed.

There is an assumption made about what the men would have done. I don’t think we as readers can make that assumption.

In the play the reason for hiding evidence is because they want to help Minnie, but in the short story the reason for hiding evidence is to retaliate against the men.

This paragraph elaborates on conflict revealed in each genre.

This paragraph should be part of paragraph 5

Points out all the ways the two genres differ – perspective, setting, conflict development.

Summarizes all the evidence to support the thesis.

You mention perspectives as a way the genres differ, but you don’t address this in the body of your essay.

Do all of these paragraphs seem to belong together or are there any that don’t seem to quite fit, and, if so, why don’t they?

They all belong together.

Do any of these paragraphs seem to repeat an idea? If so, what idea, and what, if any, repetition does the idea seem to serve?

The 5th and 6th paragraph repeat and idea and could be combined.

Do any of these paragraphs seem to cover more than one idea, and, if yes, should they each be given their own paragraph?

There are no paragraphs the cover more than one idea.

Does anything seem to be missing from the essay? If yes, what is missing, and where do you recommend it go?

The essay was supposed to be focused on movement, but I don’t see that addressed anywhere in the essay other than the change in scenery.

Is another order of paragraphs possible for this draft? What other possible directions can you imagine?

No. I think the order is fine.

How does each paragraph follow the one before? How can these paragraphs be reworked, added to, or revised to make the connection clearer?

I think the paragraphs could transition better. Start each paragraph with a sentence that connects it to the paragraph before it.

Are their places where the draft hasn’t accomplished what you expected as a reader? If so, where and why?

It does not address movement. This should be the focus of the essay and incorporated into each claim that supports the thesis

What does this table (which is an outline of the essay) reveal about the hierarchy of ideas in the draft? Is it clear that there is a controlling idea?

The controlling idea seems to be that the two versions are different. There does not seem to be a hierarchy of ideas, just a list of differences.

Summary:

I believe you covered your thesis thoroughly by listing differences between the two works. My concern is that we were supposed to focus our essay on “movement” and I do not see that as a focus of your thesis. It is mentioned in the change in scenery, but should be worked into all the other claims as well. This first draft needs more polishing. It reads as a flow of thoughts, but not all the content in each paragraph relates to the claim you are trying to make. You described a lot of events from both the play and the short story, but it would be valuable to include quotations to strengthen your argument. There are no transitions between your paragraphs. They seem to start rather bluntly and should include transition statements that show how the paragraph relates to the previous one. I also notice that paragraph six is simply elaborating on paragraph five, so I would combine those two paragraphs together. Your first paragraph is very direct and could be elaborated upon to provide more engagement. You could elaborate on the writer or the bodies of work a bit more to give it more substance. You also discuss how the two works are thematically similar, but never discuss similarities in your essay. Maybe this would be something you should elaborate on in your introduction paragraph. In paragraph five, you make an assumption that the men would not have believed the women if they showed the men the evidence they found. Though the men continually dismiss the women throughout the story, I do not think we can make this assumption.

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