You have an excellent start, here are the things to work on.

You have an excellent start, here are the things to work on.

-this is really good start, just clean up

-will update grade when you submit the final draft

1.  Must work on your transitions, when you go from one topic to another you must mix in transitions

-these can be at begin. of para, at end of para, and even as a one sentence in between paragraphs

2.  Use a variety of quality sources (you have some really good ones, but focus on quality of sources

3.  Overall, you paper has lots of details.  You have made a good start but I want you to work on improving the balance between your comments and outside info. 

4.  many of your paragraphs need to be developed – part of this will be the transitions, the key is balance

must balance

quotes vs. paraphrased

outside vs. your info

long paragraphs vs  some shorter, etc.

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