Academic
Writing for
Graduate
Students
Unit One
An Approach to
Academic Writing
As graduate students, you face a variety of writing tasks throughout your
chosen degree programs. Naturally, these tasks will vary from one degree
program to another. They are, however, similar in two respects. First, the
tasks become progressively more complex and demanding the farther you go
in the program. Second, in general they need to be written “academically,”
although certain assigned writing in some fields may require personal reflection (such as teaching reflections) and thus may be somewhat more informal. In Units Two through Six of this textbook, we focus on the writing
tasks that may be required in the earlier stages of a graduate career. In the
last two units, we look a little farther ahead.
This opening unit is different from the others since it does not focus on a
particular type of text. Instead, we try to help you reflect upon a variety of
aspects of academic writing, ranging from style to some sociological, cultural, and rhetorical issues. Overall, we are primarily concerned with your
“positioning” as a writer—the means by which you create in writing a credible image as a competent member of your chosen discipline. We begin with
a focus on your writing strategies.
1
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
TASK ONE
Discuss these possible writing strategies with a partner. Put a check
mark () next to those writing strategies that you use a lot. If you
rarely or never use some of the strategies, discuss why you do not.
____ 1. Translating, if you use English as an international language
____ 2. Spending a lot of time on gathering information or doing
research and then quickly writing your paper from your
notes, data sources, or outlines
____ 3. Referring to one or more “model” papers in your discipline,
noticing in particular such matters as how the papers are
organized, how phrases are used, and where and why
examples or illustrations are provided
____ 4. Relying on a mentor (either native or non-native speaker)
who “knows the ropes” and can anticipate how a particular written text might be received by a particular set of
readers or reviewers, who may also be able to offer advice
on which journal or conference a piece might be submitted to and why
____ 5. Relying on friends who are not in your field to help you
with phraseology
____ 6. Developing a sense of the anticipated audience, particularly
with regard to what needs to be said and what does not
____ 7. Recognizing the need for some stylistic variation and
acquiring the linguistic resources to achieve this
____ 8. Finding useful phraseology from other, possibly published
papers and using it to string your ideas together
____ 9. Constructing an appropriate author “persona,” so that you
come across as a member of the disciplinary community
____ 10. Concentrating on making sure your sentence-level grammar
is accurate because that is the most important aspect of
getting your ideas across
2 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
Understanding your writing strategies is important in becoming a confident writer. To help you explore your strategies further, we offer Task Two.
TASK TWO
Write a reflective paragraph in which you share your reactions to
these questions.
1. What is your main writing strategy? Why do you use it? What
one other strategy apart from those on the list do you use? Are
your strategies dependent on the type of text you are composing?
2. Which of the strategies that you do not use would you most like
to develop? And how might you go about developing it?
3. Do you think strategies listed in Task One apply equally well to
all fields? How might they vary in importance for an author in
Physics, History, Economics, Public Health, or Engineering?
Which of them is most important in your own field?
As you may already realize, academic writing is a product of many considerations: audience, purpose, organization, style, flow, and presentation (see
Figure 1).
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 3
FIGURE 1. Considerations in Academic Writing
Audience
Purpose
Organization
Style
Flow
Presentation
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
Audience
Even before you write, you need to consider your audience. The audience
for most graduate students will be an instructor, who is presumably quite
knowledgeable about the assigned writing topic and will have expectations
with which you need to be familiar. Other possible audiences include advisors, thesis committees, and those who will review research you may want to
present at a conference or publish in a paper. Your understanding of your
audience will affect the content of your writing.
TASK THREE
Read these excerpts from two longer texts that discuss obtaining
drinking water from salt water. Answer these general questions with
a partner. For whom were they written? What aspects of each text
helped you decide the audience? In what kind of publication would
you expect to find these texts? Sentence numbers have been added
here (and in subsequent texts throughout the book) for ease of reference. Then answer the more specific questions that appear on
page 5.
A. ’ People have been pulling freshwater out of the oceans for
centuries using technologies that involve evaporation, which
leaves the salts and other unwanted constituents behind.
( Salty source water is heated to speed evaporation, and the
evaporated water is then trapped and distilled. ) This process
works well but requires large quantities of heat energy, and
costs have been far too high for nearly all but the wealthiest
nations, such as Kuwait and Saudi Arabia. * (One exception is
the island of Curaçao in the Netherlands Antilles, which has
provided continuous municipal supplies using desalination
since 1928.) + To make the process more affordable, modern
distillation plants recycle heat from the evaporation step.
4 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
, A potentially cheaper technology called membrane desalination may expand the role of desalination worldwide, which
today accounts for less than 0.2 percent of the water withdrawn
from natural sources. – Membrane desalination relies on reverse
osmosis—a process in which a thin, semipermeable membrane
is placed between a volume of saltwater and a volume of
freshwater. . The water on the salty side is highly pressurized
to drive water molecules, but not salt and other impurities, to
the pure side. / In essence, this process pushes freshwater out
of saltwater. (Martindale, 2001)
B. ’ Reverse osmosis (RO) membrane systems are often used for
seawater and brackish water desalination. ( The systems are
typically installed as a network of modules that must be
designed to meet the technical, environmental, and economic
requirements of the separation process. ) The complete optimization of an RO network includes the optimal design of both
the individual module structure and the network configuration.
* For a given application, the choice and design of a particular
module geometry depends on a number of factors, including
ease and cost of module manufacture, energy efficiency, fouling
tendency, required recovery, and capital cost of auxiliary equipment. + With suitable transport equations to predict the physical
performance of the membrane module, it should be possible to
obtain an optimal module structure for any given application.
(Maskan et al., 2000)
1. How do the texts differ in terms of vocabulary?
2. How do the texts differ in terms of detail?
3. Where do the definitions of reverse osmosis appear? How do these
definitions differ?
4. Do the texts appear to be well written? Why do you think so?
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 5
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
The differences in the two texts reflect some of the assumptions that the
authors have made about the typical reader’s familiarity with the subject. In
the first text, the author assumes the reader is probably not familiar with
reverse osmosis and thus provides a fair amount of background information
along with a clear definition of the process.
TASK FOUR
Now write a short definition of a term in your field for two different
audiences. One audience could consist of graduate students in a
totally unrelated field, while the other could be students in your
own graduate program. Exchange your definitions with a partner
and discuss how they reflect differences in your chosen audiences.
Purpose and Strategy
Audience, purpose, and strategy are typically interconnected. If the audience
knows less than the writer, the writer’s purpose is often instructional (as in a
textbook). If the audience knows more than the writer, the writer’s purpose
is usually to display familiarity, expertise, and intelligence. The latter is a
common situation for the graduate student writer.
The interesting question that now arises is what strategy (or strategies)
can a graduate student use to make a successful display. To explore this, let’s
consider the case of an international student who calls himself Sam in the
United States. Sam is enrolled in a master’s program in Public Health. He
has nearly finished his first writing assignment, which focuses on the impact
of video games on the cognitive development of children in the United
States. This is a short five-page assignment rather than a major research
paper. The deadline is approaching, and there is no more time for further
data analysis. He wants to make a good impression with his concluding
paragraph. He believes (rightly) that final impressions are important.
Sam (quite appropriately) begins his last paragraph by reminding his
audience (i.e., his instructor) of what he has done in the paper.
6 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
He begins as follows:
Conclusion
The aim of this paper has been to examine the impact of video
games on the cognitive development of pre-adolescent children in
the United States. In particular I have examined the effects of video
games on visual attention.
So far, so good. His first attempt at concluding his paper is as follows:
As I have explained, video games can indeed account for differences in cognitive abilities of pre-adolescents, specifically the
ability to switch attention from one task to another.
He thinks, “This just repeats what I have already written; repeating makes it
seem that I have nothing new or interesting here; my paper falls flat at the
end.” Sam tries again. “This time,” he says to himself, “I will take my results,
summarize them, and then try to connect them to some wider issue. That’s
a better strategy.” Here is his second version.
As the tables show, pre-adolescent children who play video games
score better on tests of visual attention than those who do not.
This relationship was quite strong among children between 10 and
12 years of age, while for children aged 6 to 9 the association was
not so pronounced. Children who were very good at playing video
games, mostly those who are older, appear to be able to effectively
switch attention. These findings support the conclusion of other
studies that playing video games may not simply be a mindless
activity; instead video games can enhance the cognitive skills of
gamers.
Sam likes this version; however, he is also worried. He knows—but he has
not said so anywhere in the paper yet—that there is a problem with the data
he has been using. He knows that there are many types of video games and
so the effects of one game on cognitive development may be quite different
from those of another. For instance, shooting video games are not the same
as sports video games. And even within the same game genre there is variation in terms of the skills that are needed to play. Luckily, he is not using his
own research data for this assignment; he is using data that he has found in
journal articles.
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 7
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
He now adds this to his concluding paragraph.
The conclusions presented here, however, should be interpreted
cautiously. This is because the data presented here are based on
analyses of two sports video games, which differ in terms of visual
attentional demand from other types of video games, such as firstperson shooting games that require an awareness of a full screen.
Sam is feeling somewhat unsure of his conclusion and is now asking himself
the following questions: “Have I been too cautious in my conclusion when I
use appear to, may, and can? Is it actually better to clearly state that there are
problems with the data or to not mention this at all? Which strategy is better? Will I appear more or less capable by discussing the limitations of the
data? And if I do discuss them, should I do so right at the end or at the
beginning of my conclusions? In effect, how should I position myself as a
junior graduate student?”
TASK FIVE
What advice would you give Sam? Consider the questions he raises
about the strength of his points and the inclusion of limitations.
Write this in a paragraph or two. Then edit or re-write his final
paragraph to reflect your advice.
Organization
Readers have the expectation that information will be presented in a structured format that is appropriate for the particular type of text. Even short
pieces of writing have regular, predictable patterns of organization. You can
take advantage of these patterns, so that readers can still follow, even if you
make some language errors.
Although our goal in this text is not to work on letter writing, we would
like to begin our discussion of organization by looking at two letters that
may, in fact, resemble letters or email you have received at some point in
your academic career. Each letter has a clear, predictable pattern of organization. The first is a good-news letter.
8 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 9
Dear Ms. Wong:
Thank you for your interest in our
university.
On behalf of the Dean of the Graduate
School, I congratulate you on being
accepted to the program in Aerospace
Engineering to begin study at the master
level. This letter is your official authorization
to register for Fall 20XX. As a reflection
of the importance the Graduate School
places on the ability of its students to
communicate effectively, the Graduate
School requires all new students whose
native language is not English to have
their English evaluated. Specific details for
this procedure are given in the enclosed
information packet.
We look forward to welcoming you to
Midwestern University and wish you
success in your academic career.
Sincerely,
Parts
Greeting
Acknowledgment
Good news
Administrative
matters
Welcoming close
that points to
the future
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
TASK SIX
Read the bad-news letter, and label the four parts: greeting, preparation for bad news, bad news, and close. Where does the most
important news appear (first? second?)? How does this compare to
the good-news letter? How do the different purposes of the two
letters influence the kind and placement of information?
10 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Dear Mr. Lee:
Thank you for your interest in the graduate
program in Industrial and Operations
Engineering. We have now finished our
rigorous review process for Fall 20XX
applications. We received an unusually
high number of applications for the Fall
term and we unfortunately had to limit
the number we could accept. While your
background is impressive, I regret to
inform you that your application to the
program has not been accepted. Given
your excellent qualifications, I trust you
will be able to pursue your academic
interests elsewhere and wish you luck
in your further endeavors.
Sincerely,
Parts
You are already likely aware that academic writers employ a variety of
organizational patterns. You are already familiar with external organization
features, such as chapters, sections, and paragraphs. As you work your way
through this book, you will become familiar with the various approaches to
internal organization as well. One very common strategy that is foundaAcademic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
tional to academic writing is to organize information in terms of problems
and solutions (Hoey, 1983). This pattern usually has four parts. Can you
identify them in this next task?
TASK SEVEN
Draw boxes around and label the four parts of this problemsolution text (situation, problem, solution, and evaluation). After
marking the text, answer the questions on page 12.
’ As standards of living rise and the world’s population grows, the
demands for freshwater have been increasing. ( Along with this
increase is growing pressure to protect this precious resource.
) Efforts to protect the water supply have traditionally focused
on regulating industrial and municipal waste that is discharged
into rivers and lakes. * However, in recent years researchers have
identified a new threat to world freshwater supplies. + Studies
have identified in freshwater around the world a number of medicinal drugs, ranging from painkillers such as acetaminophen, to
antibiotics, to cholesterol absorption inhibitors. , These drugs easily enter the water supply when they are eliminated through digestion or improperly disposed of by directly flushing them down a
toilet. – Although the amount of these drugs in freshwater supplies
is small (a few parts per billion or trillion), their impact on the
freshwater supply and on human health has yet to be established.
. Given this uncertainty, efforts are underway to address this
problem. / One simple, inexpensive approach involves educating
consumers about proper medication disposal methods. Lk This
effort involves educating consumers to be made aware that medicines should not be poured into a sink or flushed, but should be
discarded through local drug collection programs. Ll For example,
many pharmacies collect unused or unwanted medicines and
some communities have special medicine collection sites. Lm With
increased education, consumers can dispose of medication properly
and help protect freshwater resources.
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 11
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
1. How serious does the author perceive the problem to be? How
did you determine this? To what extent is this a global problem?
2. What does the author think of the solution? What do you think
of the solution?
3. What is one major problem in your field of study? Why is it
important?
TASK EIGHT
Here is another passage with the same structure. Read it and answer
the questions on page 13.
’ Ghana is located on West Africa’s Gulf of Guinea just north of the
Equator. ( Unlike many poor West African countries, this country of
24 million has a growing economy that is expanding over 10%
annually. ) This growth has largely been attributed to the 2007
discovery of a major oil field off the coast and to Ghana’s position
as a leading gold producer. * Ghana has also emerged as an important center for e-waste recycling and disposal, an industry that
contributes more than US$200 million into the economy. + E-waste
consists of electronic devices typically from Europe and North
America that have been discarded, but still have some value.
, E-waste has been said to provide opportunities for employment,
poverty alleviation, recycling business developments, and may even
bridge the digital divide by contributing to the country’s growing
demand for information technology. – However, this industry also
poses environmental and health risks that cannot be ignored.
. The largest e-waste recycling and disposal center is located in
the capital city of Accra and is adjacent to the Agbogbloshie Food
Market. / At this site recyclers disassemble electronics to retrieve
valuable metals (for example, gold) or burn items covered with
plastic (for example, computer wires) to recover metals such as
copper and aluminum. LkThese processes expose workers and
others living near the e-waste site to toxic materials including
plastics, lead, aluminum, and silica that are known to cause
cancers and central nervous system damage among other health
problems.
12 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
Ll One way to address e-waste dangers is to install modern, sustainable recycling technology that can drastically reduce exposures
to toxins. Lm One drawback to this approach, however, centers
around who should be responsible for the cost of installing such
systems. Ln Perhaps a more viable solution is for the manufacturers
of electronics to reduce the amount of toxic materials used to
make their products. Lo Thus, rather than placing all of the responsibility for safe handling of e-waste on the recyclers, the manufacturers could be persuaded to examine their own practices to
determine ways to lower the risks associated with e-waste.
1. For what type of audience was this written?
2. What assumptions does the author make about the background
knowledge of the audience?
3. What is the author’s purpose?
4. How is the problem introduced?
5. To what does this growth in Sentence 3 refer? What are these
processes in Sentence 10? To what does this approach in Sentence
12 refer? What is the effect of these particular expressions on the
flow of ideas?
6. What does the author think of the two solutions?
7. If the writer had thought that the second solution would not
work, what might she have written for the last sentence? In such
a case, would this last sentence be enough to complete the text?
If not, what would need to be added?
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 13
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
In addition to the problem-solution structure, some other ways of organizing information include the following.
• Comparison-contrast (see Unit Five)
• Cause-effect (focusing on one cause and multiple effects as in an earthquake or describing multiple causes and one effect as in an economic
downturn)
• Classification [categorizing, as suggested by this example: “Earthquake
effects on underground structures can be grouped into two categories:
(1) ground shaking and (2) ground failure such as liquefaction, fault
displacement, and slope instability.” Note the cause-effect aspect of this
as well.]
Research paper introductions in your field might also follow an established organizational pattern. Introductions are addressed in Unit Eight.
Style
Academic writers need to be sure that their communications are written in
the appropriate style. The style of a particular piece should not only be consistent but also be suitable both in terms of the message being conveyed and
the audience. A formal research report written in informal, conversational
English may be considered too simplistic, even if the actual ideas and/or data
are complex.
One difficulty in using the appropriate style is knowing what is considered academic and what is not. The grammar-check tool on your word processing program is likely not of much help in this matter since such
programs are written primarily to find spelling and basic grammar errors and
not to offer stylistic advice for academic writers. Moreover, what little stylistic advice is offered may not be right for what you are writing. For example,
contrary to what your grammar checker might suggest, if you are describing
a procedure or process, you can and probably even should use passive voice in
many cases.
Deciding what is academic or not is further complicated by the fact that
academic style differs from one area of study to another. For instance, contractions (e.g., don’t) may be used in Philosophy but are not widely used in
many other fields. And, as noted in a study by Chang and Swales (1999),
14 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
some authors often use informal elements such as sentence-initial but;
imperatives (as in the common expression consider the case of . . . ); and the
use of I. In the case of I, we see quite a bit of disciplinary variation. It is less
commonly used in Computer Science papers (5.6 per 10,000 words in the
Michigan Corpus of Upper-level Student Papers—MICUSP) but is frequent
in Philosophy (53.9 occurrences per 10,000 words in MICUSP). Other
fields lie somewhere in between those two. All this variation contributes to
even more confusion when trying to determine what is “academic.”
Finally, academic style is not used in all academic settings. Research based
on the Michigan Corpus of Spoken Academic English (MICASE) shows
that academic and research speech, in linguistic terms, is much more like
casual conversation than written academic English. It is not uncommon to
hear U.S. lecturers use words and phrases like stuff, things, a bit, bunch, or a
whole lot of, which we would not expect to find in a written academic text.
They may also use elaborate metaphors and other vivid expressions to
enliven their speaking style. (For some examples of spoken academic English, check MICASE at www.elicorpora.info/.)
TASK NINE
Find and download two or three journal articles from your field that
you think are well written. The articles do not necessarily have to
be written by native speakers of English; however, they should be
typical research articles in your field—not book reviews, editorial
commentaries, or trade magazine articles from a publication with
extensive advertising. If you are having difficulty deciding whether
you have the right kind of article, ask your instructor for assistance.
Bring your articles to class so that you can reference them and gain
an understanding of the writing conventions in your field.
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 15
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
Cross-Cultural Differences in Academic Language
Over the past two decades, there has been considerable interest in tracing similarities and differences in academic language. Because of the dominating position of academic English prose and because of the wish of many people to
acquire this variety of the language, the great majority of studies to date have
compared some other academic languages with English academic prose. These
languages include Arabic, Chinese, Finnish, French, German, Japanese,
Korean, Malay, Polish, Spanish, and Swedish. Simplifying somewhat, the overall conclusions point in one basic direction: academic English, especially U.S.
academic English, has several features that place it toward one end of a number
of continua.
TASK TEN
Put a check mark () next to the items that you think are typical of
academic writing in English. If you are familiar with another academic language, also mark those points that you think are consistent
and inconsistent in academic writing in that other language. Are the
differences, if any, strong, or does it seem to you that the academic
languages are more similar than different? To what extent should you
incorporate the features in the list into your own writing?
U.S. academic English, in comparison to other academic languages, can be considered to
____ 1. be more explicit about its structure and purposes
(i.e., contains a noticeable amount of metadiscourse)
____ 2. be less tolerant of asides or digressions
____ 3. use fairly short sentences with less complicated grammar
____ 4. have stricter conventions for subsections and their titles
____ 5. contain more citations
____ 6. rely more on recent citations
____ 7. have longer paragraphs (in terms of number of words)
____ 8. point more explicitly to “gaps” or “weaknesses” in the
previous research
____ 9. use more sentence connectors (words like however)
____ 10. place the responsibility for clarity and understanding on
the writer rather than the reader
16 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
Now let’s explore some additional points that you can think about when
working on your writing style. If you search for “academic style” on the
internet, you may or may not be surprised at the roughly 260,000 hits.
Clearly, a lot of people have a lot to say about this topic. You will find pages
of things to do and not do (for instance, never use I, but do use references to
support your points); pages telling you to forget about the “rules”; and other
pages that describe what academic style is and is not (e.g., academic style is
formal and not casual; it is not about using big words). Although many perspectives on academic style are available, much of the advice is vague, conflicting, and often based on personal preference rather than research. Thus,
it should come as no surprise that, despite a sizeable amount of research,
academic writing is in fact “poorly understood by teachers and students
alike” (Lillis, 1999). So, where do we begin?
In this Language Focus section, we will present some more specific ideas
about the characteristics of academic style for you to consider. You may wish
to incorporate some of these points into your writing and ignore others. In
the end, our purpose here is for you to think more about your stylistic
choices as you write and to help you realize that good academic writers make
many stylistic choices as they write.
q Language Focus: The Vocabulary Shift—Verbs
English often has two (or more) choices to express an action or occurrence.
The choice is often between a phrasal (verb + particle) or prepositional verb
(verb + preposition) and a single verb, the latter with Latinate origins. In lectures and other instances of everyday spoken English, the verb + preposition
is often used; however, for written academic style, there is a tendency for
academic writers to use a single verb when possible. In some fields this is a
very noticeable stylistic characteristic. Here is an example.
Given our fast-paced society, people must routinely put
creative solutions to unexpected problems into practice.
Given our fast-paced society, people must routinely
implement creative solutions to unexpected problems.
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 17
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
John M. Swales & Christine B. Feak
http://www.press.umich.edu/titleDetailDesc.do?id=2173936
Michigan ELT, 2012
TASK ELEVEN
Choose a verb from the list to replace each verb in italics to reduce
the informality of the sentence. Note that you may need to add
tense to the verb from the list. Write down any other single verbs
that you think could also work in the sentences.
consider decrease develop investigate reach
constitute determine eliminate maintain tolerate
1. Many software manufacturers in developed countries put up
with widespread copyright violations in less developed countries
and often even offer local versions of their products.
_________________________
2. Scientists are looking into innovative drug delivery systems that
can transport and deliver a drug precisely and safely to its site
of action. _________________________
3. The purpose of this paper is to try to figure out what is lacking
in our current understanding of corrosion and corrosion
protection in concrete. _________________________
4. Researchers have come up with plug-in hybrid vehicles (PHEV)
that can draw from two sources of energy: stored electrical
energy from the grid and stored chemical energy in the form
of fuel such as gasoline. _________________________
5. Rice and aquatic products make up a major part of the diet of
the people in the Mekong Delta, Vietnam. ____________________
6. The use of touch screen voting systems could get rid of many
problems associated with traditional paper-based ballots.
_________________________
7. Worldwide consumption of pesticides has gone up to 2.6 million
metric tons. _________________________
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8. Although labor unions in the U.S. have been able to keep up
their membership numbers over the last two decades, they have
been losing their political strength. _________________________
9. The number of mature female green turtles that return to their
primary nesting beach has gone down from 1,280 ten years ago
to 145 today. _________________________
10. Many funding agencies worldwide are thinking about ways to
give new researchers greater opportunities to receive grant
money. _________________________
TASK TWELVE
In the space provided, write a few single verbs that could be used in
place of the one in italics. In each case, try to find two or three possibilities and be prepared to discuss them.
1. Researchers have come up with a number of models to describe
the effect of certain cola drinks on dental enamel erosion.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. AIDS researchers have run into a variety of unexpected problems
in their efforts to develop an effective vaccine.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Recent studies on car scrapping have brought up the important
question as to whether CO2 emissions can be significantly
reduced by taking old cars out of service. _______________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
4. Problems with the new data management software showed up
soon after it was launched. _____________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
5. In the past five years, many studies have looked at the effect of
different grassland management practices. ______________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 19
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
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q Language Focus: The Vocabulary Shift—Nouns
and Other Parts of Speech
English has a very rich vocabulary derived from many languages. Because of
this, there may be more than one way to express an idea. When several alternatives are available, choose the one that most efficiently and accurately gets
your point across.
You may have also noticed that in many academic texts there is an abundance of rather long noun phrases, which tend to carry a lot of meaning in a
rather compact form. For instance, we can start with the word language and
expand on the simple noun in this way.
language
the language of scientific communication
the international language of scientific communication
English as the international language of scientific communication
the emergence of English as the international
language of scientific communication
Thus, it is possible to write
The emergence of English as the international language of
scientific communication has been widely documented.
as opposed to
English has emerged as the international language of
scientific communication. This phenomenon has been
widely documented.
The first example contains a very long noun phrase, a nominalization.
Which of the two sentences do you prefer? Why? Which do you think
would be more similar to writing in your field? What, if anything, do you
think is gained or lost by nominalizing?
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TASK THIRTEEN
Which of the italicized expressions might be more suitable for an
academic paper? Can you think of additional alternatives?
1. Crash test dummies are really important for /an integral part of
automotive crash tests.
2. According to a recent study just about /nearly 25% of all cell
phone users view text messaging as an important source of
entertainment.
3. There has been a lot of /considerable interest in how background
sounds such as music affect an individual’s ability to concentrate.
4. We obtained robust / nice results using structural bamboo rather
than timber.
5. Consumer interest in electronic billing and payment is
getting bigger and bigger / increasing.
Of course, when you are offered the choice between two alternatives,
the more academic choice may be fairly clear. The more difficult task
is making good language choices on your own. We have helped you a
bit in this next part of the task by italicizing the phrases that you
could change. You may need to make other changes so that the
sentence is still grammatical.
6. The competition faced by U.S. growers from imports of fresh
vegetables has gotten more intense.
____________________________________________________
7. Many urban areas do not have enough land to build new public
schools.
____________________________________________________
8. Allergic reactions to local dental anesthesia do not happen very
often.
____________________________________________________
9. The doors on these ferries were made bigger to make it easier to
load and unload vehicles.
____________________________________________________
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 21
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q Language Focus: Other Stylistic Features
While you may prefer to closely follow the stylistic conventions of your field,
you may also want to seek ways to “push gently at the boundaries of convention” (Casanave, 2010), more strongly position yourself, and create your
scholarly identity. What follows are some other considerations that you can
investigate and possibly incorporate in your academic writing style. These
are not rules to follow, but rather choices you can make.
1. As indicated earlier, single authors in some fields use the first-person
pronoun I (note that in some Engineering and hard science fields, single authors may choose we, given the collaborative nature of research
in these areas). We, of course, is common in co-authored papers,
which are increasingly the norm in publications. Research indicates
that I or we can be used in academic writing, but many new authors
are very reluctant to use I.
In this paper I argue that This paper argues that small
small incentives can lead to incentives can lead to
greater participation in greater participation in
surveys. surveys.
2. Again we remind you that in a few fields contractions may be
common; in most they are not.
Export figures won’t improve Export figures will not
until the economy is stronger. improve until the economy
is stronger.
3. Some authors prefer some negative forms over others, believing that
those on the right are more academic.
Not . . . any no
The analysis didn’t yield any The analysis yielded no
new results. new results.
Not . . . much little
The government didn’t The government allocated
allocate much funding for little funding for the
the program. program.
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Not . . . many few
This problem doesn’t have This problem has few
many sustainable solutions. sustainable solutions.
4. Some readers (for example, journal editors) object to the use of vague
expressions such as and so forth and etc. These expressions may sometimes be used, but keep in mind that they are imprecise and require
readers to “fill in” the missing information.
Micropumps can be used in Micropumps can be used
drug delivery, lab-on-a-chip in drug delivery, lab-on-a-chip
analysis, etc. analysis, ink dispensing, and
other specialized applications
that require self-contained,
low power, miniature pumps.
5. In many fields writers typically avoid addressing the reader as you
(except, of course, if you are writing a textbook or other instructional
materials). Note that this means you may need to use passive voice.
You can see the results in The results can be seen in
Table 1. Table 1.
6. Sometimes the use of a direct question can be a very effective means to
draw your reader’s attention to a point. This may be particularly useful
when laying out an argument or research questions to be answered.
However, indirect questions, such as those on the right, are likely more
common.
Why has antibiotic resistance Many studies have
increased? investigated why antibiotic
resistance has increased.
or
It is important to understand
why antibiotic resistance has
increased.
or
It remains unclear why
antibiotic resistance has
increased.
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 23
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7. Adverb placement might be important. Often in academic writing
adverbs are placed in mid-position rather than in the initial or final
positions of sentences. In other contexts, English adverbs often occur
at the beginning or end of sentences.
This model was developed This model was originally
by the International Monetary developed by the International
Fund (IMF) originally and was Monetary Fund (IMF) and was
adapted by Lalonde and Muir later adapted by Lalonde
(2007) later. and Muir (2007).
Then the morphology of the The morphology of the
samples was analyzed using a samples was then analyzed
scanning electron microscope using a scanning electron
(SEM). microscope (SEM).
8. Consider whether you should split infinitives (to + verb). The prescriptive view of grammar condemns the use of split infinitives (placing an
adverbial modifier between to and the infinitive as in to sharply rise).
Although we would agree that split infinitives are not so common in
some areas of academic writing, they are sometimes used, particularly
to avoid awkwardness or ambiguity. (Both Chris and John regularly
use split infinitives in their writing.)
We need to adequately meet We need to meet the needs
the needs of those enrolled of those enrolled in the
in the program. program adequately.
Neural networks have the Neural networks have the
ability to correctly classify ability to classify correctly
new patterns. new patterns.
The size of the container The size of the container
could be modified to could be modified to adjust
downwardly adjust the the portion size and amount
portion size and amount of consumption downwardly.
of consumption.
The examples on the left came from published papers, while the versions on the right have been rewritten to eliminate the split infinitives.
Can you guess why the authors chose to split the infinitives?
24 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
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9. Use as many words as you need to express your points, but try not to
use too many words. If you are wordy, readers may have difficulty
following your point.
It may be difficult to make a Choosing the proper method
decision about the method may be difficult.
that should be used.
There are some inorganic Some inorganic materials have
materials that can be used in shown great promise in
tissue engineering by tissue engineering.
bioengineers in the process
of tissue engineering that
have been shown to be very
promising.
10. Consider using both active and passive voice. Both active and passive
voices are used in academic writing; the key is to choose the right
voice for the right purpose. Although grammar checkers may caution
against using passive voice, it is commonly used in academic writing.
(See Unit Three for more discussion.)
In summary, most of our comments about grammar and language have been
designed to help you think about the sentence-level choices that may contribute to the development of your own style. The vocabulary shift and some
of the other features we have mentioned are more important for maintaining
a consistent academic style and for positioning yourself as knowledgeable
and as an authority. In fact, you may remember that Sam wrote, I have
examined . . . .
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 25
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TASK FOURTEEN
Let’s suppose that you want to follow the considerations listed in
the Language Focus on pages 22–25. How would you revise these
sentences?
1. You can use this model to optimize the water supply.
2. So, why did the bridge collapse? There’re a lot of reasons.
3. In addition to herbs, animal products are employed in some
forms of traditional medicine frequently.
4. So far there hasn’t been much research on how conflict influences
the level of trust and respect in a group.
5. There are several studies in Epidemiology that have shown that
when people consume alcohol in moderate amounts they have a
lower risk of developing heart disease in comparison to those
people who drink a lot of alcohol.
6. Developed by computer scientists in the 1980s, data mining is a
collection of methods aiming to understand and make money
from the massive data sets being collected by supermarket scanners, weather buoys, intelligence satellites, and so on.
Work with a partner and look through the articles you chose for
Task Nine. Can you find examples that demonstrate how the
authors dealt with the stylistic considerations as well as the possible
need to be cautious, as in the case of Sam? More importantly, can
you offer explanations as to why certain stylistic choices were made
and how these might relate to the author’s purpose? Use the chart
on page 27 to guide your analysis.
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1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 27
Article Analysis
Do the articles
contain
examples of: Yes
In what part(s)?
Give one or more example(s). No
Do you think
this is typical?
(Yes, No, Unsure)
I / we
contractions
more formal
negatives
etc., and so forth,
and so on
addressing the
reader as you
indirect questions
mid-position adverbs
split infinitives
too many words to
make a point
passive voice
may, appear to, or
other language that
softens a point
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
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TASK FIFTEEN
Now that you have become more familiar with some of the possible
stylistic features of academic writing, write a one-page problemsolution text about a problem in a country that you are familiar
with. Try to choose a problem unique to that country. Refer, if
you like, to the text in Task Eight. Your audience is a group of
professors and students interested in your selected country.
Consider the style points on pages 16–25 as you write.
To conclude this extensive discussion on vocabulary and style, we now turn
our attention to the use of the internet and online tools that may help you
become more familiar with commonly used expressions or standard phraseology. Standard phraseology consists of expressions that are typical of academic writing across many disciplines. Many authors new to academic
writing want to have some knowledge of these expressions as well as an
understanding of what can be borrowed.
Using Google Scholar to Identify Potentially
Useful Words and Phrases
1. Go to http://scholar.google.com/.
2. In the search box, place quotation marks around a phrase that you
want to learn to use. For instance, you might want to find ways to use
“In recent years there has been interest in . . . .” You might want to
know what kind of modifiers can be used before interest. Place an
asterisk * before interest. This search will yield the phrase along with
words that come before interest. To narrow your search, you can add
another topic. For instance, your area may be electric vehicles. Your
search would then look something like this.
“In recent years, there has been * interest in” “electric vehicle”
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A search in 2011 produced one screen that included this information.
FIGURE 2. Sample Google Scholar Results
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 29
As you can see in Figure 2, adjectives that can modify interest are increasing, considerable, and extensive. To determine how common these adjectives
are, you can then search for the complete expressions (e.g., “in recent years
there has been increasing interest in”).
Other ways to use the internet to search for specific language examples
include WebCorp LSE (www.webcorp.org.uk/index.html), which searches
all of the internet. You can also search online corpora with a specific focus
such as MICUSP, the British National Corpus, the British Academic Written English (BAWE) corpus, or the Corpus of Contemporary American
English (COCA). New corpora are being developed with great frequency,
and you may want to periodically search the internet to see what is available.
You can even create your own corpus of texts in your chosen field (or even
Academic Writing for Graduate Students, 3rd Edition: Essential Skills and Tasks
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from your own writing) that you can then analyze using online tools such as
Compleat Lexical Tutor or freeware such as AntConc, a concordance program for Windows, Macintosh OS X, and Linux. While we cannot offer
instruction on the use of these resources here, you will find that you can
learn to use them well enough on your own with minimal effort.
Flow
Another important consideration for successful communication is flow—
moving from one statement in a text to the next. Naturally, establishing a
clear connection of ideas is important to help your reader follow the text.
We have already tried to demonstrate good flow of ideas in the water passage
in Task Three.
TASK SIXTEEN
Read the passage and discuss the questions on page 31 with a partner.
’ In many countries around the world, it is customary for consumers of hospitality and other services to provide gifts of money
(called “tips”) to the workers who have served them. ( However,
the specific service workers that are customarily tipped, and the
amounts consumers give those workers, vary across nations.
) For example, in the United States consumers tip over 30 different
service professions, while no service professions are tipped in Iceland (Star, 1988). * In Mexico consumers tip restaurant servers 15%
to 20% of the bill, but tip only 5% to 10% of the bill in Romania
(Putzi, 2002). +These variations in tipping norms are sources of
uncertainty for international travelers and phenomena to be
explained by hospitality and tourism researchers.
, International differences in tipping customs may be partially
explained by differences in national values. – According to
Hofstede (1983), national values differ on four major dimensions—
power distance, uncertainty avoidance, individualism, and masculinity. . Power distance reflects a nation’s acceptance of power
and status differences. /This value should be positively related to
national acceptance of tipping because tipping gives customers
power over servers (Hemenway, 1984; Lynn, 2000a).
Lynn, 2004.
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1. How do you think the author establishes the relationship
between the ideas?
2. Underline the grammatical subjects of Sentences 2–9. Can you
find a link between each grammatical subject and the sentence
that comes before it?
3. How would you explain the relationship between Sentences 1
and 2?
4. To what does these variations in Sentence 5 refer?
5. Which words are repeated in the text? Are you surprised by the
amount of repetition of words in the text? Did you even notice
this when you first read the passage?
6. What do you think Sentence 10 will discuss? Why?
Old-to-New Information Flow
Although your first instinct in establishing a smooth flow of ideas is to use
logical connectors such as however or furthermore, many writers generally try
to follow a progression from old or given information, which is in the subject position or early at the left end of the sentence, to new information,
which is placed at the right end of the sentence. Placing relevant “old” information in early position establishes a content connection backward and provides a forward content link that establishes the context. Notice how this
old-to-new pattern is established in this text.
’ Research has shown that caffeine does indeed reduce
sleepiness and can lead to better academic performance since
students can spend more time studying. ( Despite its effectiveness
in counteracting sleepiness, caffeine can have a negative impact on
subsequent sleep, which for many students may already be compromised. ) Specifically, caffeinated beverages consumed near
bedtime at night can prolong sleep onset and reduce sleep efficiency and depth, thus affecting both sleep quality and duration.
* Most of the research on how caffeine affects sleepiness/alertness
has focused on coffee or no-doze pills. +However, a new kind
of caffeinated drink has become increasingly popular, namely
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functional energy drinks (FEDs). , FEDs are marketed as products
that can improve both mental and physical performance. – In addition to containing caffeine, FEDs have other active ingredients
such as taurine, glucose, and glucoronolactone. . Exactly how
these ingredients together affect alertness remains unclear.
The old-to-new pattern of information is established by starting a text with
some familiar information. In the following sentence, you can repeat some
information from the previous sentence (exact repetition, in the form of a
synonym or variation on the part of speech). In the energy drink example,
you can see the repetition of caffeine in Sentences 1 and 2.
’ Research has shown that caffeine does indeed reduce
sleepiness and can lead to better academic performance since
students can spend more time studying. ( Despite its effectiveness in counteracting sleepiness, caffeine can have a negative impact on subsequent sleep,
To tie two sentences together, you can repeat information from the beginning of the first sentence, as in the case of caffeine in Sentences 1 and 2.
Alternatively, you can pick up information from the end of the first sentence
(since, once read, this new information is now familiar). An example of this
is Sentences 5 and 6.
+ However, a new kind of caffeinated drink has become
increasingly popular, namely functional energy drinks (FEDs).
, FEDs are marketed as products that can improve both mental and physical performance.
Note also how passive voice in Sentence 6 is essential here. The point about
marketing might not be well connected using active voice. An old-to-new
pattern can also be achieved by using this/these + a noun, which refers back
to some or all of the preceding sentence. An example of this can be seen in
this possible Sentence 9.
/ If this relationship could be explained, more effective FEDs
could be developed.
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If old-to-new cannot be easily maintained, writers will often opt to use a logical connector to make relationships clear, as in Sentences 4 and 5.
* Most of the research on how caffeine affects sleepiness/
alertness has focused on coffee or no-doze pills. + However,
a new kind of caffeinated drink has become increasingly popular, namely functional energy drinks (FEDs).
Note that a new kind of caffeinated drink is new information that was not
mentioned in Sentence 4. In order for the author to strongly establish the
logical connection, the linking word, however, is added.
TASK SEVENTEEN
Work with a partner and answer these questions that focus on
old-to-new flow of ideas.
1. The first sentence of a description of the biological clock follows.
Given what you know about the old-to-new pattern of information, what are the two topics (or focal points) of the second
sentence that the reader would likely expect?
The biological clock is a master clock that dictates the daynight cycle of activity known as circadian rhythm.
Topic 1: ____________________________________________
Topic 2: ____________________________________________
2. In fact, the writer produced Sentences 2 and 3. How clearly are
Sentences 1, 2, and 3 connected to each other? Explain your
opinion.
’ The biological clock is a master clock that dictates the
day-night cycle of activity known as circadian rhythm. ( The
suprachiasmic nucleus (SCN) was identified as the location of
the clock in the brains of humans and animals. ) Specialized
clock genes are activated and deactivated mainly by a pair of
proteins, one of which turns on a group of genes and the
other of which turns off a key gene in a feedback loop that
has a 24-hour rhythm (specifically a 24-hour and 18-minute
rhythm).
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3. What do you think of this revision? How does this differ from
the first version?
’ The biological clock is a master clock that dictates the
day-night cycle of activity known as circadian rhythm. ( The
clock was identified in a part of the brain called the suprachiasmic nucleus (SCN). ) Within individual SCN cells, specialized clock genes are activated and deactivated mainly by a
pair of proteins, one of which turns on a group of genes and
the other of which turns off a key gene in a feedback loop
that has a 24-hour rhythm (more precisely, a 24-hour and 18-
minute rhythm).
4. In Sentences 4 and 5, the author wrote this:
* The biological clock functions regardless of the normal
24-hour cycle of light and darkness. + Light is involved in
resetting and regulating the clock.
Is the relationship between the two sentences clear? Could the
author do anything to clarify how the two points are related?
What? What about combining the two sentences into one?
Can you offer a revision here?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
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5. Let’s assume Sentences 4 and 5 are combined into one.
* Although the biological clock functions regardless of the
normal 24-hour cycle of light and darkness, light is still
involved in resetting and regulating the clock.
How well connected is this Sentence 5?
+ Sunlight resets the internal biological clock each day to
synchronize the rhythms of activity of the clock genes,
promoting the production of certain substances, such as
hormones, which are necessary for maintaining good health.
6. What is the relationship between the information before promoting
and the information after promoting ? Should the author use a
connector to make the relationship more clear?
7. In Sentence 6, the author wrote:
, It was once thought that aging disrupts the biological clock.
Does this sentence flow smoothly from Sentence 5? If so, why? If
not, why not?
8. Here are the final three sentences of the biological clock
definition. Do you think they should be in their own paragraph?
Why or why not?
, It was once thought that aging disrupts the biological
clock. – But, recent research (Czeisler et al., 2005) has
shown that the body temperature and hormone fluctuations
of the elderly are as regular as those of the young. . Doctors
can consider this valuable information in the treatment of
sleep disorders in the elderly.
9. What do you think about the connection between Sentences 7
and 8? Can you think of a better connection?
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10. Now read these two texts on lasers in medicine. Which do you
prefer? Why?
A. ’ Lasers have found widespread application in medicine.
( Lasers play an important role in the treatment of eye disease and the prevention of blindness. ) The eye is ideally
suited for laser surgery * Most of the eye tissue is transparent. + The frequency and focus of the laser beam can be
adjusted according to the absorption of the tissue. , The
beam “cuts” inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding tissue—even the tissue between the laser and the
incision. – Lasers are effective in treating some causes of
blindness. . Other treatments are not. / The interaction
between laser light and eye tissue is not fully understood.
B. ’ Lasers have found widespread application in medicine.
( For example, they play an important role in the treatment
of eye disease and the prevention of blindness. ) The eye
is ideally suited for laser surgery because most of the
eye tissue is transparent. * Because of this transparency,
the frequency and focus of the laser beam can be adjusted
according to the absorption of the tissue so that the beam
“cuts” inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding
tissue—even the tissue between the laser and the incision.
+ Lasers are also more effective than other methods in
treating some causes of blindness. , However, the interaction
between laser light and eye tissue is not fully understood.
36 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
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q Language Focus: Linking Words and Phrases
As demonstrated in Task Seventeen, repetition and linking words and
phrases can help a writer maintain flow and establish clear relationships
between ideas. Table 1 lists some of the more common linking words and
phrases, arranged according to their function and grammatical use.
TABLE 1. Linking Words and Phrases
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 37
Function
Subordinators
(introduce a
dependent clause
that must be joined
to a complete
sentence)
Sentence Connectors
(introduce a
complete sentence
or independent
clause)
Phrase Linkers
(introduce a noun
phrase)
Addition furthermore
in addition
moreover
in addition to
Adversativity although
even though
despite the fact
however
nevertheless
despite
in spite of
Cause and effect because
since
therefore
as a result
consequently
hence
thus1
because of
due to
as a result of
Clarification in other words
that is
i.e.
Contrast while
whereas
in contrast
however
on the other hand
conversely
unlike
Illustration for example
for instance
Intensification on the contrary
as a matter of fact
in fact
1 Note that thus may also be used in non-finite clauses of result, as in this example: A fungus infected the
fruit, thus causing a significant economic loss to the farmers. See Unit Three for further discussion of this
point.
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Sentence connectors raise a small, but important, issue—namely, punctuation. Many general style guides and style guides for your specific area of
study are available (online and in book form) that can provide detailed
explanations of punctuation use. Therefore, we will limit our discussion to a
few key points regarding semicolons (;), colons (:), dashes (—), and commas
(,). (See Figure 3.)
1. Semicolons join two completely independent clauses or sentences and
work much like a full stop.
Air traffic delays due to high traffic volume have increased
considerably over the last decade; these delays have become
a major public policy issue.
2. Semicolons can be used with sentence connectors. In the following
example, note the use of the comma after the connector.
Increasing the size of airports is one solution to traffic congestion; however, this is a long-term solution whose benefits
may not be seen for many years into the future.
3. Because semicolons are a “stronger” type of punctuation than commas
(they mark a stronger break in the flow of ideas), they can be used to
break sequences into parts.
In recent years GNP growth rates have varied considerably for
the countries in this study (China, 6%; U.S., 3%; Japan, 1%).
Several researchers have examined whether capital income
should be taxed in the steady state (Moriyama, 2003; Correia,
1996; Chamley, 1986).
4. Semicolons can be used to separate rather long items in a list.
Some of the solutions to the air traffic delay problem include
increasing the size of airports that routinely experience major
flight delays; overhauling the air traffic control system so that
more flights can be safely handled; and increasing landing
fees (which are currently based on the weight of an aircraft)
during peak periods.
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1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 39
FIGURE 3. Punctuation
Punctuation is determined by
the type of initiator.
Conjunction
(such as and, but,
or)
Connector
(such as however,
this, for example)
Subordinator
(such as although,
if, whereas)
Use a comma.
Use a
semicolon or
period.
Use a comma.
Birds fly, but
fish swim.
Birds fly;
however, fish
swim.
Birds fly,
while fish
swim.
Use a comma.
Use a
semicolon or
period.
Use a comma.
Our hypotheses were
correct; we produced
a good model.
2
If there is no second clause initiator (such
as thus or because), punctuation depends
on the kind of clause being joined.
Our hypotheses being
correct, we produced
a good model.
We produced a good
model, our hypotheses
being correct.
Non-finite/dependent +
Finite/independent
Finite/dependent +
Finite/independent
Finite/dependent +
Non-finite/independent
22
A finite verb is a main verb that is inflected to indicate tense and person.
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40 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Although commas could be used in the preceding example, the
length of the elements suggests that semicolons would work better;
note the use of the semicolon before and toward the end of the sentence. Similar considerations apply to sentences that use a colon to
introduce a list.
There are four main causes of airport congestion: bad
weather, excessive volume, runway closures, and equipment
outages.
There are four main causes of airport congestion: bad
weather, such as a snowstorm, may ground planes; too many
planes may be scheduled to arrive or depart within a short
period; runways may be closed; and equipment may be out of
service.
Sometimes a dash is used to introduce a list as well, but how you
should choose between a dash and a comma is a matter of debate.
Often dashes are used by authors to intrude into a sentence and to
provide some additional information. Commas are used in a variety of
situations. It is best to check a style manual for the many uses. For our
purposes here, however, we will say only that commas are used with
many of the subordinators.
Although weather is a major cause of airport delays, excess
traffic volume is also a major factor.
5. Importantly, style manuals also have guidelines for semicolon uses.
Refer to these for more information on semicolon use in your field.
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TASK EIGHTEEN
Edit this passage by adding semicolons or commas where necessary.
Although most major companies provide their employees
with email accounts as well as internet access many of these
companies are concerned about potential abuse and monitor
their employees’ use of these media. In fact, more than 75%
of all major corporations report that they monitor their
employees’ use of email and internet access either by spotchecking or constant surveillance. Businesses have many
reasons for monitoring email and internet use for example
they may be concerned about protecting sensitive company
information they may be worried about lawsuits arising from
sexual harassment because of mass mailing of offensive jokes
they may also want to identify employees who are surfing
the internet rather than working. In other words they are
concerned about cyberslacking.
TASK NINETEEN
Supply linking words or phrases to enhance the flow of one of these
passages. Look carefully at the punctuation to help you make an
appropriate choice. Once you have made your choices, consider why
the linking words are important and why an old-to-new pattern of
information flow alone might not be adequate.
A. It has long been documented that individuals in an organization may voluntarily carry out tasks that are not part of
their regular job duties. _____________, individuals may
go above and beyond the call of duty to help coworkers,
prevent problems, or volunteer to stay late when not
expected to do so. This behavior is intended to help others
in the organization or the organization itself and is often
referred to as organizational citizenship behavior (OCB).
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_____________ it is recognized that OCB is important for
an organization to effectively function, there is debate
among researchers as to how OCB can be encouraged
and rewarded. This debate is further complicated when
considering the role of OCB in multinational corporations
pursuing global diversity. Most OCB research has focused
on Western cultures; _____________, whether these
research findings can be extended to other cultures is not
clear, _____________ suggesting a need to investigate
OCB as it exists in other cultures, particularly those
described as “collectivist.”
B. Shape Memory Alloys (SMA) are a group of metallic
materials that can return to some previously defined shape
or size when subjected to the appropriate temperature.
When some SMA are cold they can be deformed at a low
temperature; _____________, when the material is heated
above this temperature it undergoes a change in crystal
structure, _____________ causing it to return to its
original shape. Some materials exhibit shape memory
only when heated; others can undergo a shape change both
when heated and when cooled. _____________ many
alloys are known to have the ability to “remember” their
shape, only some may actually find widespread commercial
use. Of particular interest are those that can recover substantial amounts of strain or that generate significant force
upon changing shape. _____________, one common
nickel and titanium SMA, Nitinol, has this ability and is
being used in surgical implants, clamps, miniature valves
and switches, and other devices.
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This and Summary Phrases
As indicated earlier, this/these + a noun can be used to establish a good oldto-new flow of information. Consider the following sentences.
Writing instructors know that students need to understand
the differences between formal and informal language. This
understanding can help students make strategic choices in
their writing.
What does this understanding refer to? Consider the following sentences.
In recent years, the number of students applying to PhD
programs has increased steadily, while the number of places
available has remained fairly constant. This situation has
resulted in intense competition for admission.
What does this situation refer to? What is the effect of using this instead of
that?
The phrases in italics contain a summary noun or word that refers back to
the idea in the previous sentence. They summarize what has already been
said and pick up where the previous sentence has ended. You may have
noticed in your academic reading that this is not always followed by a
noun—that is, this is unsupported or unattended. Keep in mind, however,
that if there is a possibility your reader will not understand what this is referring to, your best strategy is to follow this with a noun so that your meaning
is clear.
TASK TWENTY
Choose a noun to complete the second sentence of each set of
sentences. More than one answer may be possible.
1. According to a recent survey, 26% of all American adults, down
from 38% 30 years ago, now smoke. This _____________ can
be partly attributed to the mounting evidence linking smoking
and fatal diseases, such as cancer.
a. decline b. decrease c. drop d. improvement e. reduction
Can you think of any other nouns that could complete the
sentence?
___________________________________________________
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2. Early in September each year, the population of Ann Arbor,
Michigan, suddenly increases by about 25,000 as students arrive
for the new academic year. This _____________ changes the
character of the town in a number of ways.
a. increase b. influx c. invasion d. jump e. rise
Can you think of any other nouns that could complete the
sentence?
___________________________________________________
3. Nowadays, laptop computers are lighter, more powerful, and
easier to use than they were five years ago. These ____________
have led to an increase in the sales of these machines.
a. advances b. changes c. developments d. improvements
Can you think of any other nouns that could complete the
sentence?
___________________________________________________
As the task indicates, the noun that you choose to follow this/these can provide a strong interpretive signal that reveals your stance (see Unit Six). By
revealing your stance you communicate not only what you know, but also
what you think.
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TASK TWENTY-ONE
Choose a summary word from the list to complete each sentence.
Can you think of other possible summary words in addition to
those on the list?
difficulty estimation problem situation
disruption finding process view
1. The traditional economic and consumer behavior models assume
a rational, thoughtful consumer who gathers information about
a good and then carefully makes a purchase. This ____________
has recently been challenged, particularly because of the growing
number of consumer choices.
2. Our pilot study has shown that wind turbines used to generate
electricity can pose a threat to flying birds. This ____________
suggests a need for further research on improving the safety of
these mechanisms.
3. In soccer, goalkeepers routinely wear gloves that may restrict
heat loss from the hands and cause discomfort. In order to
alleviate this __________________, special materials, called phase
control materials (PCMs), have been incorporated into gloves to
reduce the amount of heat inside the glove, thus maintaining a
comfortable temperature.
4. Normal average human skin temperature is 37°C. At any lower
environmental temperature, heat will be lost from the skin to
the environment as the body attempts to heat up the air in
direct contact with the body. This __________________ is known
as conduction.
5. Until adjustment of the body clock has occurred, individuals
suffering from “jet lag” feel tired during the new daytime, yet are
unable to sleep properly during the new night. For athletes in
particular this __________________ of sleep can affect mood and
powers of concentration and might result in poorer training
performances and competition results (Reilly et al., 1997b).
6. Until recently, the support needs of frail older people in
Sweden have been met primarily by the state, with there being
little expectation that the family would provide care. This
__________________ is now changing as increasing emphasis is
being placed on the role of the family.
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TASK TWENTY-TWO
Now try to find your own summary words that can complete these
sentences.
1. Irrigation in sub-Saharan Africa is in most cases performed using
a rope and bucket to raise and distribute water from a shallow
open well. While this _____________ has the advantage of
being inexpensive, its low capacity and labor-intensive nature is
decidedly a disadvantage.
2. Motor vehicle deaths in the U.S. declined from nearly 60,000 in
1966 to just over 40,000 in 2011, even though Americans drive
millions more miles now and millions more vehicles are on the
road. The death rate, which was 7.6 deaths per 100 million
miles in 1950, declined from 5.5 in 1966 to 1.6 in 2011. This
_____________ can be attributed to the manufacture of safer
vehicles with features such as airbags and antilock brakes.
3. Haigney concludes from his study that driving performance
decreases when drivers use their cell phones. This
_____________ is consistent with recent reviews of the literature on driving distractions.
4. Although it seems that the construction of new roads and widening of existing roads should reduce traffic congestion, recent
research has shown that these activities actually lead to increases
in traffic. This _____________ is known as the “induced traffic”
effect.
5. In 1900, average life expectancy at birth was 47 years for individuals born in developed countries. In 1950, life expectancy was
nearly 68. For newborns today, life expectancy is about 77 years.
This _____________, however, does not mean that humans are
undergoing some physiological change. Rather, it is a result of
advances in medicine and technology.
Summary expressions may be expanded into longer phrases to add
clarity or interpretation. However, you should weigh the benefits of
expanding the summary phrase. A long and possibly complicated
summary phrase may actually be less effective.
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Consider the opening sentences and Options a–d. Which of the
options would you choose as the fourth sentence?
6. In Sub-Saharan Africa, only 20% of all households have access to
financial services. In 2010, nearly 70 percent of Kenyan households either had no bank accounts or relied on informal sources
of finance. In 2011, 13 commercial banks were operating in
Benin, a country with a population of 10 million.
a. This limits market exchanges, increases risk, and limits
opportunities to save.
b. This lack limits market exchanges, increases risk, and limits
opportunities to save.
c. This lack of formal financial services limits market exchanges,
increases risk, and limits opportunities to save.
d. This lack of formal financial services in parts of Africa limits
market exchanges, increases risk, and limits opportunities to
save.
Finally, we need to say something about whether it is better to use it or
this to refer back to something stated earlier in the text.
TASK TWENTY-THREE
Which sentence in each set makes better sense following the main
sentence? While all of the choices are grammatically correct, which
one seems to better capture the connection?
1. Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP) has been rapidly expanding
over the past decade, growing at a rate of nearly 200%.
a. It can be partially attributed to local telephone service
providers, who were not specialized telecommunications
operators, entering the VoIP market.
b. This can be partially attributed to local telephone service
providers, who were not specialized telecommunications
operators, entering the VoIP market.
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2. Our survey reveals an extremely high level of confidence that
businesses are well equipped to prevent targeted cyber attacks by
outsiders—94% of the businesses that responded described
themselves as fairly or very confident.
a. It suggests that the reality of the threats facing businesses has
not been made clear.
b. This unexpected finding suggests that the reality of the
threats facing businesses has not been made clear.
3. Researchers have found that it is easier to start a traffic jam than
to stop one. A small, but temporary, increase in the number of
cars entering a highway can cause a bottleneck; however, after
the number of cars decreases, traffic jams generally continue.
a. It has been verified through the use of sensor data from
Germany and the Netherlands.
b. This has been verified through the use of sensor data from
Germany and the Netherlands.
c. This phenomenon has been verified through the use of sensor
data from Germany and the Netherlands.
d. This traffic phenomenon has been verified through the use of
sensor data from Germany and the Netherlands.
Although up to this point we have emphasized this + noun, we know, in
fact, that there are occasions when “unattended” this (no following noun) is
perfectly reasonable. A study by Wulff et al. (2012) based on MICUSP
demonstrated that unattended this is common with these verbs: be (overwhelmingly the most common), mean, lead, result, have, and suggest. As you
can see, many of these verbs are short and simple and allow the author to
offer an interpretation or explanation, as can be seen in the common phrase
this is because . . . .
Presentation
Most instructors tolerate small errors in language in papers written by nonnative speakers—for example, mistakes in article or preposition usage. However, errors that instructors think could have been avoided by careful
proofreading are generally considered less acceptable. These include the use
of an incorrect homophone (a word that sounds exactly like another, such as
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too/to/two); basic grammar errors (e.g., subject-verb agreement); and misspelled words, including those that are not identified in a computer spellcheck routine. The issue of grammar errors is a complicated one since many
instructors do not appreciate how difficult it is to master some aspects of
English such as articles (a, an, and the) and prepositions. We believe that if
the flow of ideas is good, small errors may not be noticed; when the flow of
ideas is not strong—i.e., does not follow the old-to-new principle—grammar errors may be more pronounced. Thus, it makes more sense to us to
focus more on content and information flow first and then tend to matters
of grammar only after all other aspects of the paper are in good shape.
Finally, your work is more likely to receive a positive response if you consider these questions.
1. Does the information flow in an expected manner?
Look at the beginnings and ends of all sentences to see if there is a
content bridge linking them backward and forward. If there is no content bridge, revise to establish one or consider adding a linking word
or phrase.
2. Consider the overall format of your written work.
Does your paper seem to have been carefully prepared? Are there clear
paragraphs? Is the line spacing correct? Have you used standard fonts
and font sizes? Have you tried to follow the style of your field (APA,
MLA, IEEE, Chicago Style, to name a few)? If you are unsure of the
style common in your field, be sure to learn which to use.
3. Proofread for grammatical accuracy.
Do subjects and verbs agree? Have the appropriate verb tenses been
used? Have the articles a, an, and the been used when necessary? Is the
used too much? Do not automatically make changes based on suggestions from the grammar checker of your word processor. Some suggestions, such as changing from passive voice to active voice, may result
in a poor connection of ideas.
4. Check for misspelled words, even if you have spell-checked your work.
Has the correct homophone been used? Did the spell-checker miss
anything?
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TASK TWENTY-FOUR
Read this draft of a short discussion of earthquakes in Turkey and
the instructor comments on pages 51–52. Discuss each comment
with a partner and then decide whether it is R (reasonable) or
U (unreasonable). If you are unsure, indicate this with a question
mark (?). Consider then if and how you would revise the text.
Finally, write a new draft, taking into account other advice given
in the unit.
’ Turkey is located in a region that is shaken by severe earthquakes. ( They occurred almost every year. ) Central Anatolian
Fault Zone is one of the most active fault zones in the world, and
it lies along the northern part of the country, going from south
east to northwest. * The reason of that most of these severe earthquakes causes a lot of damage and death of many people is not
only the nature of the fault zone, but also that there are many
cities and highways settled on it.
+ Because many cities have been built on or within the vicinity
of geologic fault. , They are unquestionably prone to earthquakes.
– There are many earthquakes each year. . The most serious
damage occurred in August 1999. / It affected a big area and
caused approximately 20,000 people death and millions dollars
physical damage in three cities. Lk Too prevent such big damage
and loss in the future, researchers have been researching the 1999
earthquake. Ll They looked at the excellent seismic records from
recording stations near the epicenter of earthquake and saw that
there were signs of earthquake. Lm They might help to develop
some early warning systems to be aware of the upcoming shakings. Ln Even these can make warnings as short as 10 seconds
before the shakings, if there is a well-planned evacuation plan,
they may, at least, help to decrease the death toll of an earthquake.
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Instructor’s Comments
You have a good topic here and a good starting point. Your
problem-solution organization is clear, which is very important.
Here are a few suggestions for making your text even better.
____ 1. Although overall I understand the message you want to
convey, I think it would help to add some more
information in a few spots. For instance, in Sentence 9,
“a big area” is rather vague. Can you be more precise?
Also, in Sentence 9 you mention 3 cities were damaged.
Should you give the names and the cost of the damage
in each?
____ 2. In the first paragraph think about clarifying for your
reader that the earthquakes originate in the Central
Anatolian Fault Zone. Establish the connection. Also,
what about including a map so that readers can see
where the fault zone is?
____ 3. In Sentence 4 keep your focus on the earthquakes.
Beginning the sentence with the reason that the
earthquakes cause a lot of damage suggests that
you have already stated that the earthquakes cause a
lot of damage. Of course, readers should know that
earthquakes cause serious damage, but I think you
should say this. Consider beginning this sentence by
saying that the earthquakes cause a lot of damage
and then continue with your explanation.
____ 4. What do you think about giving some actual figures for
the total cost of the damage and perhaps give an
example of the most serious form of damage?
____ 5. In Sentence 11 you mention signs of the earthquake.
What kind of signs?
____ 6. The connection of your points in Sentences 1–3 could be
improved. I see what you’re saying, but you could say
it more efficiently. The point in Sentence 2 could be
woven into Sentence 1. This would also eliminate the
past tense in Sentence 2, which should not be used
because you are making a statement of fact.
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____ 7. I like the use of the word excellent in Sentence 11
since this gives your reader a sense of what you
think. You can position yourself better if you include
some language that indicates your perspective; just
reporting what others say or giving dry facts will not
help you distinguish yourself. While excellent is okay,
I wonder whether you can find a better word here.
What is it about the data that makes it excellent?
____ 8. Sentence 5 is not a complete sentence. Because
introduces a dependent clause that can’t stand alone.
Can you think of a way to connect this sentence to
the following one? Or make some other change?
____ 9. In Sentence 6 can you really say unquestionably? It
seems a bit dramatic.
____ 10. Do you really need Sentence 7? I’m not sure it adds
much. Sentence 7 just seems rather disconnected. Can
you integrate the information somewhere else?
____ 11. In Sentence 9 the referent for the pronoun it is not
100% clear. What is “it”?
____ 12. Sentence 9 describes a way to possibly minimize the
destructiveness of earthquakes. Can you think of a
smoother transition into the solution here? Something
like one way to . . . or one possible method of . . . ?
____ 13. Can you find another word for make in Sentence 13?
I understand what you are saying, but we usually
don’t use make with warning.
____ 14. Before turning in your next draft, be sure to check
the overall old-to-new flow of ideas. Be sure content
and organization are in good shape; then check the
grammar; and then in your final step of
proofreading, check the flow.
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Positioning
Now that you are familiar with some characteristics of academic writing, you
are ready to “position” or establish yourself as a junior member of your chosen field (see Figure 4).
FIGURE 4. Positioning
1: AN APPROACH TO ACADEMIC WRITING 53
Audience
Purpose
Organization
Style
Flow
Presentation
Positioning
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TASK TWENTY-FIVE
Mark these writing characteristics as H (helpful for positioning) or
U (unhelpful for positioning). In some cases, there is room for
disagreement. Explain your choices.
1. Choosing any writing style that you like ——
2. Expressing enthusiasm and commitment ——
3. Writing in a formal academic style ——
4. Making broad generalizations throughout a text ——
5. Being cautious about generalizations ——
6. Using references to support your points ——
7. Writing mainly from experience and personal knowledge ——
8. Reevaluating the work of authorities in the field ——
9. Showing an awareness of the “hot” issues in your field ——
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Unit Two
General-Specific and
Specific-General Texts
We have chosen to begin our focus on writing tasks with a type of text sometimes referred to as general-specific (GS). k the name suggests, the structure
of these texts involves movement from broader statements to more specific
ones. At the end of this unit, we will also introduce texts that move in the
opposite direction, namely from specific detail to more general content.
Such texts are common in a variety of fields such as Art History, History,
and Literature, but you may find exemplars of this writing strategy in other
fields where it may be helpful to orient the reader by providing “immediate
contact” with an object or context (Bondi, 2007).
GS texts are quite common in graduate student writing, and they are
comparatively straightforward. The GS pattern can be used at the paragraph
level as well as for larger units of discourse, such as a series of paragraphs in
a section or even the text as a whole. GS organization is often used to structure an introduction for a longer piece of writing. A GS pattern can help you
produce
a. an answer to an examination question
b. a course paper
c. an opening paragraph of an assignment
d. background (or scene-setting) to an analysis or discussion.’
GS texts typically begin with one of the following: a short or extended
definition, a generalization or purpose statement, a statement of fact, or
some interesting statistics. While the overall movement is from more general
1 Choices b, c, and d may also take the form of a descriptive or evaluative summary of previous studies. See Unit Five.
55
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56 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
to specific, these texts can widen out again in the final sentence. The shape is
similar to that of a glass or funnel with a base (see Figure 5).
TASK ONE
FIGURE 5. Shape of a GS Text
General statement
L
Elaboration on
the statement
L
More detailed
elaboration
Broader statement
[Ii§! : %
Here are excerpts from a published paper entided “Reality TV
Formats: The Case of Canadian Idol” from the Canadian Journal of
Communication (Baltruschat, 2009). Read them and answer the
questions on pages 57-59.
A_ From documentaries to docu-soaps and game-docs
o The emergence of reality TV represents a shift from what
Kilborn (2003) calls the more “serious” representation of sociohistorical events to programming that is produced predominantly for entertainment purposes. 41) Reality programs are
linked to different documentary forms, such as documentary
journalism, cinema verite traditions, and the observational documentary. 0 However, due to elements of popular entertainment programming (e.g., talk shows, game shows, and soap
operas), reality TV ultimately creates its own generic map.
e Commenting on these programs, Hill (2005, p. 50) suggests
2: GENERAL-SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
a fact/fiction continuum, which reflects the sliding scale of factuality. 0The continuum covers contemporary documentaries
and popular factual entertainment ranging from docu-soaps and
game-docs to makeovers and quiz shows.
1. How does the author take readers from the general opening
emphasis on reality TV to the final focus on “docu-soaps and
game-docs to malreovers and quiz shows”? Would you agree that
the first sentence provides a more general point than the last
one?
2. Talre a closer look at the information flow. Underline the beginning (or opening) focus of each sentence. Except for Sentence I,
for each sentence opening, can you find a connection to some
similar information in the previous sentence? If so, how does this
contribute to the information flow?
S7
3. Do you think the author could have started with this variation of
Sentence 4? Why or why not?
(,) In her research on reality TV, Hill (2005, p. 50) suggests a
fact/fiction continuum, which reflects the sliding scale of
factual ity.
4. Read the next paragraph of the text. Does it logically flow from
the first? How did you decide this?
B. 0 Similar to documentaries, reality programs aim for the
“articulation of the authentic self’ in order to depict “moments of
truth” (Holmes, 2004, p 159). f)Tele-confessionals in
designated video rooms and individual strategies for winning
the game provide intimate accounts of unfolding events.
@) Also, slightly off-the-mark camera angles and out-of-focus
shots contribute to a sense of immediacy and intimacy with
characters and suggest a “f1y-on-the-wall” experience for
viewers. Ii) Reality TV producers aim for this “tele-factuality”
(Corner, 2002, p. 257), which is reflected in statements such as
“the camera doesn’t lie, [e]specially up close” (Canada’s Next
Top Model, City tv, 2006). Gil Similarly, the executive producer of
58 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Big Brother states, “I wanted it to look live and exciting ….
[TJhis was not meant to be a polished drama. We were filming
it for real, and it was a virtue of the programme that viewers
understood that” (Ruth Wrigley, cited in Ritchie, 2000, p. 11,
italics added). G) Indeed, Lewis (2004) refers to a “tele-reality”
into which people from the “everyday world” are submerged to
perform their role. G) Viewers understand this blurring of
boundaries between the public, private, and “adjacent realities”
(Lewis, 2004, p. 295). G) And they find pleasure in looking for
moments of “truth” that may shine through improvised performances (Hill, 2005).
5. Now compare Sentence 1 and Sentence 13. The text has moved
from talking about reality TV in general to the vety specific
point about viewers’ understanding of the genre and the “truth.”
Can you outline how the author has created this general-to-specific
discussion?
1. ______________________________ ___
(most specific point in Paragraph A)
2. ______________________ __
(most specific point in Paragraph B)
6. How much repetition of vocabulary is present in the text? Did
you notice the repetition when you first read it or ouly after you
began analyzing the text?
— 2: GENERAL-SPECIFIC/SPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
7. Why is truth in Sentence 13 in quotation marks?
8. Note that Sentence 13 begins with and. How common is and in
sentence-initial position in your field? Are you comfortable using
it? If not, can you suggest another linking expression?
9. Overall, how easy or challenging is this text to read? What features contribute to your opinion?
10. Does the text give the impression that the author is knowledgeable? Why or why not?
59
The GS passage on reality TV is not unlike a response to a paper assignment
in a Communications or Sociology course. An assigned topic might be
somerhing like this.
Are reality TV programs similar to or different from traditional
documentaries?
Alternatively, the passage could also have been the opening paragraph to a
different assignment-perhaps one asking students to analyze a reality TV
program. Or it could have been an assignment focusing on the aims of realityTV:
Central to creating a GS text is your strategy for information flow. You
want to be sure that the text is indeed becoming more specific. Let’s look
more closely at how this is accomplished in this text on plug-in hybrid electric vehicles.
o The increasing popularity of electric vehicles (EVs) and plug-in
hybrid electric vehicles (PHEVs) is attributed to the savings in fuel
costs compared to conventional internal combustion engine (ICE)
vehicles. @ EVs and PHEVs save energy due to the employment of
reverse regenerating braking during the deceleration cycle. 8 This
energy is typically stored in batteries and/or ultracapacitors (UCs).
o The incorporation of on-board energy storage systems (ESS) and
generation in PHEVs has been facilitated and dictated by the market
demands for enhanced performance and range.
Amjadi and Williamson, 2009.
60 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
This text is a good example of old-to-new information flow. In Sentences 1
and 2 the old information is electric vehicles. Sentence 2 also introduces
energy as some new and more specific information. Energy is then picked up
in Sentence 3 as old information, and the sentence introduces ultracapacitors
as new information. Ultracapacitors marks a clear narrowing of the topic,
which in Sentence 4 now focuses on on-board energy storage and generation. In just a few sentences, the topic narrowed from the broad focus on
electric vehicles to energy srorage as well as performance and range of electric vehicles. This has been accomplished by strategically picking up some
new information at the end of one sentence and providing more information on the new topic.
TASK TWO
Discuss with a partner how well the author moves the information
from general to specific.
o The tragedy of the commons refers to the tendency to overuse
common resources without controls or regulations. 8 The tragedy
of the commons was described in terms of herders sharing a
common parcel of land (Hardin, 1968). @Although the tragedy of
the commons is an old concept, it remains a serious problem in
the world. (,) Most of the present environment and natural resource
issues can be tied to this concept. 43 Today this concept is applied
to “global” commons such as transboundary pollution, tropical
deforestation, and climate change. (3 According to Dietz, Ostrom,
& Stern (2007), environmental resources should be governed to
protect the commons. fjSustained research on both domestic
and international policies (Dietz et aI., 2007) is also necessary to
determine the appropriate regulatory policies.
–
2: GENERAL -SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-G ENERAL TEXTS 6]
As in many GS texts, the electtic vehicle passage (and the one on page 60)
began with a general statement. General statements of fact or tendency can
often be useful starting points of papets and sections of papers. In fact, our
small study of a subset of student papers in MICUSp2 revealed that this was
overwhelmingly the most common choice of openings among students. Other
common ways to begin a paper include providing some interesting statistics, a
quotation, or a definition.
Opening with General Statements
General statements can include those providing facts as well as broad statements made about a topic that are usually, but not necessarily always, true.
Here are a few examples.
Individuals in organizations exhibit a wide range of behaviors,
from the minimalist who does the least possible to maintain
membership to those who go beyond expectations, engaging
in extra-role behavior to promote the effective operation of
the organization or to benefit others.
In the last decade, tremendous strides have been made in
the science and technology of organic light-emitting diodes
(OLEOs).
Medical tourism is growing in countries such as Thailand,
Malaysia, and the Philippines.
Generalizations that you anticipate readers are likely to accept can be
effective opening sentences. By beginning with information that is generally
accepted, you begin with something familiar to the readers, and ease them
into your paper. While you may worry whether starting with familiar information is a good strategy, in many fields this may be preferred over starting
with a highly challenging or provocative claim. Why do you suppose this is?
Mter making a general statement, some support Of explanation for the
statement should be offered, which, as we have discussed, helps move the
passage from general to specific. Support can take the form of specific detail
or perhaps a citation to earlier work. Whether you begin a GS text with a
general statement or a definition is a matter of personal preference. However, sometimes one may be a strategically better choice than the other.
2 The Michigan Corpus of Upper-level Student Papers is available at .WWW.elicorpora.info/.
62 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Suppose, for instance, the topic assigned is “The English Language.” Now, if
we were to write on this topic as linguists and the audience was a professor
in Linguistics, we might open the text with a definition.
English is a language that belongs to the West Germanic
subgroup of the Indo-European language family. It began its
history as a distinct tongue in England around 500 ACE.
However, in other circumstances, depending on your purpose, it may be a
better strategy to start with a generalization.
In comparison to many of the world’s better-known languages,
English is relatively new. Indeed, the English of 600 years ago
can be understood only by specialists.
Although Chinese has the greatest number of native speakers,
English is the most widely distributed language in the world
today. This position derives from the fact that English is
widely taught as a second language in schools and widely
used in international communication as a lingua franca.
Trz m
TASK THREE
Three pairs of sentences are shown on page 63, each consisting of a
definition and a generalization. When would it be better to begin a
text with the first sentence in each pair rather than the second?
Example
A. Plug-in hybrid electric vehicle (PHEV) technology is
considered a potential near-term approach to addressing
global warming and U.S. dependency on foreign oil in the
transportation sector as the cost, size, and weight of batteries
are increasingly reduced.
B. A plug-in hybrid electric vehicle (PHEV) combines the
propulsion capabilities of a traditional combustion engine
with an electric motor.
j
2: GENERAL -SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-G ENERAL TEXTS
Sentence A may be good for either expert or non-expert readers.
The information in Sentence A seems broadly accessible since readers should be familiar with global warming and dependency on foreign oil. Although most definitions often work for an audience that
is unfamiliar with the topic to be addressed, the definition in Sentence B might be too technical for a broad audience. So, it seems
that Sentence B would be best for an audience familiar with concepts like propulsion and traditional combustion engines. In the
end, audience matters.
1. a. Since their introduction, social network sites (SNSs) snch
as MySpace, Facebook, RenRen, and Bebo have attracted
millions of users, many of whom have integrated these sites
into their daily practices. As of this writing, there are
hundreds of SNSs, with various technological affordances,
supporting a wide range of interests and practices.
b. According to Messinger et al. (2009) a social networking
website is a platform in which members can (a) easily create
“profiles” with information about themselves, and (b) define
their “trusted” circle of friends.
2. a. Since their discovery in the late 1970s, hydrothermal vents
associated with mid-oceanic ridges have fascinated scientists
of various disciplines.
b. A hydrothermal vent is a fissure in a planet’s surface from
which geothermally heated water emerges (Lal, 2008). Such
vents are commonly found near volcanically active places,
areas where tectonic plates are moving apart, and new crust is
being formed.
63
3. a. Folk art is often defined as an art form created out of everyday
materials by untrained artists.
b. Folk art distinguishes itself from what is commonly known as
fine art in that it has been and remains an important link in
cultural transmission.
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64 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Opening with Statistics
Statistics can be parricularly effective openings to GS texrs because they can
sometimes generate reader interest in the text, as demonstrated by this
excerpt from a student paper written for a mechanical engineering course.
In the United States in 2006, 4,784 pedestrians were killed in traffic
accidents. Because a larger percentage of Americans use private
vehicles than walk or use public transportation compared to people
in many countries in the European Union and around the world,
less attention is given in the U.S. to pedestrian safety than in these
more pedestrian-friendly countries. In addition, though numerous
efforts have been made to improve vehicle passenger safety (air
bags, crumple zones, et cetera), no similar effort to protect pedestrians has been initiated. While pedestrians were involved in just
over 1 % of all traffic accidents in 2006, these vulnerable road users
accounted for over 12% of all traffic fatalities.
MICUSP FileMEC.GI.03.1
TASK FOUR
Discuss with a partner whether opening a GS text with some statistics
is possible in your field of study. Why are such openings potentially
interesting for readers? Now look at this GS opening from a student
paper in Economics and answer the questions on page 65.
o Between 1992 and 1995, an international lysine cartel that
included five companies illegally colluded on prices around the
world. CD Lysine is an amino acid used as a feed additive for
enhancing muscle growth in livestock. 0 Prior to the collusive
agreement, worldwide sales of lysine were over $600 million
annually and this figure increased by $200 million following the
price-fixing arrangement.
MICUSP File ECO.GO.02.2
,……–
2: GENERAL-SPECIFIC/SPECIFIC-G ENERAL TEXTS
1. What message is the author tryiug to convey in the first three
sentences?
2. The purpose of this paper was to examine the extent to which
economic models on collusion describe collusion in the lysine
industry. Do you think this is an effective opening? Why or why
not?
3. What is the purpose of Sentence 2? How important is this
sentence?
Opening with Definitions
65
Definitions are a common way of getting started; they are “hooks” from
which GS paragraphs can be hung. Such paragraphs typically open with fullsentence definitions. Textbooks, in contrast, often introduce the definitional
information as a minor part of the sentence, as in this example:
The majority of corporate profits, or earnings after all the
operating expenses have been deducted, are subject to tax
by the government,
Textbook definitional information is used to clarifY terms that may be unfamiliar to the reader, However, this is not your task if your audience is already
familiar with the terms and expects you to write a text that demonstrates
your understanding of concepts,
In the next part of this unit, we will highlight certain aspects of the structure of these key definitional sentences. We will then consider more
extended definitions, cOD;trastive definitions (e.g., organic versus inorganic
chemistry), and comparative definitions (i,e” discussions of the advantages
and disadvantages of competing definitions),
Writing a Definition
The term definition comes from the Latin word dejinio, which means “to
limit or bound; to interpret ideas or words in terms of each other; to understand one thing by another.” A definition sets the boundaries for a word’s
meaning. As you are aware, one term can have different meanings depending
on the context. The dictionary definition of cold, for example, usually has
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66 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
something to do with low temperature or a deficiency of heat. But cold is a
relative term whose meaning changes with context. In the following text,
how does the author define particularly cold for the reader?
Only when environmental conditions are particularly cold, for
example during winter conditions at latitudes above about 50′
in either hemisphere, or when cold is associated with windy and
especially wet conditions, or when the athlete exercises in cold
water for prolonged periods, does the risk arise that the athlete will
lose heat faster than he or she can produce it.
Noakes, 2000.
Words and phrases may also have different meanings depending on the field
of study. For example, tone has several definitions. In Music, a tone can be a
sound of distinct pitch, quality, and duration; while in Linguistics, tone can
refer to the rise or fall of the voice on a particular syllable (as in Chinese). In
Interior Design, tone may be a color or shade of color. And, finally, tone in
Physiology may be used to describe the normal state of elastic tension or
partial contraction in resting muscles.
Apart from disciplinary differences in the meaning of a term, meanings
may differ within some fields of study; this is not uncommon in the social
sciences and the humanities. In these fields the definition of a term may not
be agreed on by members of the discipline; there may be multiple or competing definitions, each of which has merit. An awareness of these differences may be critical for your reading as well as your writing. Indeed, to
quote Boggs (2009), “Definitions are curious things. On the surface, one
resembles another, sometimes more closely, sometimes less. Beneath their
surface, however, lurks the essential quality that differentiates one definition
from another, a quality that makes that definition unique to its referent.”
To illustrate, while we may all have an understanding of fast food, definitions of the concept differ for different research purposes and it may be necessary to clearly state the definition so as to avoid misunderstanding or
criticism. Even within the sciences there is a need for clarifying concepts
such as high blood pressure, for which there are no universally accepted pressure readings (which in turn can complicate comparisons of study outcomes). Even in the sciences there are occasionally debates regarding the
meaning of important concepts such as noise. We will return to the issue of
multiple definitions later.
2: GENERAL-SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS 67
To sum up, we suggest that you offer a definition of a term or concept if
one or more of the following apply
1. the term Of concept is perhaps unfamiliar to your readers
2. you need to display your understanding for a course paper or examination
3. the origin of the term is interesting or sheds light on the meaning (as
in our definition of definition earlier)
4. there is a lack of agreement on at some ambiguity surrounding the
meanmg
TASK FIVE
List some terms in your own field with meanings different from
those in everyday life. In Engineering, you might consider the word
chip Of jitter. In Business, Computer Science, or Automotive Engi~
neering, you might consider the word crash. Engineers may also
consider noise. What about a cloud? Now define one or two of those
terms as we did for tone in Linguistics and Physiology.
Some Common Ways to Define in
Academic Writing
Definitions are common in student papers and published papers. Definitions may simply be short, parenthetical addirions to a senrence or perhaps a
larger paft of a paper. The extenr of the definition depends on the purpose of
the paper, the level of familiarity your audience has with the subject, and the
extent to which there is an agreed-upon definition of the concept. Here are
some common ways to define.
1. short definitions or “glosses” that give information about a term in a
word or phrase and are placed within either parentheses or commas in
a senrence; phtasal definitions signaled by such devices as i.e. or
phrases sucb as known as, defined as, and called
2. sentence definitions, which are brief and somewhat similar to a dictionary definition
3. extended definitions, which are longer and more detailed than definitions found in dictionaries
68 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
@ Language Focus: Verbs in Defining and Naming
Here we offer a few points on verb choices for you to consider when you
offer an explanation of a term.
a. The verb name itself is uncommon and seems restricted to a focus on
the name itself.
This new species was named Ascochyta mycoparasitica.
b. The verb denote is common but seems largely restricted to matters of
notation.
Any rotational velocity is usually denoted by f. Any vector
in this paper will be denoted by a bold letter.
c. The verb call can be used in definitions, but using it in full sentences
can be tricky. One danger in written papers is that it can give the
impression of stating the obvious, as in this example.
A book containing lists of word definitions is called a
dictionary.
While this kind of definitional explanation may be fine when provided by the instructor, it may not work so well when writing for
experts. Notice the general-to-specific order of information and the
use of the passive in the following examples.
This new method is called activity-based costing, or simply
ABC.
Fig. 15 shows two simple mirrors, bending around the
light. The configuration may be called a two-dimensional
corner reflector.
d. With more than a million hits on Google Scholar, the phrase known as
would appear to be fairly common in definitional sentences.
Another principle source of heat is the natural increase in
temperature as the depth increases. This is known as the
geothermal gradient.
r
2: GENERAL-SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS 69
e. The verb define is widely used and ofren represenrs a safe oprion, especially in more elaborate explanations and for terms or concepts that
can be defined in more than one way.
Shadow work may be defined as those subsistence activities engaged in by the homeless which are outside of the
regular employment system, but not necessarily outside of
the market system altogether (llich, 1981).
For the purposes of this study, fast food is defined as food
sold by a franchised restaurant chain offering both dining
and take-out facilities with no “table” service (e.g., McDonald’s).
One important product attribute is perceived product
sophistication, which I define here as the degree to which
a product exhibits the latest technological advances.
In the preceding examples, what expressions suggest to you that other
definitions may be possible?
f. Finally, the verb reftr to is widely used in definition sentences in
academic writing.
The natural gas contained in coal formations is generally
referred to as coal bed methane.
Individuals may go above and beyond the call of duty to
help coworkers, prevent problems, or volunteer to stay late
when not expected to do so. This behavior is intended to
help others in the organization or the organization itself
and is often referred to as organizational citizenship
behavior (OCB).
Reductionism primarily refers to inappropriate simplification.
IdentifY the uses of the passive voice in the first two sample definitions. Why do you suppose passive voice was used?
Finally, remember that it is possible to simply place a short definition in parentheses after a term, as in this example.
DNA microarrays (or gene chips) are an extremely powerful
new tool in the field of genomics-based biotechnology.
70 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
tUT n
TASK SIX
IdentifY and underline the definitional elements in each passage.
1. In addition to the examination of historical records, a study
of the geologic record of past seismic activities, called paleoseismology; can be used to evaluate the occurrence and size of
earthquakes in the region. Geomorphic (surface landform) and
trench studies may reveal the number of past seismic events,
slip per event, and timing of the events at a specific fault.
2. The uncertainty associated with the energy obtained from other
types of non-utility generators (NUGs), i.e., thermal and hydro,
is relatively small compared to that associated with wind.
3. Average raw scores on IQ tests have been rising for years (Flynn,
1984, 1987, 1999), by an estimated three IQ points per decade
(Neisser, 1998). This rise, known as the Flynn effect, has
received much attention, though its exact nature was recently
questioned.
4. Phytoremediation is the direct use of living green plants for
in situ, Of in place, risk reduction for contaminated soil, sediments, and groundwater.
5. Procrastination refers to deliberately putting off one’s intended
actions.
6. Software watermarking is a process in which identifying information is embedded into a file, enabling authors to control the
distribution of and verifY ownership of their digital information.
The purpose of software watermarking is to protect the intellectual property that belongs to the author.
flF =
TASK SEVEN
Skim one or two journal articles in your area of study (perhaps the
texts you examined in Task Fourteen of Unit One), looking for definitions. Highlight any definitions you find and tty to categorize
them as one of the types described. In which section of the article
did you find the definitions? Why? Bring your findings to class.
J02 ‘Pm
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—- 2: GENERAL-SPECIFIC/SPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
A Brief Look at the Elements of Formal
Sentence Definitions
71
Let us now look at formal sentence definitions. As we said earlier, sentence
definitions are often a useful starting point for a GS paragraph. In a formal
sentence definition, such as the examples that follow, the term being defined
is first assigned to a class or group to which it belongs and then distinguished from other terms in the class. The class word is a superordinate-a
category word one level of generality above the term. Some common superordinates, Of class words, are technique, method, process, device, and system
(Pearson, 1998).
Annealing is a metalworking process in which a material is
subjected to elevated temperatures for a period of time to
cause structural or electrical changes in its properties.
To what class does annealing belong? How is it different from other members of the class, such as hammering or welding? So what we have here is this
structure:
Term islare alan class thatlwh-word3 + distinguishing detail
A solar cell IS a device that/which converts the energy of
sunlight into electric
energy.
Notice the use of the indefinite articles a and an in the first part of these
definitions. Also note that the distinguishing information in the restrictive
relative clause can be introduced by either a full or a reduced relative clause.
(For more information on the grammar of definitions, see Appendix One.)
3 Although some style manuals recommend using that instead of which in restrictive relative
clauses, research shows that which continues to be used in definition statements. Therefore,
we have used both which and that in the sample definitions presented in this unit.
72 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Now notice also that in a full relative clause, the relative pronoun can be
preceded by a preposition. The relative pronoun which must be used in this
type of restrictive relative clause. This construction is common in formal
academic writing.
Organizational learning is a process through which firms
develop new knowledge or insights.
A bioactive material is a material on which bone-like
hydroxyapatite will form selectively after it is immersed
in a serum-like solution [1] and [5].
IUSOO J &
TASK EIGHT
Complete the definitions by inserting an appropriate preposition.
1. A thermometer is an instrument _____ which temperature
can be measured.
2. Photosynthesis is a process which sunlight is used
to manufacture carbohydrates from water and carbon dioxide.
3. A credit bureau is an organization which businesses
can apply for financial informarion on potential customers.
4. An anhydride is a compound which the elements of
water have been removed.
5. An eclipse is a celestial event which one body, such
as a star, is covered by another, such as a planet.
6. An axis is an imaginary line _____ which a body is said to
rotate.
7. Mentoring is a means which professional values are
imprinted and transmitted from one generation to the next.
8. Demography is a discipline that is concerned with changes in
population size and the degree which fertility (i.e.,
births), mortality (i.e., deaths), and migration (i.e., movement
into and out of an area) contribute to these changes.
9. Energy balance is a state which the number of
calories eaten equals the number of calories used.
10. “Hotelling” is a new type of office design which
employees who mosdy work at home or in the field are not given
permanent offices but, rather, shared, temporary space as needed.
j
2: GENERAL -SPECIFiC/SPECIFiC-GENERAL TEXTS 73
Whereby is commonly used in formal writing instead of by which, by means
of which, and through which.
Collective bargaining is a process whereby employers agree
to discuss work-related issues with employee representatives.
Here are two final pieces of advice about writing formal definitions. First, if
possible, avoid using any form of your term in the definition. Using the term
itself in the definition can result in a circular or uninformative definition.
Erosion is a process during which the surface of the earth
erodes. —+
Erosion is a process during which the surface of the earth is
degraded by the effects of the atmosphere, weather, and
human activity.
Some authors, however, prefer to repeat tbe term (or a form of the term)
to achieve clarity.
Queries may be one-time queries or recurrent queries. A
recurrent query is a query that an application submits to
request that a sensing/actuation task be carried out or that
an event be detected repetitively with a given frequency and
for a given duration.
Second, if possible, use when and where in definitions only if necessary.
These may seem overly informal to readers.
Pollution is when the environment becomes contaminated as
a result of human activity. —+
Pollution is a form of environmental contamination resulting
from human activity.
A fault is where there is a fracture in the earth’s crust and the
rock on one side of the fracture moves in relation to the rock
on the other side. —+
A fault is a fracture in the Earth’s crust in which the rock on
one side of the fracture moves in relation to the rock on the
other side.
74 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
@ ;;
TASK NINE
Write a one-sentence definition for one of the following terms or
one term from your own field. Make sure you provide enough specific detail to distinguish your term from other members in its class.
a bridge
a computer virus
a laser
a conductor
a carcinogen
a migraine
a piano
a syllabus
arsenic (As)
Exchange and discuss your definition(s) with a partner.
7 IT
Extended Definitions
So far we have dealt only with sentence definitions. In some cases, one sentence may be enough before continuing with a GS passage. However, in others, it may be relevant and important to expand the definition, particularly
in a course paper. In this way, you can demonstrate your knowledge of a
concept more fully. An extended definition usually begins with a general,
one-sentence definition and then becomes more specific as additional details
are provided. There may be a need to focus 011 aspects such as components,
types, applications, history, or examples.
‘” f fir
TASK TEN
Read the following extended definitions. Discuss with a partner the
kind of information that has been included. Does the definition
mainly discuss components, applications, history, examples, or
something else?
1. A microscope is an optical instrnment with which the apparent
size of an object can be enhanced. A simple microscope consists
of a double convex lens and a magnifying glass. A compound
microscope, on the other hand, will contain more than one of
each of these lenses, which are situated at the ends of a cylinder.
.J
2: GENERAL-SPECIFIC/SPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
,
2. Pollution is a form of environmental contamination resulting
from human activity. Some common forms of pollution are
wastes from the burning of fossil fuels and sewage running into
rivers. Even litter and excessive noise or light can be considered
forms of pollution because of the impact they can have on the
environment.
3. Perspective is a technique in art that is used to represent three~
dimensional objects and depth relationships on a flat surface.
Modern linear perspective (which involves making objects
seem smaller the more distant they are from the observer) was
probably first used in the 1400s by the artist Masaccio and the
architects Filippo Brunelleschi and Leon Battista Alberti in
Florence, Italy. Before this time, artists paid little attention to
realistic perspective. In recent decades, many modern artists
have returned to the practices of early artists and have abandoned realistic perspective.
4. An acrylic plastic is a polymer which can take a high polish, is
clear and transparent, and can be shaped while hot. Because of
these and other characteristics, acrylic plastic is used in situations
where glass is not suitable or desirable, for instance, in certain
types of windshields.
& £ &
75
An extended definition may also include information regarding operating
principles or causes and effects. A description of operating principles is also
known as a process analysis. A process analysis has some unique characteristics, which will be discussed in greater detail in Unit Three, but we provide
this example to illustrate.
Lateralization is a developmental process during which the two
sides of the brain become specialized for different functions. As a
child develops, the two sides of the brain become asymmetric in
that each side controls different abilities. Language, for instance, is
controlled by the left side of the brain and certain types of pattern
recognition by the right. However, there is some disagreement as
to when this speCialization is complete. Some researchers believe
the process is not complete until puberty, while others maintain
that the brain is lateralized by age five.
76 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Extended definitions may also include information about many other features, such as rarity and cost. You can even go beyond the type of specific
detail just described and display your breadth of understanding by discussing problems, exceptions, and future predictions, as demonstrated by
this text written by one of our students.
A lab on a chip (LOC) is a microfluid device that integrates a variety
of laboratory functions onto one chip that may be as small as a few
centimeters or millimeters. The chips can be fabricated by standard
photolithography and time controlled wet etching on a glass slide.
Similar to electronic circuits that route the flow of electricity on
computer chips without external controls, the microfluidic circuits
etched onto a material regulate the flow of fluid through their
devices without instructions from outside systems. A lab on a chip
can analyze a volume of liquid 10,000 times (or more) smaller than
that required for a conventional analytical instrument. A further
advantage is that the work of an entire lab can be done on a single
chip. Given their size and time-saVing advantages LOC technologies
will become key instruments in the process of diagnosing and
fighting disease.
H. j. Kim, minor editing
The LOC text was written by a student who knew the concept well
enough to not need citations to other work; our examination of MICUSP,
however, reveals that most students rely on one or more citations in their
extended definitions, the reasons for which are taken up in Unit Eight.
Some students use quoted material, but many use their own words so as to
reveal their understanding. Note the use of citations in these two texts. In
each case, the authors chose to use their own words and placed the original
author and date in parentheses.
Insomnia is defined as inadequate or poor sleep based on the quality
of sleep, number of wakings in a night, length of time sleeping, and
length of time spent awake during the night (Vincent et aI., 2006).
Causes of insomnia can be transient or chronic (Schenck, 2008).
2: GENERAL-SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
Transient insomnia is related to sickness, stress, and traveling,
Chronic insomnia is a disruption in sleep every night for more than
6 months. If untreated, insomnia can increase the risk for severe
depression. When patients are treated for insomnia, they often
report little change, even when sleep patterns improve. These
poor sleep habits are also correlated with anxiety and increased
worrying Uansson-Fr6jmark & Lindblom, 2008).
To accomplish the necessary increase in effluent* quality, the city
government selected to upgrade to a membrane bioreactor (MBR)
system. MBRs can be defined as systems that integrate biological
treatment of wastewater with membrane filtration techniques.
They offer several advantages compared to conventional biological
treatment systems, including improved biodegradation efficiency,
higher loading rates, lower sludge production, improved effluent
quality, and smaller plant size. Additionally, MBRs eliminate settling
problems, which are often troublesome in wastewater treatment
(Cicek, 2002), and are more automated, allowing for less operator
monitoring. Disadvantages associated with MBRs are mainly cost
related, due to expensive membrane units, frequent membrane
cleaning, and high energy demands.
In each text, the author used non-integral citations, placing the original
author and date information in parentheses. In doing so, the focus remains
on the content rather than the source of the information. The choice of citation form, therefore, can be very important in establishing a good flow of
ideas.
*outHow from a sewer Of sewage system.
78 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
f1m m FiL!I& !!iii \!JJli!
TASK ELEVEN
Now read the extended definition by one of our students aud
answer the questions.
o Navigation is a process by which means of transport can be
guided to their destination when the route has few or no landmarks. 8 Some of the earliest navigators were sailors, who steered
their ships first by the stars, then with a compass, and later with
more complicated instruments that measured the position of the
sun. 8 We are reminded of this by the fact that the word navigation
comes from the Latin word for “ship.” e However, the history and
importance of navigation changed radically in the 20th century
with the development of aircraft and missiles, which fly in three
dimensions. 0 Today, both ships and aircraft rely heavily on computerized navigational systems, known as Global Positioning Sys·
tem (GPS), that can provide a continuous, immediate, and accurate
report of position. (it In fact, the capabilities of GPS render the older
positioning technologies impractical and obsolete.
Benny Bechor, minor editing
L What type of information is included in each of the sentences in
the definition?
2. How is the passage organized?
3. What tenses are used for which sentences? Why?
4. Sentence 3 begins with we. Is this appropriate?
5. The term navigation is also used in connection with the internet.
How and under what circumstances could this connection be
included in the discussion?
iUS HI j IJ£ ZM?
Notice how the paragraph moves from a very general statement at the
beginning to specific details and then “widens out” again in the final sentence to describe the current status of navigation. As noted at the beginning
of this unit, this pattern is quite common in paragraphs of this type.
f’
2: GENERAL-SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
TASK TWELVE
Here are the sentences of a GS passage on an unusual but interesting topic. Work with a partner to put them back in the correct
order. Write 1 next to the first sentence, 2 next to the second, and
so on.
Palindromes
a. The term itself comes from the Aucient Greek word
palindromos meaning “running back again.”
b. Another good and more recent example is “draw pupils
lip upward.”
c. Now, however, computers have allowed word puzzlers to
construct palindromes that are thousands of words long,
but these are simply lists of unrelated words that do not
have meaning when taken together.
d. A palindrome is a word or phrase that results in the same
sequence of letters no matter whether it is read from left
to right or from right to left.
e. One of the classic long palindromes is ”A man, a plan, a
canal, Panama.)’
f. Before we had computers, long palindromes used to be
very hard to construct, and some word puzzlers spent
immense amounts of time trying to produce good
examples.
__ g. Some common English words are palindtomes, such as
pop, dad, noon, and race car.
Alb;;;; ~ h
79
11
80 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
–
TASK THIRTEEN
This task presents a draft of a definition along with some instructor
comments (see page 81). Revise the text after reading the comments. Re-write the entire passage to reHect the changes that you
think are reasonable.
o Automotive airbag is occupant restraint system. 8 It provides
protection for occupant of vehicle in crash. 8 Although airbags
may seem to be somewhat recent innovation, rapidly inflating air
cushions designed to prevent crash injuries existed for quite some
time. ” Before being used in the automobiles. 13 In fact researchers
filed very first patents for inflatable safety cushion to be used in
airplanes during World War II.
() A recent study by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration concluded that airbags save nearly 1,000 lives annually.
e In the future even more lives will be saved as new airbag technologies are developed. 0 Currently, for example, research is being
done on as many as six different types of airbags that will offer
protection in a wider range of accidents beyond front-end and
side-impact collisions.
@)Automotive airbag technology developed between 1940
and 1960 was quite similar to that of airbags currently in use.
G Those early airbag systems were very difficult to implement
and costly. III The main concern for design engineers at the time
centered on storage. III And the efficient release of compressed air.
f!) The housing of the system had to be large enough for a gas
canister. G) The canister had to keep the gas at high pressure for
a long period of time. ED The bag itself had to have a special
design. CD It would deploy reliably and inflate within 40 milliseconds. f!)The solution to these problems came in the early 1970s
with the development of small inflators. CD Inflators used hot nitro·
gen instead of air to deploy the bag. CD It allowed the widespread
installation of airbags in vehicles beginning in the 1980s.
2: GENERAL-SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS 81
Instructor’s Comments
Your draft {oaks yrettr:J (jood. Tenses “re Just jinc, but there stiU
“re “jew thiYl(]s (jou nced to work
progress and their chances to succeed and underestimate the time
needed to achieve their goal (Lay, 1987, 1988). G) In contrast, pes·
simistic procrastinators do worry about their dilatory behavior (Mil·
gram et aI., 1992). G) They are aware of the fact that they get
behind schedule. G) Nevertheless, they still procrastinate because
they do not know how to deal with the task (Lay, 1987, 1988).
fDThey feel incompetent and are afraid that their involvement in
the task will prove their incompetence. ED Therefore, they procrastinate to avoid unpleasant experiences.
Dewitte and Lens, 2000.
1. “What elements make the passage seem “academic”?
2. Why do the authors indude the general discussion of procrastination in Sentences 1-6?
3. What is the purpose of Sentence 7? Is this sentence helpful to a
reader? Why?
4. Underline the sentence connectors in the text. What kinds of
connector did the author use (see page 37)? How do these affect
the How of ideas?
5. In Sentence 4 there is a summary phrase. What does this
phenomenon rerer to?
6. Why do you suppose the authors used sometimes and might in
Sentence 6?
7. If, during the revision process, you thought that the passage
would be improved by breaking it into two paragraphs, where
would you put the paragraph break?
2: GENERAL-SPECIFIC/SPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS 89
8. The authors have chosen to place the references to previous work
in parentheses. What wonld be the effect of clearly making the
reference part of the sentences, as in this example?
They are aware of the fact that they get behind schedule.
Nevertheless, Lay (1987, 1988) states that they still procrastinate because they do not know how to deal with the task.
How do writers refer to previous work in your field? Do they use
numbers, parentheses, or something else? If you do not know,
check a journal in your field.
9. What might the authors of this text discuss next?
10. What question (or questions) might this passage be part of an
answer to?
11. What field do you think the passage is from?
TASK EIGHTEEN
We offer two choices here. Write an extended definition of a term
for which there are competing definitions. Or write a contrastive
definition for a term in your field. Remember to use citations if you
refer to sources.
J £J U’kl!%lU
Discussions of Schools of Thought
Many fields have controversies that have led to competing schools of
thought. Examples are schools of thought in Economics, the different categorizations of intelligence, or disagreements about the origins of the universe. Passages outlining these schools of thought often involve highlighting
contrasts. Notice how this is done in the sample text in Task Nineteen.
90 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK NINETEEN – Read this comparative definition and answer the qnestions on page
91. This passage is more complex than others presented so far. Use
a dictionary to check the meanings of words you do not know.
Theories of Humor
o Generally speaking, humor is a quality in an event or expression
of ideas which often evokes a physical response of laughter in a
person. 4′) It is an evasive quality that over the centuries has been
the subject of numerous theories attempting to describe its origins .
• There are essentially three main theories of humor, each of which
has a number of variants: the superiority theory, the incongruity
theory, and the relief theory. 0 The superiority theory, which dates
back to Aristotle, through Thomas Hobbes (1651) and Albert Rapp
(1951), describes all humor as derisive. 0 In other words, people
laugh at the misfortunes of others or themselves. 0 Humor is,
therefore, a form of ridicule that involves the process of judging
or degrading something or someone thought to be inferior for a
variety of reasons such as speech patterns, or clumsiness.
e While the superiority theory can describe some forms of
humor, it cannot account for others. 0 For instance, word play
and puns are not humorous because of misfortune, but because of
inconsistency. Ci) This incongruity as opposed to degradation is
thought by others to be the source of humor. Ee The incongruity
theory maintains that humor originates from disharmony or
inappropriateness. 0 Koestler (1964), for example, argues that
humor involves coexisting incompatible events. 4D In other words,
when two opposite or opposing ideas or events exist at the same
time, humor may emerge. fD This may involve finding something
inappropriate in something that is appropriate, which gives rise to
a cognitive shift. ED Take, for instance, this joke. ED ”Two fish are in
a tank. Ee One turns to the other and asks, ‘Do you know how to
drive this thing?’” 4D The play on the word tank can result in
laughter.
Ee Although the incongruity is widely accepted, this theory
cannot explain instances where neither superiority or incongruity
2: GENERAL -SPECIFiC/SPECIFiC-GENERAL TEXTS
are the bases for humor. CI;) To account for humor that appears
to be a form of release from psychological tension, theorists
developed relief theory. f» According to relief theory, humor
provides relief from anxiety, hostility, aggression, and sexual
tension. fD Humor gratifies repressed feelings that operate on an
unconscious level. (I) Strong proponents of this theory were early
psychologists, such as Freud, Dewey, and Kline.
fD More modern theories of humor are essentially variations of
one of these three traditional ones. fD For instance, Duncan (1985),
in his superiority theory, states that humor is linked to social status.
fD Deckers and Buttram (1990) expand incongruity theory to
include elements of schema theory. fD In their view, distinctions
between and within schemata* are necessary for an understanding
of humor. (I) While each of these theories can explain some aspect
of humor, none can successfully be applied to all instances of
humor.
1. In which sentences are the different theories introduced?
2. What verb tense is used to introduce the theories of the
various researchers? Why do you suppose this is?
3. Underline the sentence connectors in the passage. Why were
they used?
4. What do you think might follow this discussion of humor
theories-a presentation of the author’s own definition of
humor, an analysis of one event using the different theories,
Of something else?
5. Do you think that the whole passage is a GS text, that part of it
is, or that none of it is?
6. Does the passage mention a modern version of relief theory?
7. Do you think that the author of this passage (Chris) has positioned herself as neutral, or do you think she has a preference?
If you think she has a preference, what do you think it is?
Why do you think so?
* Schemata is the plural of schema; it comes from ancient Greek.
91
92 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
We return to the writing of comparative summaries in Unit Five.
TASK TWENTY
Write a general-specific paragraph on your first language or on a
topic from your field of study. Begin with either a definition or a
generalization. Alternatively; write a “different schools of thought”
text of relevance to your field.
f. 31 T wsw· IF
Specific-to-General Organization
We began this unit by exploring GS texts, and in this final section we return
to the notion of general and specific, but in terms of specific to general (SG).
SG patterns are also possible in academic writing and, in fact, are fairly cornman in some fields such as History and Art, as well as some medical genres,
most notably in case reports, and legal genres, in case notes. SG texts begin
with a specific focus and then progressively become more general. The specific focus could be an event, a piece of art, an individual (e.g., a patient in a
case report in Medicine), Of organization (e.g., a company in a Business case
study). The SG pattern, as you can well imagine, looks something like that
shown in Figure 6.
FIGURE 6. Shape of an SG text
Specific/Narrow
statement
~
Elaboration on
the statement
~
Broader context
Concluding generalization
2: GENERAL-SPEClFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS 93
Let’s look at how one student in Mechanical Engineering organized this
SG text as part of an introduction to a paper on using MEMS accelerometers to monitor human falls. The full text can be found in MICUSP.
Specific Statistics
Recommendation
In 2005 a study completed by the Centers
for Disease Control found that 5,800
people 65 and older died from injuries
related to unintentional falls and another
1.8 million received emergency room
care. Of those treated, 433,000 were
hospitalized for long term care [1].
Seniors who live alone may suffer from
an unintentional fall and are often not
found for hours or days. Long waits for
medical care exacerbate their injuries and
increase their risk of death or permanent
hospitalization. However, fast emergency
response to a fall reduces the risk of
hospitalization by 26% and death by
80% [3]. The problem with seniors not
receiving immediate attention needs to
be addressed.
MICUSP File MEC.CO.OB.l
94 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK TWENTY-ONE
Read the text about Figure 7 and discuss the questions on page 96.
Note here that we have numbered independent clauses as sentences
for ease of discussion.
FIGURE 7. La Gamin by F. Preiss (circa 1925)
o The illustration shows a small statue of a young woman with
elegant legs, slender arms and a small head capped by short, curly
hair. Ii) It is 25 cm. high. ~ The flesh is carved from ivory and the
clothes and shoes are cast in bronze; (It the figure stands on a
base made of Brazilian green onyx. 0 The figure is signed “F. (Fritz)
Preiss.” 0 Although the statue is not dated, it was almost certainly
created some time during the 1920s. I;) Some 90 years later, La
Gamin is in excellent condition: The ivory is not stained or cracked;
the bronze retains its original patina; 8 and there remain traces of
brown in the hair and rose-red on the girl’s cheeks. Ii) Several
copies of this statuette are known to exist.
2: GENERAL-SPECIFIC/SPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
4D Johann Philipp Ferdinand (“Fritz”) Preiss was born in Erbach
in Germany in 18824 and, as a boy, was apprenticed as an ivory
carver. G) In 1906, he and Walter Kassler established a workshop
in Berlin, which reopened in 1920, following the First World War.
(9 Preiss died in 1943 and the workshop, records and stock of
the company were destroyed by fire in a bombing raid in 1945.5
ED As a result, our information about Preiss and his work remains
limited.
CD Preiss and the Romanian-born Demetre Chiparus remain today
the two most important and famous of the Art Deco makers of
small bronze and ivory figures. ED These are mostly of young
women, sometimes nude, sometimes as dancers and sometimes in
athletic or sporting poses. tD Original figures by these two men
have become highly collectible and so can command several thousand dollars; ED in consequence, numerous fakes have been produced.
e La Gamin6 beautifully captures the spirit of the 1920s,
particularly in terms of female freedom and emancipation’?
4D Gone were the complex underclothes, long dresses, and long
hair of the pre-WWI era; 4D instead we find slender athletic bodies,
close-cut hair, short skirts and loose, light tops. GIlt was these
new fashions that made energetic dances such as the Charleston
and sports such as golf and tennis possible for young middle-class
women. GI La Gamin today stands confidently before us, with her
hands in her pockets (surely unusual at that time), optimistically
looking out on a brighter future, representing the sophistication
of her time.
4 B. eadey. (1978). Art deeo and other figures. Woodbridge, U.K.: Baron Publishing.
95
5 C. Proudlove. Chiparus and Preiss-doyens among Art Deco sculptors. http://writeantigues.com/
chiparus-and-preiss-doyens-among-art-deco-sculptors.
6 The traditional name for the figure is gamin, which is a slang French term for a young man,
the expected female equivalent being gamine. It is possible that the title tries to capture the
“tomboy” aspect of the sculpture.
7 E. Knowles, Femmes Fatales, www.ericknowles.co.uklFemmes Fatales.hrm.
96 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
1. Briefly describe the topic of each paragraph.
Paragraph 1: ________________ _
Paragraph 2: _________________ _
Paragraph 3: _________________ _
Paragraph 4: ________________ _
2. Which paragraph do you think is the most descriptive and which
most evaluative?
3. Which paragraph do you think is the most interesting and successful, and why?
4. How well does the author “translate” the visual into the verbal at
the beginning?
5. Has the author made a connection between the statue and the
historical/cultural context? Do you think this is the author’s
overall purpose? Or is it mainly to engage in a formal analysis of
the work so as to offer a fresh look at it? Is it to raise a social
issue? Is the goal to discuss how the artist’s life influenced the
art?
6. What do you think of the title of this text? What, if any, changes
might you suggest?
7. What do you think onyx and patina might mean in the first
paragraph?
Often in SG texts the strategy is to give specific examples or details that
provide a foundation for and justifY the investigation of a larger concern.
Notice how this next text from a history journal draws the reader in by starting with a story about a woman, but by the end of the second paragraph
focuses on the broader topic of reconstructing the Communist state in East
Germany after World War II. Before you read the text, discuss whether you
think young people in particular feel the need to be part of organizations
that have strong ideological agendas.
._—————– r
2: GENERAL-SPECIFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
A Duty to Forget? The ‘Hitler Youth Generation’
and the Transition from Nazism to Communism
in Postwar East Germany, c. 1945-49
McDougall, A. (2008).
German History, 26(1), 24-46.
o The short story for the year 1949 in Gunter Grass’s “My Century”
relates an encounter at a conference between the narrator, a West
German man, and a woman he had known in his childhood in Stettin (then part of the Third Reich), who subsequently grew up in
Communist East Germany. 8 In the course of the story, we learn
that the woman, Inge, had once been a zealous functionary in the
National Socialist girls’ organization, the League of German Girls
(BDM), winning “promotion after promotion” and remaining loyal
to the Nazi cause until the bitter end. 8 After “an eighteen-month
grace period” at the end of the Second World War, she then became
an equally active and successful functionary in the East’s Communist-led youth organization, the Free German Youth (FDJ). e Inge,
the West German narrator notes, appeared to be “perfectly at ease”
in explaining her rapid switching of allegiance from one political
system to another.!
o Inge had many real-life equivalents in the Soviet-Occupied
Zone of Germany (SBZ) after the Second World War. Cit Hundreds of
thousands of young East Germans made just such a speedy transition from the brown shirt to the blue, from one mass youth organization-the two branches of the Nazi youth movement, the Hitler
Youth (HJ) and the BDM-to another, the FDJ, in the mid- to late
1940s. 0 Members of this “Hitler Youth generation”2 played the
decisive role in reconstructing the Communist state that ultimately
emerged in East Germany from the ashes of the Third Reich.
1 Grass, GUnter, (1999), My century, Houghton Mifflin: New York, pp. 123-127.
97
2 The term Hitler Youth generation refers to the generation of Germans born between 1919
and 1931, the oldest of whom could have joined the HJ in 1933 (the year in which the Nazi
Party came to power) and the youngest of whom would have joined the H] in early 1945.
This paper focuses primarily on the younger part of the HJ generation (those born between
circa 1925 and 1931), whose ranks contain the vast majority of young East Germans who
experienced both the HJ and the FDJ. The generic term Hitler Youth generation will be used
here to refer to former members of both the HJ and the BDM (i.e., both gendered branches
of the Nazi youth movement).
98 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Do you think the transition from the specific instance to the broader issue is
successful? Historians may also describe a specific historical incident, what
led up to it, and what the consequences were. This then is followed by some
evaluation of the incident’s historical significance.
– IH LbJiC
TASK TWENTY-TWO
Here are the first and third paragraphs of a historical text. Read
them carefully so that you are able to write the second paragraph.
The Meeting at Plombieres
Paragraph One
On July 19, 1858, Cavour, the Prime Minister of the small northern
Italian kingdom of Piedmont, left his holiday place in Switzerland
and traveled to the small spa town of Plombieres in northeastern
France, arriving there at nightfall on the following day. On July 21,
Cavour had a secret three-hour meeting with Emperor Napoleon III
of France. During the meeting, the Italian statesman and the French
emperor devised a plan for forcing the Austrians out of northern
Italy.
Paragraph Two
Paragraph Three
Although Cavour did not live to see the unification of Italy-he died
at the early age of 51-he remains, along with Garibaldi and Mazzini,
one of the three key figures in the struggle for Italian independence.
Not surprisingly then, most Italian towns and cities have one of
their principal streets or main squares named after Count Cavour
of Piedmont.
‘Tn
,….–
2: GENERAL-SPEClFICjSPECIFIC-GENERAL TEXTS
–
Now, write the second paragraph, making use of academic resources
you find on the internet (remember, if you use or quote directly
from source material, you will need to indicate this, making sure to
use quotation marks around borrowed words), Here are some questions tbat might guide you.
1. What (briefly) had Cavour achieved as prime minister up to
1858?
2. Who was Victor Emmanuel?
3. What did Napoleon III want in exchange for helping the
Piedmontese expel the Austrians?
,WiJ
TASK TWENTY-THREE
In every field of study, research that once seemed promising is
abandoned. Concepts, models, chemicals, drugs, teaching methods,
stylistic or design trends, and treatments are left behind for newer
directions that offer more promise Of are more in line with current
needs. For instance, the causes of diseases such as cholera and the
plague were once attributed to miasma or “bad air” and described
in terms of miasma theory. In Astronomy, the steady-state theory
of the expansion of the universe has been replaced by the big bang
theory. In the field of nutrition, it was once thought that all fats
were harmful, but now researchers know that some fats are better
than others and have protective effects. Choose a concept, approach,
design, stylistic trend, or line of research that was once widely
accepted but has fallen out of favor. Explain the area and the reason
it has been abandoned. Use some references, if you need them, but
be sure to use your own words throughout your discussion. Organize in terms of GS or SG.
99
Unit Three
Problem, Process,
and Solution
In Unit Two we mainly explored one common kind of underlying structure
to academic writing, that of general-specific movement. This structure will
ptove useful in later units when producing data commentaries (Unit Four)
or writing introductions to research papers (Unit Eight). In this unit, we
explore and practice a second underlying structure in academic writing, that
of problem-to-solution (PS) movement, which we introduced briefly in Unit
One and touched on in Unit Two. This structure will again prove useful
later when writing critiques (Unit Six) and Introductions (Unit Eight). So,
clearly this structure is one of the more important ones in academic writing,
especially if you consider how much academic research activity is aimed at
solving problems, which may be discussed in published research articles, various kinds of research proposals, and case reports in certain fields, to name a
few examples. Beyond looking at the overall organization, we have built into
the problem-solution structure some discussion of process descriptions. In
many cases, it makes sense to see describing the parts of a process as the steps
required to provide a solution to some problem. Alternatively, a problem
may be described in terms of a process-for example, how malware infects a
mobile phone or how a tsunami (tidal wave) forms.
As we have seen, general-specific passages tend to be descriptive and
expository. In contrast, problem-solution texts tend to be more argumentative and evaluative. In the former, students and junior scholars will most
likely position themselves as being informed and organized and in the latter
as questioning, perceptive, and convincing. We say this because you may
need to convince your reader that your problem is indeed a problem and/or
that your solution is reasonable.
100
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 101
The Structure of Problem-Solutiou Texts
We begin this unit with a passage on a topic that is likely of interest to you
and others who want or perhaps need to publish. Although it is written from
the perspective of research in Biomedicine, we think it raises some points
that are relevant for all junior scholars.
TASK ONE
This passage discusses the need for junior scholars or novices to
receive training in scientific writing. Before you read, discuss the
first question with a partner.
1. How important is it for you to publish in journals in your field?
Why? What are some challenges that novices may face?
Scientific Writing of Novice Researchers:
What Difficulties and Encouragements Do They Encounter?
Shah, J., BA, MS; Shah, A., MD, MPH;
Pietrobon, R., MD, PhD, MBA. (2009).
Academic Medicine, 84, 511-516.
o Clear communication of research findings is essential to sustain
the ever-evolving biomedical research field. 8 Serving as the mainstay for this purpose, scientific writing involves the consideration
of numerous factors, while building up an argument that would
convince readers and possibly enable them to arrive at a decision.
o Those who report research must attend to the soundness of the
subject matter, to the nature of the intended audience, and to
questions of clarity, style, structure, precision, and accuracy.
e These factors, along with the weight of responsibility to the
scientific community, make scientific writing a daunting task.
o Consequently, many researchers shy away from this critical
element of research, which may impede the progress of science
and their own scientific careers.
102 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
o The ability to accurately and effectively communicate ideas,
procedures, and findings according to readers’ expectations is the
primary skill required for scientific writing. e Additionally, skills
such as the ability to relate and interlink evidence, to lend permanence to thoughts and speech, to enable one’s writing to serve as a
future reference to others, and to protect intellectual property
rights 1 need to be developed and tempered* over a period of time.
(3 These skills are necessary for all researchers, but especially for
novice researchers in the beginnings of their careers so that they
do not face failure and lose valuable time learning these skills later.
o Individuals entering the research field with no or little experience with past publications qualify as novice researchers. ~ Even
clinicians intending to explore and publish findings about research
questions based on their clinical practice need to learn these skills
to effectively contribute to health care.
o Instruction in scientific wr’lting and subsequent publication in
peer-reviewed journals will help novice researchers refine their
ideas and increase their expertise, because the act of writing is
itself a valuable tool for learning and for fostering the scientific
thought process2-this aligns with the principles of the writing to
learn movement. 3.4 0 Effective writing skills help new scientists
take part in the ongoing, ever-evolving scientific conversation. s
G) The practice of scientific writing develops habits of reflection2
that make for better researchers, and publication in respected journals strengthens the scientific process, while playing a crucial role
in career advancement.
*made stronger through experience.
r3: PROBLEM, PROCE 55, AND SOLUTION 103
2.
3.
4.
The passage i ncludes the four parts of the standard problemsolution text, as shown in Table 2. Which sentences belong to
each part? Wh at is the general point being discussed in each part?
TABLE 2. Parts of a Problem·Solution Text
Situation
Problem
Solution
Evaluation
bac kground information on a particular set of circumstances
reas ~ns for challenging the accuracy of the figures; criticisms
r weaknesses surrounding the current situation; possible
nterevidence
of 0
cou
disc ussion of a way or ways to alleviate the problem
asse ssment of the merits of the proposed solution(s)
Note that som etimes an incomplete solution is offered; an
lution may introdnce a new problem, which then
dressed. This type of text may look different (see
incomplete so
needs to be ad
Table 3).
TABLE 3. Varia tion of a Problem·Solution Text
Situation
Problem
Partial
solution
Evaluation
New
solution
Evaluation
back ground information on a particular set of circumstances
reas
wea
ons for challenging the accuracy of the figures; criticisms of or
knesses surrounding the current situation; possible counterevidence
disc ussion of a way or ways to alleviate the problem
asse ssment of the merits and limitations of the proposed solutionis)
disc ussion of a new way or ways to alleviate the problem
asse ssment of the merits of the proposed solution(s)
Do you agree or disagree with the opening sentence? Why or
why not? Wha t would be the reaction if the statement were
ther than biomedicine? Why do you suppose the
this as their starting point?
about a field 0
authors chose
What is your r eaction to the point made in Sentence 7?
104 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
•
5. Put a check mark (,,) next to the aspects of the text that contribute to the authors’ attempts to convince you. How convinced
are you that novices should receive instruction in scientific writing?
a. the problem-solution organization
b. the How of ideas
c. references to other published papers (indicated by the
superscripted numbers at the ends of some of the sentences)
d. claims that are stated cautiously (see Unit Four)
e. the explanation of the causes of the writing challenges
6. Where do you think the authors are more convincing? Is it in
stating the problem or in suggesting the solution? Why?
7. Put a check mark (,,) next to the items that you think could
strengthen the text and would lend support to the argument.
a. a quote from a study that shows the progress of science
is slowed because researchers do not write up their work
h. some statistics indicating that writing instruction is
beneficial
c. some data on the relationship between writing (publishing) and career advancement
d. an explanation of the writing to learn movement
mentioned in Sentence 11
8. Do you have any experience of your own to contribute to the
discussion? Have you been involved in a publication? Would you
agree or disagree with the authors’ point that scientific writing
involves the creation of an argument?
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 105
~ Language Focus: Mid-Position Adverbs
In the section on style in Unit One (beginning on page 14), we noted that
adverbs tend to occur within Of near the verb in formal academic writing. In
this Language Focus, we develop the point further. First, look at this occurrence from the text in Task One (Sentence 2).
· .. scientific writing involves the consideration of numerous
factors, while building up an argument that would convince
readers and po
example, have shown this to be the case for earth scientists in
Spain. ED Clearly, further research is necessary to fully understand
the dominance of English in academia.
we
108 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
1. Which sentences indicate the beginnings of the four parts of a
problem-solution text: situation, problem, solution, evaluation?
2. If you were to divide this paragraph into two, where would you
divide it? Would you opt for two paragraphs or three? Why?
3. Can you produce a version of an opening sentence from your
own discipline using the following phrase?
The problem of … was suggested as residing in ….
4. Underline all the time expressions in the passage. What conclusions can you draw?
5. What is your opinion regarding the dominance of English in
publication? What kinds of studies would, in your opinion,
actually resolve the debate?
6. Do you have information to share about the language policies
of journals in another country?
n mE.S f l ± F L
Procedures aud Processes
The text on the role of English is a typical research question example of a
problem-solution text. In essence, it uses the problem-solution structure to
review the current state of knowledge. This review approach allows the
author to raise a question about the current state of knowledge and to offer
a possible or partial answer. However, some “classic” problem-solution texts
are more technical in nature and may describe procedures and processes. We
see this in the passage in Task Four.
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
fl!lljjW)J J 1iiJjJii lZ J
TASK FOUR
Read the passage and answer the questions on pages 11 0-111. The
passage is a problem-solution text about an area in Chile that has a
desert climate-the Atacama Desert.
Clouds and Fog as a Source of Water in Chile
o Many of Chile’s poor, northern coastal villages have suffered for
years from water shortages, despite the abundance of cloud cover
and fog in the region. 8 When the cold air from the Pacific Ocean’s
Humboldt Current mixes with the warm coastal air, a thick, wet
fog, called camanchaca by the Andes Indians, forms along with
clouds (Darak, 2008) .• However, rather than developing into rain,
the fog and clouds quickly evaporate in the hot sun. 0 This lack
of rainfall has imposed severe hardships on communities. 0 They
cannot grow crops and must carefully ration their water, which is
often delivered by truck.
109
o To address this problem scientists in the 1990s implemented
an interesting solution on EI Tofo mountain near the village of
Chungungo. Ii) Using conventional technology, they redevised a
centuries·old method to capture the water droplets of the fog in a
process referred to as fog harvesting (Schemenauer and Cereceda,
1991).0 In this method, triangular·weave polypropylene nets are
attached to support posts to serve as water collectors. ‘” Each of
these nets is designed to collect approximately 40 gallons of water
each day. ~ When the fog develops, droplets of water are trapped
in the nets and join to form larger drops that then fall into a
trough. CD From the troughs the water drains through filters into
a series of underground tanks. CDThe water is then piped to a
25,000·galion storage tank, where it is chemically treated to kill
disease-causing organisms. G Finally, the water flows to individual
households, just as in traditional water systems. 4!)This collection
system can supply as much as 2,500 gallons per day, enough for
a small community to drink, wash, and water small gardens. eThe
water is not only clean, but far less expensive than water delivered
to the area. e Moreover, it is collected at no apparent cost to the
environment.
110 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
ED Despite the initial success of fog harvesting in Chungungo,
the system is, unfortunately, no longer in use (de la Lastra, 2002).
ED The availability of water led to a tripling of the population from
300 to 900, putting pressure on the water supply (lDRC, 2003).
ED Because the community lacked a clear commitment to the project
(see Diehl, 2010, for a full explanation), they did not add new nets
to increase the water supply, and instead petitioned for water to
be piped in from 20 km away. Gl Although the village abandoned
this viable alternative technology, the Chungungo experience has
led to successful implementation of fog harvesting initiatives in
other mountainous coastal areas of Chile, Ecuador, Mexico, and
Peru, providing much needed fresh water to small communities.
1. This passage has three paragraphs rather than four. Why?
2. This passage contains a process description in Paragraph 2.
Make a sketch or time/ine of the process.
3. What is the predominant verb tense used in Sentences 7 through
16? Why is this?
4. Underline the instances of passive voice in Paragraph 2. Why
was passive used?
5. Underline the adverbs in Paragraph 2. How many of them
are mid-position adverbs?
6. IdentifY the phrases consisting of this + noun in the text.
How many are this + summary? Does the placement of
this + summary noun tell us anything?
7. How is the solution introduced?
8. In the end, what is the overall evaluation of the system? What
evaluative language can you find in the final paragraph?
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
9. As you may have noticed, the passage is a bit short on details.
Put a check mark (,f) next to the details you think would help
the writer create a text that displays expertise and familiarity
with the topic. Some details are better candidates than others.
Where in the passage would you place the details?
a. the dimensions of the nets
__ b. the brand name of the netting
__ c. where the netting can be purchased
__ d. the method of connecting the mesh to the posts
e. the time of day the fog comes in
__ f. the size of the fog water droplets
__ g. a description of the post material
__ h. the trough material
i. the storage tank materials and dimensions
__ j. the duration of the fog season
__ k. the rime needed to construct the system
111
10. This passage could be extended to provide information on
maintenance of the fog collection system. This would include a
discussion of the importance of regular inspection, cleaning, and
repair of the nets, troughs, and tanks. Where would you place
this information?
11. Where might you add the following information about cost?
The cost of operating and maintaining the system, which
averages nearly $12,000 annually, is quite low compared
to other means of providing water.
12. What is your reaction to the discussion of the eventual failure of
the water collection system in Chile?
1 Z QUEm – We were in fact able to locate a published journal article written by two
of the researchers who promoted the fog harvesting system. The full article
was published in a journal called Ambia, a multidisciplinary journal focusing on topics ranging from Ecology and Hydrology to Environmental
Economics and Meteorology. Task Five provides the section that describes
fog harvesting.
112 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK FIVE
Read the text and discuss the questions on page 113 with a partner.
Fog-Water Collection in Arid Coastal Locations
Scheme nauer, R. S., and Cereceda, P. (1991).
Ambia, 20(7), 303-308.
FOG HARVESTING
Fog is composed of liquid droplets.
Fog, in the simplest terms, is a
cloud which is touching the ground
and the type of fog is determined
by the physical process which has
created the fog. When a cloud with
a base some distance above the
sea or the land moves over a
mountain, the mountain is covered
by fog. Fogs produced by the
advection of clouds over higher
terrain tend to have higher liquid
contents (8) than do fogs produced
at the land or sea surface (9) and it
is these high elevation fogs that
are of primary interest for the production of water in arid lands.
The collection of fog droplets
depends on the diameter of the
droplets, the wind speed and
nature of the collection surface.
Fog droplets have diameters
which are typically from 1 to 3~m
in diameter. The mean volume
diameters at the high elevation
(780 m) site in Chile are in the 8
to 12~m range and droplet concentrations are typically 1 00 to
400 per cm’. Fog droplets are collected by a simple impaction
process. An object (collector) is
placed in the path of the droplets
and as the droplets approach the
surface, some flow around the
object and some strike the surface. Enormous numbers of fog
droplets must be collected since it
requires about 10 million to a
drop the size of a match head.
The efficiency of the large
polypropylene meshes used in
Chile has been both measured in
the field and modeled (l 0). The
meshes are woven from a flat
polypropylene fibre 1 mm wide
and 0.1 mm thick into a mesh
with triangular openings approximately 1 cm on a side. A double
layer of mesh is used in Chile.
The collection efficiency at the
center of a 12 m by 4 m collector
was found to increase with wind
speed up to 3.5 m S~l (the
upstream wind speed) and then
remained constant at about 65%.
But the collector as a whole has a
lower efficiency of closer to 20%
due to lowered efficiencies away
from the center of the mesh and
due to water losses in the system.
The array of fog water collectors
is completely passive. Water drips
from the bottom of the meshes
into plastic troughs and then a
gravity flow system delivers the
water through a network of pipes
to the point of use.
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
1. How would you describe rbe information given in the first two
sentences? Would you say it is common knowledge, knowledge
familiar to most journal readers, or expert knowledge? What
does rbe inclusion of rbis information perhaps reveal about the
authors’ assumptions regarding potential readers?
2. What similarities andlor differences in terms of content do you
see between rbe text in Task Four and this text? Why do you
suppose these differences exist?
3. At the end of rbe excerpt from rbe article, rbe authors describe
how the water reaches the users. What verb tense did rbey use?
How does rbis compare to rbe process description in Task Four?
4. Think about rbe word fog. Is rbis word typically count or noncount? The excerpt uses a plural form.
Fogs produced by the advection of clouds over higher terrain
tend to have higher liquid contents (8) than do fogs produced
at the land or sea surface (9) and it is these high elevation
fogs that are of primary interest for the production of water
in arid lands.
What do you think about rbe use of fogs? Why did the aurbors
use it?
113
5. One way to expand your academic vocabulary is to identify
expressions rbat you rbink would contribute to your own writing. These are usually chunks oflanguage (2 to 4 words) rbat do
not convey original content but are like skeletons upon which
you can build a point or an idea. One such expression in rbe first
paragraph is ” __ produced by __ tend to __ .” Using rbis
stretch of language as a starting point, students from various
fields could write rbese sentences.
Layering produced by deformation tends to have sharply
defined dark and light layers.
The vinegar produced by this method tends to be of inferior
quality due to uncontrolled conditions.
The introduction of technologies produced by research tends
to be a minor source of innovation in industry.
Can you find any phrases in rbe excerpt rbat you might be able
to use in your own writing?
114 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
The fog harvesting texts discuss some causes and effects, the topic of the
next Language Focus (pages 115-116). Before exploring cause and effect in
more detail, we turn your attention to Task Six.
m t, £ B ; y
TASK SIX
Work with a partner and underline the language that establishes a
cause-and-effect connection.
ED Despite the success of fog harvesting in Chungungo, the system
is, unfortunately, no longer in use (de la Lastra, 2002). ED The availability of water led to a tripling of the population from 300 to 900,
putting pressure on the water supply (lDRC, 2003). ED Because the
community lacked a clear commitment to the project (see Diehl,
2010, for a full explanation), they did not add new nets to increase
the water supply, and instead petitioned for water to be piped in
from 20 km away. ED Although the village abandoned this viable
alternative technology, the Chungungo experience has led to
successful implementation of fog harvesting initiatives in other
mountainous coastal areas of Chile, Ecuador, Mexico, and Peru,
providing much needed fresh water to small communities.
,’Ii – You likely noticed because and the verb phrase led to as a means to show a
cause and effect, but perhaps less familiar to you are -ingvetbs that can also
be used to establish a causal connection.
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 11 S
~ Language Focus: -ing Clauses to Indicate Cause and Effect
In order to help your reader understand a problem andlor a solution, you
may need to use expressions to highlight causes and effects. For example, the
well-known relationship between supply and demand in the field of Economics can be conveyed as a cause-and-effect statement. Such statements
can take many forms. Here are a few.
An increase in demand causes a rise in prices.
The tsunami was triggered by a very powerful earthquake.
Researchers worldwide are increasingly pressured to publish
in English language journals, thus leading to a decline in
publications written in languages other than English.
The last sentence contains a thus + -ing clause of result. Such clauses of
result can be particularly useful as alternatives to traditional logical connectors like therefore and as a result. Compare the sentences in each set.
a. The magma flows into the pores of the rocks; as a result,
the rocks rupture.
The magma flows into the pores of the rocks, thus causing
them to rupture.
b. A current is sent through the material. As a result, the
electrons are polarized.
A current is sent through the material, thus polarizing the
electrons.
Note that thus is optional in -ing clauses of result and that sometimes writers also use a preliminary subordinate clause to set the scene for the process.
c. When the ABS controller senses that a wheel is about to
lock up, it automatically changes the pressure in the brake
lines of the car. As a result, maximum brake performance is
achieved.
When the ABS controller senses that a wheel is about to
lock up, it automatically changes the pressure in the car’s
brake lines to prevent the lockup, (thus) reSUlting in
maximum brake performance.
116 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Optional subordinate clause
Main clause
(optional thus/thereby) -ing
When the ABS controller
senses that a wheel is about
to lock up,
it automatically changes the
pressure in the brake lines of
the car to prevent the lockup,
(thus) resulting in maximum
brake performance.
This structure is particularly useful in problem-solution texts because it can
be used to express the next step in tbe process, a resulting problem, or a
resulting solution. Here is a simple example.
Process: Prices rise, thus leading to a drop in demand.
Problem: Prices rise, thus increasing the chance of
hyperinflation.
Solution: Prices rise, thus increasing earnings that can then
be reinvested in the enterprise.
WW? %3 Y.
TASK SEVEN
Read the sentences containing -ing clauses of result. Would you
expect to find these sentences in the problem, solution, or evaluation part of a text? Discuss your decisions with a partner.
1. The laser light forms an EM field, thereby slowing the vibration
of the atoms. ___________________ _
2. When manufacturing output drops, demand for business loans
falls, leaving banks with a strong lending capacity.
3. Contact among humans, livestock, and wildlife may increase,
thus creating opportunities for the emergence of new livestock
diseases.
r
i
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
4. Users have access to information, thus supporting smarter
purchasing decisions that affect a company’s bottom line.
5. The propellant evaporates, leaving behind only the desired
product.
Re-write each sentence without the -ing clause and instead use a
traditional linking word or phrase to indicate a causal relationship.
See Table 1 on page 37 if you need some ideas.
?
TASK EIGHT
Combine the ideas presented in each of the statements by using an
-ing clause of result. Work with a partner.
117
1. Technical improvements in resource efficiency can lower demand
for resources. This results in lower prices.
2. Avatars can use graphics capabilities to build new artifacts individually or collaboratively in real time. This leads to the creation
of an effect referred to as “immediacy of artifacts.”
3. The payment processing division of the bank announced that its
systems had been breached by unknown intruders. Because of
this breach, the personal information belonging to about 1.5
million cardholders was compromised.
4. The plants extract nickel and zinc; hence, the soil is left uncontaminated.
5. Rainfall levels plummeted. A slow, but steady, loss of grasses
occurred. As a result, the region was transformed into a desert.
6. Countries sign treaties on the use of “free resources” such as air
and ocean fish. Serious ownership questions arise; therefore, it is
difficult to enforce any agreement.
L ! Jll
1–
118 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK NINE
Read the passage, which has been divided into three parts. Choose
the item that best completes each part. Each of the choices is grammatically correct; however, not all will work equally well. Before
making your choices, consider the flow of the entire passage, not
just the individual items.
1. Since the onset of air travel in the early 1900s, aircraft collisions
with birds aod other wildlife have been ao ongoing threat to
humao safety. These collisions, known as wildlife strikes, occur
on average nearly 20 times per day and have damaged or
destroyed more thao 400 aircraft
a. ; as a result, the average cost is $117,787 per incident
b. ,resulring in ao average cost of $117,787 per incident
c. . These collisions have resulted in an average cost of
$117,787 per incident
2. Over the last 40 years the number of wildlife strikes has been
increasing. Two years ago, 7,600 strikes were reported. Last year
that number rose to 8,000. Over the last decade there has been
a threefold increase. Several factors have contributed to this
growing threat. First, most airlines are replacing older three- or
four-engined aircraft with quieter, more efficient aircraft with
two engines
a. ; thus, aircraft have less engine redundancy aod a greater
likelihood of engine failure in a collision with wildlife
b. ,resulting in less engine redundaocy aod a greater likelihood
of engine failure in a collision with wildlife
c. ,which has resulted in less engine redundancy aod a greater
likelihood of engine failure in a collision with wildlife
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
3. Second, wildlife management programs have contributed to
growth in the populations of many species of wildlife that are
often involved in strikes. For example, the once-endangered
Canada goose population has grown by more than 10%
each year for the last 30 years. Canada geese and other birds,
such as gulls, have expanded into urban and suburban areas,
including airports. Third, the number of commercial and noncommercial flights has more than doubled over the last two
decades ________________________________________ __
119
a. ; therefore, the parallel increases in wildlife populations and
air traffic contribute to a higher probability of a wildlife strike
b. . This concurrent increase in wildlife populations and air
traffic contributes to a higher probability of a wildlife strike
c. , contributing to a higher probability of a wildlife strike
~ ~ Language Focus: Passive Voice
In most technical solutions, it is necessary to describe a process Of a method.
In the passages in Tasks Four and Five, the explanation of how the water is
collected provides this necessary information. In addition, when you are
describing the method you used to carry out some research, you will essentially be writing a process description. We have looked at adverbs in process
descriptions; it is now time to turn to verbs.
The passive voice often plays an important role in process descriptions.
We can see why in this example. Look at these brief notes about how
influenza vaccines afe produced.
Three sample The virus strains most likely to cause disease
virus strains are identified and three are selected for vaccine development.
120
Selected
virus strains
Inactivated
virus strains
ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Manufacturers inject the virus samples of
each selected strain into separate batches of
fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of virus.
Each virus strain is grown separately inside
the eggs over the course of several days,
after which it is harvested, inactivated, and
purified.
The three virus strains are then combined to
create the vaccine, blended with a carrier
fluid and dispensed into vials.
These steps are descriptive and not intended as a set of instructions. If the
goal is to offer instructions, imperative forms are used to indicate the necessary steps, as shown in this example of how to inoculate eggs with the
influenza virus.
Inoculation of eggs in flu vaccine development
1. Place eggs into egg trays with the blunt end up, and label
eggs with a specific identification number. Allocate 3 eggs
for each specimen.
2. Wipe the blunt end of each egg with 70% ethanol and
punch a small hole in the shell over the air sac.
3. Aspirate 0.6 ml of processed specimen into a tuberculin
syringe with a 22 gauge, 1 1/2-inch needle.
4. Hold the egg up to the candler and locate the embryo.
Insert the needle into the hole in the shell and, using a
short stabbing motion, pierce the amniotic membrane and
inoculate 1 00 ~I of the specimen into the amniotic cavity.
Withdraw the needle by about 1/2 inch (1.25 cm) and
inoculate 1 00 ~I of the specimen into the allantoic cavity.
Remove the needle.
However, if we are interested not in providing guidance for actually perfonning a particular task, but in explaining how something is done-as in a
process-we would be more likely to write this.
First, the virus strains most likely to cause disease are identified and three are selected for vaccine development. The virus
samples of each selected strain are injected into separate
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
batches of fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of virus. Each
virus strain is grown separately inside the eggs over the
course of several days, after which it is harvested, inactivated,
and purified. The purified virus strains are then combined to
create the vaccine, blended with a carrier fluid and dispensed
into vials.
Source for flu vaccine content: World Health Organization, 2011, Manual for the Laboratory Diagnosis and Virological Surveillance of Influenza. Geneva.
121
Notice that each sentence now refers to a particular stage in the process: the
identification stage, the preparation stage, and the dispensing stage.
What would be the effect if the process were described using the active
voice? As you can see from the following passage, the focus on the stages is
lost and the emphasis shifts to the agent (the person doing the steps-the
researchers or technicians). If the person performing the activity is part of
the sentences and becomes the link of familiar or old information, the
process itself is backgrounded (less in focus).
First, researchers identify the virus strains most likely to cause
disease and select three for vaccine development. Technicians
inject virus samples of each selected strain into separate
batches of fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of virus.
Technicians grow each virus strain separately inside the eggs
over the course of several days, after which they harvest,
inactivate, and purify it. The technicians then combine the
purified virus strains to create the vaccine, blend it with a
carrier fluid and dispense it into vials.
Of course, there may be some occasions when different agents are an important part of different steps in the process.
Technician I injects virus samples of each selected strain into
separate batches of fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of
virus. Technician 2 grows each virus strain separately inside
the eggs over the course of several days, after which the
technician harvests, inactivates, and purifies it. Technician 3
then combines the purified virus strains to create the vaccine,
blends it with a carrier fluid, and dispenses it into vials.
—”
122 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
However, this now looks more like a job specification or duty roster than a
process description. If information about the agent is important-which is
uncommon-it would be better to describe the process in the following way.
The virus samples of each selected strain are injected by
Technician 1 into separate batches of fertilized eggs to amplify
the amount of virus. Each virus strain is grown separately
inside the eggs over the course of several days, after which
it is harvested, inactivated, and purified by Technician 2. The
purified virus strains are then combined by Technician 3 to
create the vaccine, which is then blended with a carrier fluid
and dispensed into vials.
According to research studies, using by + a human agent is rather uncommon in formal academic writing, except when describing the history of the
field, as in these examples.
The theory of transformational grammar was first developed
by Noam Chomsky.
The Bayesian method has been used by statisticians for many
years to aid decision making on the basis of limited information.
In fact, we are more likely to find by + process or by + a non-human agent.
The impact velocity can be obtained by calculating the difference of the arrival times of the two waves.
This enzyme is used by the cancer cells to replicate.
The increased mobility provided by this new joint allows
wearers of the finger prosthesis to hold a cup, to pick up a
piece of paper, and in some cases to write again.
Do the three by phrases in this next short passage introduce a process or a
non-human agent?
The rate at which heat will be lost by conduction from the
body will be determined by the magnitude of the temperature
gradient-the steeper the gradient, the greater the heat lossand the rapidity with which the cooler air in contact with the
skin is replaced by colder air.
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 123
The by + process statements provide no details. Such by phrases are typical in
published journal articles, especially in the Methods section (see Unit Seven)
of articles in the sciences. However, sometimes further information is useful.
For instance, when you are writing a paper for a class, it might be to your
advantage to make the by phrases more informative.
The passive voice allows you to keep the focus on the something other
than the agent and also allows you to maintain a good flow of ideas. Thus, it
is reasonable to use passive constructions in sections other than a process
description.
TASK TEN
Expand these statements, making them more informative by
replacing the noun phrase with one or more verb phrases. Here
is an example.
Teaching can be improved by in·service training. -7
Teaching can be improved by asking teachers to attend a
range of short courses throughout much of their careers.
1. Bacteria found in meat can be killed by radiation.
2. Possible harmful effects of drugs can be reduced by testing.
3. Information on political preferences can be obtained by polling.
4. Cultures are partly preserved by ceremony and ritual.
5. Changes in land use can be detected by remote sensing.
6. The spread of infectious diseases can be controlled by
vaccination programs.
.. ;W;, ‘”
122 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
However, this now looks more like a job specification or duty roster than a
process description. If information about the agent is important-which is
uncommon-it would be better to describe the process in the following way.
The virus samples of each selected strain are injected by
Technician 1 into separate batches of fertilized eggs to amplify
the amount of virus. Each virus strain is grown separately
inside the eggs over the course of several days, after which
it is harvested, inactivated, and purified by Technician 2. The
purified virus strains are then combined by Technician 3 to
create the vaccine, which is then blended with a carrier fluid
and dispensed into vials.
According to research studies, using by + a human agent is rather uncommon in formal academic writing, except when describing the history of the
field, as in these examples.
The theory of transformational grammar was first developed
by Noam Chomsky.
The Bayesian method has been used by statisticians for many
years to aid decision making on the basis of limited information.
In fact, we are more likely to find by + process or by + a non-human agent.
The impact velocity can be obtained by calculating the difference of the arrival times of the two waves.
This enzyme is used by the cancer cells to replicate.
The increased mobility provided bV this new joint allows
wearers of the finger prosthesis to hold a cup, to pick up a
piece of paper, and in some cases to write again.
Do the three by phrases in this next short passage introduce a process or a
non-human agent?
The rate at which heat will be lost by conduction from the
body will be determined by the magnitude of the temperature
gradient-the steeper the gradient, the greater the heat lossand the rapidity with which the cooler air in contact with the
skin is replaced by colder air.
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 123
The by + process statements provide no details. Such by phrases are typical in
published journal articles, especially in the Methods section (see Unit Seven)
of articles in the sciences. However, sometimes further information is useful.
For instance, when you are writing a paper for a class, it might be to your
advantage to make the by phrases more informative.
The passive voice allows you to keep the focus on the something other
than the agent and also allows you to maintain a good flow of ideas. Thus, it
is reasonable to use passive constructions in sections other than a process
description.
xu i! A mRm
TASK TEN
Mill
Expand these statements, making them more informative by
replacing the noun phrase with one or more verb phrases. Here
is an example.
Teaching can be improved by in-service training. -7
Teaching can be improved by asking teachers to attend a
range of short courses throughout much of their careers.
1. Bacteria found in meat can be killed by radiation.
2. Possible harmful effects of drugs can be reduced by testing.
3. Information on political preferences can be obtained by polling.
4. Cultures are partly preserved by ceremony and ritual.
S. Changes in land use can be detected by remote sensing.
6. The spread of infectious diseases can be controlled by
vaccination programs.
L
124 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK ELEVEN
Read this text that discusses energy harvesting as a means to achieve
a clean power generation process that has a long lifetime. Underline
the instances of the passive voice. Then discnss with a partner
whether you think passive was the right choice. Notice there are
three instances of unattended this in the passage. Would you add a
noun phrase to any of them? Why or why not?
A Piezoelectric Frequency·lncreased Power Generator for
Scavenging Low·Frequency Ambient Vibration
Galchev, T., Aktakka, E.E., Kim, H., and Najafi, K. (2010).
IEEE 23rd International Conference on Micro Electro
Mechanical Systems, 1203-1206.
o Rapid advances in silicon-based wireless microsystems technology over the past few decades has [sic] led to devices with
unprecedented performance and utility with low power consumption. 8 These technological advancements have led to the recent
pervasiveness of wireless technology. 0 However, for these systems to truly become ubiquitous, the issue of power has to be
addressed. e Batteries power most of these devices. 0 However,
they typically cannot last the entire lifetime of the device, and periodic replacement or recharging is needed. 0 This is preventing different applications of wireless devices from being feasible.
e Energy scavenging from ambient sources can enable many
new uses for wireless microsystems. 0While several ambient
energy sources have been explored, kinetic energy is one of the
most prevalent [1, 2].41) However, the vast majority of the reported
devices are designed to operate at mechanical resonance and at
high frequencies (>30 Hz), limiting them to scavenging vibrations
from periodic sources such as motors and other man made
machinery. @i) This leaves out a number of applications that are
prime candidates for energy scavenging such as wearable or
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
implantable devices, environmental monitoring applications,
wireless devices for agriculture, and various security and military
uses, CD This is because the kinetic energy in these applications is
not periodic and occurs less often.
Flow of Ideas in a Process Description
12S
Unit One introduced the concept of flow, focusing mainly on old-to-new
information flow, sentence connectors, and summary words. A good flow of
ideas can also be achieved by combining or linking verb phrases. In the
clouds and fog passage in Task Four (pages 109-110), there were no occasions where two Of more passives were linked in the same sentence. Often,
however, this may be desirable, as in our example of the flu vaccine.
Each virus strain is grown separately inside the eggs over
the course of several days, after which it is harvested,
inactivated, and purified.
Some care needs to be taken when linking verbs in this way because this
can sometimes lead to an unfortunate ambiguity. How are these sentences
ambiguous, and what can you do about it?
1. The liquid is collected and kept for 24 hours.
2. The sample is collected and stored in a sterile container.
3. In consumer research, individuals are selected and inter·
viewed by telephone.
126 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK TWELVE
Consider these two versions of a passage discussing treatment for
water birds after an oil spill. Underline tbe parts in Text B tbat differ from Text A, including the linked passives. Why does B have
better “flow” than A? Consider old-ta-new information flow as well
as otber devices to establish a good flow of ideas that were discussed
in Unit One.
A. 0 Once a bird has been brought to a rehabilitation center, basic
procedures are followed. f) The bird is sedated, if necessary.
OThe bird is examined to detect broken bones, cuts, or other
injuries. (,) Oil is flushed from its eyes and intestines. 0 Heavily
oiled birds are then wiped with absorbent cloths to remove
patches of oil. Cit Stomach·coating medicines may be adminis·
tered orally to prevent additional absorption of oil inside the
bird’s stomach. 0 The bird is warmed. 0 It is placed in a quiet
area. CD Curtains are hung around the area to limit the bird’s
contact with people.
B. 0 Once a bird has been brought to a rehabilitation center, basic
procedures are followed. f) First, the bird is sedated. if neces·
sary, and examined to detect broken bones. cuts, or other
injuries. 0 Next, oil is flushed from its eyes and intestines.
(,) Heavily oiled birds are then wiped with absorbent cloths to
remove patches of oil. Cit Stomach·coating medicines may be
administered orally to prevent additional absorption of oil inside
the bird’s stomach. Cit The bird is then warmed and placed in a
quiet area. 0 Finally, curtains are often hung around the area to
limit the bird’s contact with people.
In addition to the linked passives, good flow is also achieved in Text B
through the use of several time adverbials that help establish the sequence of
events-once, first, next, then, and finally. (See also the time adverbials in the
passage in Task Three.)
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 127
Participles
You may also have noticed, through the flu virus examples, that flow can be
maintained by taking the -ed participle in the passive construction and using
it as an adjective.
First, the virus strains most likely to cause disease are
identified and three are selected for vaccine development.
The virus samples of each selected strain are injected into
separate batches of fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of
virus. Each virus strain is grown separately inside the eggs
over the course of several days, after which it is harvested,
inactivated, and purified. The purified virus strains are then
combined to create the vaccine, blended with a carrier fluid
and dispensed into vials.
By using selected and purified as adjectives, the writer establishes a strong
connection between the sentences and indicates a newly acquired characteristic of the virus. This form of repetition contributes to the overall old-tonew flow of ideas.
rvJilli”’m_m _________ .,X _____ iffiUmlg __ I_, ___ ,,_______ biiiiM
TASK THIRTEEN
Improve the flow of ideas for the process descriptions by adding a
time adverbial, linking passive, or using an -ed participle. There
may be several possibilities. To help you, we have identified the
process being partially described.
Example
Phytoremediation-using plants to remove metal from the soil
Original
The plants are selected. The plants are planted at a particular
site based on the type of metals present and other site conditions. The plants are allowed to grow for some time. The plants
are harvested. They are either incinerated or composted to
recycle the metals.
——-,,~
128 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Revision
The plants are selected and planted at a particular site based
on the type of metals present and other site conditions. After
the plants have been allowed to grow for some time. they are
harvested and either incinerated or composted to recycle the
metals.
1. Oil spill cleanup
The oil is skimmed from the surface using a boom. The oil
is pumped into a tank for recycling.
2. Banana virus infection
Banana trees become infected with the banana bunchy top
virus. In the early stages of the disease, the banana trees
produce fruit that is deformed. Eventually, in later stages
of the disease, the plants yield no fruit at all.
3. Tempering glass
The glass is cut to size. It is inspected to determine if it
has any imperfections. The glass is heated to over 600’e.
The glass is cooled in a step known as quenching.
4, Coronary bypass surgery
A vessel is taken from the leg. The vessel is grafted to the
aorta and the coronary artery beyond the narrowed area.
The vessel allows blood to flow to the heart muscle.
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
5. Geyser eruption
Water from rain or melted snow percolates into the ground
through cracks. The water is heated by the underlying
rocks to temperatures well above the boiling point. The
water does not boil. It becomes superheated. It also
becomes pressurized. The water bursts out of the ground
in an explosive steam eruption.
129
6. Now re-write the instructions for inoculating eggs with influenza
virus as a process description. For convenience, we provide the
text again here.
Inoculation of eggs in flu vaccine development
a. Place eggs into egg trays with the blunt end up, and label
eggs with a specific identification number. Allocate 3 eggs
for each specimen.
b. Wipe the blunt end of each egg with 70% ethanol and
punch a small hole in the shell over the air sac.
c. Aspirate 0.6 ml of processed specimen into a tuberculin
syringe with a 22 gauge, 1 1/2-inch needle.
d. Hold the egg up to the candler and locate the embryo.
Insert the needle into the hole in the shell and, using a
short stabbing motion, pierce the amniotic membrane and
inoculate 1 00 ~I of the specimen into the amniotic cavity.
Withdraw the needle by about 1/2 inch (1.25 cm) and
inoculate 1 00 ~I of the specimen into the allantoic cavity.
Remove the needle.
2 EIT, ;
Active Voice in Process Descriptions
So far we have emphasized the use of the passive voice in process descriptions. Part of the reason for this is that until now we have concentrated on
processes that involve human action. There are, however, many natural
processes that take place without direct human intervention. In such cases,
active voice is often used, or there may be a mix between active and passive,
depending on the process.
130 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK FOURTEEN
Read this problem-solution text and then discuss the questions on
page 131. Note the frequent use of active voice in the process.
o Coral reef ecosystems are well known for their beauty and
diversity. 0 Found throughout tropical and subtropical regions of
the world, they are often thought to be the marine equivalent of
terrestrial rainforests .• During the last several decades, however,
coral reefs have been undergoing alarming changes as a result of
environmental stresses, the most serious of which is whitening or
bleaching. (,) Although the mechanism of bleaching is not fully
understood, this phenomenon is linked to the breakdown of the
symbiotic relationship between the coral and an algae known as
zooxanthellae. 0 The algae, which give the coral its color, live
inside the coral and perform photosynthesis, sharing the food that
they produce. Cit When the coral is stressed as a result of increases
in temperature or the amount of light, the zooxanthellae carry out
too much photosynthesis and in response the coral expels the
algae. e The loss of the algae exposes the white calcium carbonate
skeletons, thus leaving the coral unable to grow or reproduce.
o Coral can survive for brief periods of time without the zooxanthellae, but if the reef environment does not return to normal, the
coral dies.
e!) Coral reefs require from 30 to 100 years to recover from
bleaching, if they recover at all. G> Researchers are now investigat·
ing whether this recovery time can be accelerated .• One approach
currently under study involves transplanting healthy coral into a
bleached reef .• However, thus far, the process has seen limited
success.
PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
1. identifY the situation, problem, solution, and evaluation.
Sentence Numbers
, Situation
: Problem
‘ol”,ioo
“‘UdUU”
Which of these sections receives the greatest treatment? “Why?
2. What linking words and phrases are used to indicate cause and
effect?
131
3. In Sentence 10, the author wrote are now investigating. Why was
the progressive used?
4. Also, Sentence 1 0 includes a passive construction-can be accelerated. Why was this used rather than the active?
5. In Sentence 2 the author wrote … they are often thought to be the
marine equivalent of terrestrial rainforests. How would the meaning change if the author had omitted the phrase in the passive
voice (i.e., they are often thought to be) and opted for they are the
marine equivalent of?
If a process description employs verbs that indicate a change of state, such
expand, rise, cool fracture, and form, active voice is often used.
The Sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
Most metals expand and contract with variations in
temperature.
The beam fractures when the load upon it becomes too great.
Tropical storms can form only in areas of high humidity and
temperature. First, the warm sea heats the air above its sur·
face. The warm, moist air then rises above the sea, creating a
center of low pressure.
When demand increases, prices are likely to rise.
Can you think of some other examples?
132 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
There is a close parallel between process descriprions and descriptions of
merhods in research papers (see Unit Seven). If there is a difference, it is thar
process descriptions deal with standard procedures, while methods descriptions are typically new modifications or developments of earlier methods.
tM 7 g
TASK FIFTEEN
Researchers have been trying to develop artificial muscles for medical purposes and have recently developed a way to re-create muscle
action using a type of artificial silk. Here is a set of instructions for
the preparation of the material, followed by information on how the
material simulates actual muscle. Write a problem-solution text that
uses the information as part of the solution. Use your imagination
to create a situation and problem that could be solved through the
use of an artificial mnscle. Be sure to include alI the required parts
of a problem-solution text and to present the process in an appropriate manner, using passive voice and sequential connectors. Show
cause-and-effect relationships where appropriate.
1. Cook the Orlon. Orlon is a form of artificial silk.
2. Boil the Orion nntil it turns into a liquid rubbery substance.
3. Pour the solution onto Plexiglas to form a thin film.
4. Vacuum away excess water from the film. Allow the film to dry.
5. Cut the dried film into 2 centimeter-wide strips. Bake it in a
90°C oven. The material is ready for use after it has been baked.
6. Prepared Orlon has a structure similar to that of human muscle
fiber and is naturally negatively charged with electricity.
7. If you apply acid to the material, you introduce a positive charge
and you cause the ions to attract. This attraction contracts the
material like a muscle.
S. If you apply a base material, you introduce a negative charge, the
ions repel, and the muscle expands.
& usn
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 133
IT 1 & n
TASK SIXTEEN
In the articles from your field of study that you chose for Task Nine
in Unit One, can you identify a Methods section? Does it describe
a series of procedural steps that the authors followed? If so, is the
description mainly written in the active or passive? Is it written in
present tense? How is the flow of information maintained? In
particular, are there time adverbials at or near the beginning of
some sentences?
m j
TASK SEVENTEEN
”
Write a process description of your own choice. If possible, choose
a topic that you can later incorporate into a full problem-solution
text. Consider choosing a topic in your field.
–
~ Language Focus: Indirect Questions
In one important sense, this unit has focused on formulating questions (problems) and evaluating the answers to those questions (evaluations). For example. if we look back at the text in Task Fourteen, we can see an example.
Gil Researchers are now investigating whether this recovery
time can be accelerated.
You probably noticed that in both cases the writer has opted to use an indirect question rather than a direct question. As you know, indirect questions
follow the standard word order (the subject followed by the verb). They do
not require that the subject and the verb be inverted, as in a direct question.
Indirect questions also end with a period rather than a question mark. Here
is an example.
Direct question: What was the response rate?
Indirect question: The editor asked what the response rate was.
134 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
The main difficulty in using indirect questions involves remembering tbat
the subject and verb should not be inverted. Both research and experience
suggest that not inverting is learned relatively late. The use of a “question
word” may automatically trigger the inversion and lead to these incorrect
forms.
It is unclear what will be the price of oil next year.
It is unclear what will the price of oil be next year.
The correct form, of conrse, would look like this.
It is unclear what the price of oil will be next year.
TASK EIGHTEEN
The verb to be is missing from these statements. Insert it in the
correct position and in the correct form.
1. The question remains whether it possible to develop a reliable
earthquake warning system.
2. We need to know what precautions being taken to prevent the
spread of the disease.
3. There is some question as to whether the current crisis can
eventually overcome.
4. It has not been determined how these policies likely to affect
small businesses.
5. It might also be of interest to investigate to what extent
persistence a major factor in graduate student success.
6. Another issue raised by this study is whether and to what extent
poverty and environmental degradation linked.
IH
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
3,ii
7. The process uses the CPU power it needs, depending on what
it doing and depending on what other processes running.
8. The research investigated whether time money and fonnd that
V = {W[(lOO-t)/IOO]}/C, where Vis the value of an honr, Wis
a person’s hourly wage, t is the tax rate, and C is the local cost
of living.
TO & :
135
Indirect questions have a number of functions in academic writing; for
example, they can be used in explaining purpose.
A questionnaire was distributed to determine whether ….
However, perhaps their most important use has been illustrated in Task
Eighteen. They are often used to “problematize” issues, cases, phenomena,
statements, and so on. For this reason, they are particularly common in
problem-solution texts-first as one way of introducing the problem and
then as one way of offering a (critical) evaluation of the solution. In Task
Nineteen you will have an opportunity to use indirect questions.
Although we have stressed indirect questions as a way of introducing or
discussing problems, we do not want to imply that this is the only way. In
some cases, direct questions may be possible.
However, is the data reliable?
Keep in mind, however, that you should limit your use of these in academic writing, as we stated in Unit One. Another common way to introduce a problem is to use an adversative sentence connector, such as however
or nevertheless (see Table 1 on page 37). Notice how each of these examples
is somewhat negative.
However, this system/process/idea has its problems.
Nevertheless, few solutions have been found to … .
Despite this, little progress has been made in … .
Nevertheless, the problem remains as to how … .
136 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
However, there remains the issue of reliability.
Even so, this model has some serious limitations.
Even so, researchers still have to find a way to ….
TASK NINETEEN
One of us Oohn} interviewed a student writing up her first research
paper for her master’s in Social Work. Mei-Lan said she was interested in learning more about the Chinese elderly living in the
United States. She said that she had chosen this topic because many
people believed that Chinese communities traditionally had always
looked after their elderly and, further, that these old people would
not easily accept help from outsiders. She wondered whether this
was still true in the United States. She also observed that the
available research had mainly been conducted in the larger Chinese
communities in the major cities on the east and west coasts. She
therefore decided to study small communities in the midwest. John
then asked her about her methods.
IS: How did you find your subjects?
ML: I used friends and friends of friends in the local Chinese community to introduce me.
IS: How did you collect your data?
ML: I used face-to-face interviews. I wanted one-on-one situations
since I was afraid that if family members had been there, my
interviewees might not have been truthful about their feelings
and experiences.
IS: Did you have to get permission from the review board?
ML: Yes, because I was dealing with human subjects.
IS: Did you have any problems with this?
ML: No, not at all. Interview methods are usually quickly
approved.
IS: How many people did you interview?
ML: I ouly managed to interview about ten. Not much time, and
not all of my contacts worked out. I also got some refusals.
So, this was just a small-scale pilot study. There were not
enough subjects for any statistical analysis.
——_._ .. _._ .. –“”
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
IS: How long did the interviews last, and did you use a fixed list
of questions?
ML: About an hour. I had some questions but did not always use
them all. I guess my data could be said to be based on what
sociologists call “semi-structured” interviews.
IS: Did you use English?
ML: The interviewees used whatever language they were most
comfortable with-Mandarin, Taiwanese, or English. I think
this was a strong point in my method.
Now write up Mei-Lan’s investigative procedure. Maintain a formal
style. You may decide to include only some of the information contained in the preceding conversation or re-order it.
m
Introducing the Solution
137
] $I
Looking back at the texts we have examined, we see these solutions
introduced.
To address this problem in the village of Chungungo, scientists
implemented an interesting solution.
One approach currently under study involves transplanting
healthy coral into a bleached reef.
Here are some additional skeletal sentences based on sentences we found
in published articles.
Solutions to this problem are now widely discussed. One
remedy is to ….
One method to address this difficulty is to ….
There are two possible ways of handling this problem. The
first …. The second ….
Several options are available to address this obstacle.
However, the best one seems to be … .
A radically different design/model of … can overcome this
limitation.
Recently, researchers have made significant progress in
overcoming this difficulty by ….
138 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
The verb solve is a fairly common choice for introducing a solution, but a
number of other verbs can be used as well. Indeed our own examples demonstrate variety in verb choice. We would like to furrher add that the examples
are what we have referred to as skeletal phrases. In other words, these are
phrases that you can adapt for your own writing, taking cate that you add your
own original content. For instance, in a text on fog harvesting, it is possible to
write this sentence based on a skeletal phrase to introduce the solution.
Recently, researchers have made significant progress in overcoming this difficulty by introducing a simple fog harvesting
system.
One way to find skeletal phrases is to use Google Scholar to search for
them. Rather than looking for journal arricles, you can search for strings of
lauguage. For instance, you could do this search: “approach to * this problem” (note quotation marks are needed to search for the exact phrase; the *
is a wild card that will reveal the language that appears between approach
and to this problem). The results of this search would reveal these verbs that
can complete the phrase: overcome, solve, tackle, and address, to name a few.
You will also see possible grammar choices. In the example search, for
instance, you will see both approach to solving this problem and approach to
solve this problem. To determine which is most common in your field, you
can also narrow your search by adding your area of study. If you are interested in robots, you can search for “approach to * this problem” rohots.
We suggest that you exercise caution when searching for and using skeletal phrases. While skeletal phrases will help you with your academic phraseology, you do not want to borrow complete expressions of ideas, which
could be considered plagiarism (see Unit Five).
aw!
TASK TWENTY
Write your own problem-solution text that includes both a process
description and a definition, or write a review of the current state
of knowledge in your field that raises a question about it and offers
a possible or partial answer. Be sure to include the kind of detail
that can convince readers of your daims.
In E ill!
Unit Four
Data Commentary
In many academic writing tasks, there comes a place where you need to discuss data. In fact, research has shown that in some fields such as Engineering, the ability to make a point or build an argument based on data is
essential to successful writing (Wolfe, 2011). In many disciplines, the data is
displayed in a table, graph, figure, or some other kind of non-verbal illustration. The data may come from a source, or it may be the outcome of your
own work-that is, your results. (For more on writing up your results, see
Unit Seven.) This data is likely incorporated in the main text, although in
some cases it may be provided in an appendix. We have called data-focused
writing sub tasks data commentaries. The amount and level of specificity of
commentary provided for a data set can vary considerably depending on the
type of text being written (the genre). For instance, in published journal articles, some data commentaries may be as short as a single sentence and be
very general. In a technical report, the commentary may be much longer.
Strength of Claim
Like many other aspects of academic writing, data commentaries are exercises in positioning yourself There are, as a result, both dangers and opportunities. One danger is to simply repeat in words what the data has expressed
in non-verbal form-in other words, to offer description rather than actual
commentary or interpretation. An opposite danger is to read too much into
the data and draw conclusions that are not well supported. The art of the
commentary is for you to find the right strength of claim in discussing the
data and then to order your statements in some appropriate way (perhaps in
order of interest or relevance). This may involve moving in a general-specific
direction (see Unit Two). To illustrate what we mean by finding the right
strength of claim, we offer Task One.
139
140 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
WIL 5 ill tV trW lli§WYT nQUn; 7 mum
TASK ONE
Work with a partner and decide whether the verb phrase choice
results in a strong (S), weak (W), or neutral (N) statement. Some
disagreement is reasonahle. Can you think of other verbs or verb
phrases that could complete the sentence? How would you evaluate
the strength of claim for your alternatives?
Many studies have concluded that excessive credit growth __ _
the global financial crisis.
a. contributed to
b. caused
c. may have contributed to
d. was probably a major cause of
e. was one of the causes of
f. might have been a factor in
lIEd: ; w
As you can see, each of the options “fits” grammatically and each makes
sense; however, only one may actually be the “right” choice in terms of
what you know and think. Thus, your choice of verb can convey your
stance or perspective and the extent to which you believe the explanation to
be correct.
It is not easy to predict precisely what you might need to do in a data
commentary, but some of the more common purposes are to
• highlight the results of research
• use the data to support a point Of make an argument in your paper
• assess theory, common beliefs, or general practice in light of the given
data
4: DATA COMMENTARY 141
• compare and evaluate different data sets
• assess the reliability of the data in terms of the methodology that produced it
• discuss the implications of the data
• make recommendations
Typically, of course, a data commentary will include several of these
elements.
2
TASK TWO
For this task, discuss these questions about students’ internet activities
with a partner and then look at some data.
1. What kinds of illegal or inappropriate activities do students
engage in via the internet?
2. How common do yon think these activities are among college
students?
3. Which, if any, of the activities you identified should be tolerated
or ignored?
4. Look at the data presented in Table 4 on page 142. What is your
reaction? Is the data consistent with what you discussed in Questions 1 and 2? Does anything surprise you? After reviewing the
data commentary on page 143, answer the questions on pages
143-144.
142 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TABLE 4. University Student Respondents’ Self-Reported Instances of
Online Misbehavior during the Previous 12 Months (Data are the
percentage of all student respondents, N ~ 1,222.)
More
Once Than
or A Few a Few Overall
Twice Times Times Percentage
Misrepresentation • Given false information about 34.0 12.0 5.0 51.0
of self yourself to another person on
the internet
• Provided false information about 33.0 13.0 5.0 51.0
your personal details on an
online form
Unauthorized use • Accessed someone else’s email 18.0 6.0 2.0 26.0
of another’s account without his or her
account knowledge
• Used someone’s credit details 4.0 1.0 1.0 6.0
online without his or her knowledge
Plagiarism of an • Copied a few sentences from a 39.0 16.0 5.0 60.0
essay or website into an essay or assignassignment ment without citing the source
• Copied a few paragraphs from a 21.0 7.0 2.0 20.0
website into an essay or assignment without citing the source
• Copied a few pages from a web- 8.0 3.0 1.0 11.0
site into an essay or assignment
without citing the source
• Copied a whole essay or assign- 2.0 1.0 0.6 4.0
ment from a website without
citing the source
• Paid for an essay or assignment 2.0 0.7 0.7 3.0
from a website
Unauthorized • Unauthorized downloading of 18.0 22.0 36.0 76.0
downloading of music from the internet
music or film • Unauthorized downloading of 18.0 16.0 19.0 53.0
film or video from the internet
Pornography use • Viewed online pornography or 17.0 12.0 11.0 40.0
pornagraphic pictures or films
• Paid for online pornography or 3.0 1.0 1.0 5.0
pornographic pictures or films
From Selwyn, Neil, 2008, A Safe Haven for Misbehaving? An Investigation of Online Misbehavior
Among University Students, Social Science Computer Review, 26, 446–465. Copyright Sage Publications.
Used with permission.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 143
The commentary was written by a student enrolled in an academic writing course.
o Table 4 shows survey respondents’ self-reported involvement in
online misbehavior during the previous 12 months. 8 According to
the table, the most common online misbehavior is “unauthorized
downloading of film and music.” t) As can be seen, just over three
out of four students in the study have downloaded music or film
more than once a year. ” This very high percentage of misbehavior
is especially alarming, since protection of intellectual property is a
basic element for enriching the film and music industries.
41) Another notable result is that viewing pornographic materials
on the internet was reported by 40% of the respondents, although
purchasing pornography was reported by only a small minority of
these respondents. 0 The least frequently reported misbehaviors
were illegally using another person’s email account or credit information, along with either completely copying homework from a
website or buying an assignment from a source on the internet. Ii)
It is worthwhile to note that these different forms of online misbehavior seem to be patterned according to the degree of the perceived seriousness of the bad behavior. 0 Activities that are
generally believed to be criminal (e.g., using someone’s credit information) were less frequent than activities that, although unlawful,
many do not view as criminal, such as downloading movies and
music. 0 Illegal downloading may have an economic cause, but
other reasons might be important, as well. Gil This problem will
likely continue until reasons that students engage in this behavior
are clearly identified.
5. What are the purposes of Sentences 1-3?
6. How is the commentary organized overall?
7. Which sentence contains the author’s key point?
8. On pages 140-141 we listed seven common purposes for data
commentaries. In which category (or categories) does this one
fall?
144 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
9. To what aspect of the data does the author pay most attention? Why? Do you think this is enough? If not, what else
should be discussed?
10. Where, if at all, do we get a sense of what the author thinks
about the data and how committed the author is to the interpretations? How important is it that we know this? How
important is the comment in Sentence 4, for instance?
11. Illegal downloading of mnsic, film, and video was reported by
76% of the students. In Sentence 3, this is expressed as just
over three out of four. What do you think about that reformulation and about these alternatives?
a. about 75% C. most
b. as much as 76% of all d. slightly more than 75%
12. Sentence 7 begins with It is worthwhile to note that . … Go to
Google Scholar and search for “It is * to note that” to find
other adjectives that could be used. (Be sure to use the quotation marks.) If you do not have access to the internet, try to list
some possibilities on your own.
13. Which is more common: it is worthwhile to note that or it is
worth noting thati How common is it is worthwhile noting thati
If you have internet access, go to Google Scholar to compare
the frequencies of each of the three expressions.
14. What are some of the features of this text that make it an
example of written academic English? Look back to Unit One
if you need help.
•
Structure of Data Commeutary
Data commeutaries usually have these elements in the following order.
1. location elements and/or summary statements
2. highlighting statements
,
3. discussions of implications, problems, exceptions, recommendations,
or other interesting aspects of the data
4: DATA COMMENTARY 145
Here is the data commentary from Task Two again, with these elements
marked.
Location statement + indicative summary
o Table 4 shows survey respondents’ self· reported involvement
in online misbehavior during the previous 12 months. f) According
to the table, the most common online misbehavior is “unautho·
rized downloading of film and music.” 8 As can be seen, just
over three out of four students in the study have downloaded
music or film more than once a year. (,) This very high percent·
age of misbehavior is especially alarming, since protection of
intellectual property is a basic element for enriching the film
Highlighting
statement in
terms of a
linking as
and music industries. 0 Another notable result is that viewing
pornographic materials on the internet was reported by 40% of the
respondents, although purchasing pornography was reported by
only a small minority of these respondents. 0 The least frequently
reported misbehaviors were illegally using another person’s email
account or credit information, along with either completely copying
homework from a website or buying an assignment from a source
on the internet.fj It is worthwhile .to note that these different forms
of online misbehavior seem to be patterned according to the degree
of the perCeived seriousness of the bad behavior. 0 Activities that
are generally believed to be criminal (e.g., using someone’, credit
information) were less frequent than activities that, although
unlawful, many do not view as criminal,suc.h as downloading
movies and music.. 0 Illegal downloading may have an economic
cause, but other reasons might be important, as well. G)This
problem will likely continue until reasons that students engage in
this behavior are clearly identified.
clause
Interpretations
and implications
146 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
m
TASK THREE
Table 5 provides some additional data on internet misbehavior.
Work with your partner and consider what data you might highlight in a written commentary and why. How can you account for
some of the differences in the groups?
TABLE 5. Respondent’s Self· Reported Instances of Online Misbehavior
during the Past 12 Months according to Background (Data are
percentages.)
Unauthorized Plagiarism Unauthorized
Misrepresen- Use of of an Downloading
r r r
tation Another’s Essay or of Music Pornography
of S.lf Account Assignment or Film Us.
Gender Male 66 24 65 85 79
Female 59 29 59 72 14
Age 18 63 26 65 79 38
19 61 28 60 75 38
20 69 31 61 84 55
>21 61 24 64 74 54
Perceived Expert 70 30 65 85 48
internet
competence Non- 54 24 58 65 28
expert
Access to Private 63 27 62 79 40
internet personal
computer
Shared 66 29 64 70 40
public
computer
From Selwyn, Neil, 2008, A Safe Haven for Misbehaving? An Investigation of Online Misbehavior
Among University Students, Social Science Computer Review, 26, 446-465. Copyright Sage Publications.
Used with permission.
“. is ; n tiiilli men
We will now look at location elements and summaries in more detail.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 147
Location Elements and Summaries
Many data commentary sections begin with a sentence containing a location
element and a brief summary of what can be found in a visual display of
information, as shown in these examples.
a. Table 5 shows the rypes of internet misbehavior common among university students.
b. Table 6 provides summary statistics for the variables used in the analySIS.
0. Figure 2 shows a honeycomb solid oxide fuel cell (SOFC) unit with air
cooling paths.
d. Figure 1 plots wealth as a function of age.
As you can see, location statements direct readers to view important
information in a table, chart, graph, or other figure. Even though research
indicates that readers often look at the visual information before reading,
location statements are expected. They are considered to be a form of
metadiscourse-sentences or phrases that help readers make their way
through a text by revealing such things as organization, referring readers to
relevant parts of a text, or establishing logical connections. Metadiscourse is
a noticeable feature of academic writing, although its value and frequency of
use varies from one writing culture to another.
While grammar checking tools may influence you to largely use active
voice in your writing, the passive can also be used, as demonstrated here. In
fact, in some published texts, the percentage of passive verbs has been found
to be as high as 25 percent.
Summary + Location Element with Passive Voice
a. The types of internet misbehavior common among university students
are shown in Table 4.
b. Summary statistics for the variables used in the analysis are provided in
Table 5.
0. A honeycomb solid oxide fuel cell (SOFC) unit with air cooling paths
is shown in Figure 2.
d. Wealth as a function of age is plotted in Figure 1.
We bring two points to your attention. First, note the consistent use of the
present tense. This occurs because the author is talking about his or her
148 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
present paper. Second, in English the active forms are just as appropriate as the
passive versions. (However, in a number of languages it may not be natural to
say that a graph or other inanimate object reveals, gives, or suggests.) Although
switching between active and passive voice may seem to be a good stylistic
strategy, a better strategy would be to choose active or passive on the basis of
old-to-new information flow (see Unit One). Specifically, passive constructions can be used to place the old or familiar information in the subject position and the new information-that is, the location of the data at the end.
Notice that all the examples thus far provide general summaries of the
data. We have been given no specific details or highlights. We do not know,
for instance, what is significant in the SaFe design or at what age an individual might be the wealthiest or the poorest. Depending on what you are
writing, you may want to focus more on some significant aspect of the data
rather than merely generally pointing out what data is provided. This indication may be particularly important when you are using data to make a point.
For instance, if you want to argue that students are likely to engage in misbehavior on the internet regardless of how they access it, you could write this
sentence.
Table 5 shows that students engage in misbehavior on the
internet using both private and public computers.
If your point is that wealth increases slowly with age but decreases quickly
after reaching a peak, you could write this sentence.
Figure 1 reveals that wealth is accumulated slowly, but
sharply declines after age 65.
Notice the use of that in the two sample sentences. Sentences containing
that clauses do not easily go into the passive. (The flag indicates incorrect
usage.)
fl:J That wealth sharply declines after age 65 is revealed in
Figure 1.
While the passive version follows the rules of grammar, the sentence that
results seems awk:vvard in comparison to the version in the active voice. Thus,
if you want to highlight some aspect of the data using a that clause, use the
active.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 149
These two ways of pointing the reader to the data are similar to a twoway classification often used to categorize journal article abstracts. Indicative
abstracts merely indicate what kind of research has been done (i.e., they summarize); informative abstracts additionally give the main results andlor highlight something interesting abour the data. The parallel, we believe, is close,
and therefore we can describe location elements as either indicative or
informative.
~ Language Focus: Verbs in Indicative and Informative
~ Location Statements
There are appoximately a dozen verbs commonly used to make reference to
non-verbal material. Some can be used with both types of location statement. Show is one such verb.
• Indicative statement that summarizes what kind of research was done
Table 4 shows the types of internet misbehavior common
among university students.
• Informative statement that highlights something interesting about the
data
Table 4 shows that illegal downloading of music or films is
common among students.
Notice that the information after the that clause is given in a clause with a
subject and a verb.
Some verbs can be used with only one type oflocation statement. Provide,
for example, can only be used in an indicative location statement and cannot
be used with a that clause. (The flag indicates incorrect usage.)
Table 5 provides demographic information for the study
participants.
fb Table 5 provides that most study participants were fairly
competent internet users.
-~–,
150 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
” TASK FOUR
Decide whether each verb in the table can be used for an indicative
(general summary) location statement, an informative statement
(highlighting a specific aspect of the data), or both. Use the two
sentences that follow the table to help you make your decision.
Mark each box in the table with a Y for yes if the usage is possible
and an N for No if it is not possible. The first two have been done
as examples.
show Y Y
c-_. _______________ ~ _______ ~ j _______ ” __________ __I
provide Y N
~———– r——,——-+———-‘—–1
give
present
-··—–‘-r—–“————I~————–I
summarize
——– —-,,~-,-,,——~”‘———-.——-__1
illustrate
reveal
——,,-,——–,,-_.,-+-,_._–,———-1
indicate
display
demonstrate
———————,—+,————-j
suggest
___ , ________ ,,”‘-“,_,. ___________ ..J… _____ , ___ . ______ –‘
The table the effect of social networking use on the
duration of students’ study time.
The table that social networking has little, if any,
effect on the duration of students’ study time.
UPTUI
We looked at Ken Hyland’s (2004) corpus of 80,000 words from 80 research
articles in Biology, Physics, Electrical Engineering, Mechanical Engineering,
Marketing, Applied Linguistics, Sociology, and Philosophy to determine
4: DATA COMMENTARY I 51
which verbs are mosr frequently used in full sentences to refer to figures and
tables (Hyland, 2004). Table 6 shows the results of our analysis. All the verbs
were in the present tense.
TABLE 6. Active Verbs Following Reference to a Visual
Reference to Figure Reference to Table Total
shows 31 15 46
presents 6 7 13
illustrates 7 3 10
summarizes 2 4 6
demonstrates 2 3 5
contains 0 5 5
provides 0 3 3
depicts 2 0 2
lists 0 2 2
reports 0 2 2
TOTAL 94
Hyland, 2004.
We then looked at verbs in the passive voice in references to figures and
tables. The results are given in Table 7.
TABLE 7. Passive Verbs in Reference to a Visual
Reference to Figure Reference to Table Total
shown in 21 23 44
illustrated in 29 5 34
presented in 2 10 12
given in 2 4 6
listed in 0 6 6
seen in 3 4
provided in 3 4
summarized in 3 4
seen from 3 0 3
TOTAL 117
Hyland, 2004.
152 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
I ~ Language Focus: Linking as Clauses
So far, we have used sentences in which the reference to non-verbal data is
either the subject or the agent in the main clause. However, another common way to introduce informative statements is the linking as clause. Here
are some examples.
As shown in Fig. 1 and Fig. 2, the companies used in this
survey varied significantly in geographical location, size, and
method of operation.
As can be seen in Table 6, the overall rate of recall, while low,
also showed considerable variation.
Shallow junction GM APDs, peripheral area test structures, and
gate-controlled diodes, as shown in Figs. 1 (a), 1 (b), and 1 (c),
were manufactured in p-type epitaxially grown bulk silicon
using a conventional 1.5 um CMOS process reported previously.
As can be seen in Figure 1, the fully charged Lithium-ion
battery supplies 4.2 volts.
These linking clauses (where as does not mean the same thing as since or
becanse) are exceptional in English grammar. In the passive, these linking
clauses have no subjects. Compare the following sentences.
a. As it has been proved, the theory may have practical
importance.
b. As has been proved, the theory may have practical
importance.
In Sentence a there is a causal relationship between the as clause and the
main clause. Because the theory has been proved, it may have practical
importance. In Sentence b the as clause serves to suggest that rhe practical
importance of the theory (not just the theory) has been established.
Although you may find examples that run contrary to this advice, remember
not to use subjects in passive linking as clauses.
Finally, using prepositions with this rype of linking statement can be
tricky. Here are some of the main standard uses.
in As shown in Table 1 ….
by As predicted by the model ….
on As described on the previous page ….
4: DATA COMMENTARY 153
TASK FIVE
Fill in the blank with an appropriate preposition.
1. As can be seen _____ Figure 4, earnings have decreased.
2. As predicted the model, there is a strong positive
relationship between water loss and gas uptake (Fig. 1).
3. As described the previous section, there are two
common types of abstracts.
4. As defined the introduction, fraud is a form of
intentional deception resulting in injury.
5. As reported the previous literature, factors that
affect electrode adhesion during the chlorination process are the
average grain size and the pore density in the Agel thin film.
6. As can be seen a comparison of the two tables,
peak oxygen uptake and exercise capacity are reliable predictors
of quality of life.
7. As has been demonstrated previously materials
_____ this type, small cracks pose a serious problem.
S. As has been demonstrated previous studies,
organic polymer materials have advantages over inorganic
substrates.
9. As shown the line of best fit, there is no clear
statistical relationship between fiscal costs and crisis length.
10. As noted our discussion, prolonged exposure to
morphine also produces apoptosis in cell culture.
–
154 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK SIX
Look at two or three journal articles, preferably in your field of
stndy and possibly those you used in Task Nine in Unit One, that
present some data in visual form. How do the results in your tables
compare with the information provided about data commentary so
far? In which section or sections of the article did you find the commentary on the data? Complete the table.
‘1———-.——,-‘—
Element Yes or No?
Location Statements
f–,-~–,.—–:::–:;-.—–.—-+—.”——.-,—. Imperatives (e.g., see Fig. 1)
r–:~7″”c–‘——-‘ ——~.-.——- Parenthetical phrases (Fig, 7)
Present tense active
Present tense passive
I Examples 01 possible uselullanguage —-r——.—.,———–
f:—.—,–,-~-.—“.– ——_.—–,— language that softens or strengthens claims
4: DATA COMMENTARY 155
Now that you have done a bit of analysis, in this next task we ask you to add
to a data commentary on the strategies of Japanese researchers writing in
English.
W!fWP i
TASK SEVEN
=
The following data commentary, which is based on Dr. Akiko
Okamura’s (2000) research on how Japanese researchers learn to
write in English in their chosen field, is missing references to the
non-verbal data given in Table 8. Expand the commentary by first
starting with a location + summary statement and then by adding a
suitable linking as clause. Review the material presented up to this
point before you begin.
TABLE 8. Strategies Used by Japanese Scientists When Writing in
English
Writing Strategy Percentage
Think mainly in Japanese but write in English 61%
Think in Japanese and English but write in English 16%
Think in English and write in English 23%
Okamura, 2000.
Slightly more than three-fourths of the scientists surveyed adopted
writing strategies that involved the use of their first language.
Moreover, less than a quarter appear capable of writing directly in
English. Overall, the figures would appear to suggest that most
Japanese scientists have difficulties and frustrations when preparing papers for English-medium journals.
ID ill
156 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Highlighting Statements
The central sections of data commentaries consist of highlighting statements. Highlighting statements are points that can be supported by the
details of the data. We have already seen some examples in the text that
accompanies Task Two. Highlighting statements need good judgment. They
are an opportunity to show your intelligence. In particular, they are an
opportunity for you to demonstrate that
• you can spot trends or regularities in the data.
• you can separate more important findings from less important ones.
• you can make claims of appropriate strength.
Try to avoid
• simply repeating all the details in words.
• attempting to cover all the information.
• claiming more than is reasonable or defensible.
~ Language Focus: An Introduction to Qualifications and
~ Strength of Claim
We said earlier that highlighting statements need good judgment. They also
need good presentation of judgment. Thus, they have two requirements.
One is the need to be cautious-and sometimes critical-about the data. As
Skelton (1988) neatly observed, “It is important for students to learn to be
confidently uncertain.” The other requitement is to have the linguistic
resources to express this caution. In this section, therefore, we deal with ways
of qualifYing or moderating a claim and indicating your stance toward your
claims. Your stance or perspective is important in academic writing because
it allows you to reveal not only what you know, bur also what you think.
The way in which you reveal your stance contributes to author positioning.
To reveal your stance, you can, for instance, indicate your attitude (for example, I think); soften or hedge your claim as in it is likely that; or employ boosters to strengthen your points such as clearly there is a need to. These stance
markers are part of your textual or disciplinaty voice (Hyland, 2008). Control
of this voice is “central to building a convincing discourse” and integral to
“texts that plausibly represent an external reality” (Hyland, 2008) and anticipate readers’ reactions to those texts.
… _— ———
– (jOU thfnk ahout the MtCL on aiucalion? The
numbers jar ~tion Look raJ1(j dfjferent from the
others. I think ~ shouLd address this.
3. It is stmnee that (jou ck> JWt mendon the EneLish
LCLne””ee jactor. !lt ~t “,t jirst s!eht, thfs wouLd
seem to swest that this wouLd mcctter CL Lot.
+. The maii”,n if dmost 8 (jean from enterine
CL Ph’D yro.:Jrlkm to wmyLetine the Ph’D seems r-aJ1(j
Lone. What jactors couLd be contrfrntine to this? This
seems Ik Lot LdI’l,’Jer than what is typicd jor our
yro.:Jr”,m. .Most yro.:Jmms here s’t’1 the Ph’D yro.:Jmm is
ahout 5 (jmrs.
5. What CLre (jou sWestine with (jour yoint ahout
cctivisors? !lre (jou s’t’1ine that interJULtionaI students
have more dfjficlhity than ck>mesdc smaLents? ‘Do (jou
have “”1’1 coJtcrete evidence?
! j
172 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Concluding a Commentary
Concluding a commentary requires some original thinking. In fact, you may
recall that the conclusion of the commentary on internet misbehavior did
not merely stop, but offered the author’s view that misbehavior will persist.
4D This problem will likely continue until reasons that
students engage in this behavior are clearly identified.
The discussion of time to degree also concluded with some speculation
about the reasons for diffetences in time to PhD completion.
o Expectations that are “unmet, unclear, or unarticulated”
(Barnes, 2010) could influence the length of time it takes to
earn a doctorate.
One of the challenges in writing the conclusion is believing that you have
something that is worth saying and that it teasonably follows from the data.
In this regard, research has shown that strong writers engage in some reasonable speculation about the meaning of their findings, while weak writets
avoid doing so, often due to concerns about being wrong (Wolfe, 2011).
Thus, to position yourself as knowledgeable and capable, you may want to
consider including some of these elements in your conclusion.
• explanations andlor implications of the data (usually required)
• explanation of the reasoning process that led to the conclusions (if
appropriate)
• unexpected results or unsatisfactory data (if necessary)
• possible further research or possible future predictions (if appropriate)
TASK FIFTEEN
Work with a small group and discuss how to revise the draft data
commentary for Figure 8. Then re-write it. The grammar of the
commentary is fine. However, you may want to think about the
points discussed in the commentary, the reference to the figure,
phrases that can link the discussion to the figure itself, and the
strength of the conclusion.
=
. DATA COMMENTARY
FIGURE 8. Survival Time in Water of Different Temperatures When
Wearing Different Types of Clothing
..
•
~ , .S
~ , f- ~
~ oil
5 7
Based on Noakes, 2000.
— —— .. -‘ .. – .. _’
9 11
Water Temperature (CenHgrade)
_ .. – ..
13 15
–Dry-Suit with Dry
Underclothing
– – – Wet-Suit
(S-mm neoprene)
—— Ordinary Clothing
– “-Naked
173
The figure shows how long people can survive in water when they
wear different kinds of clothing that have different levels of insulation. Clothing has an influence on how long a person can survive.
The effect of clothing is greater at warmer temperatures. A person
wearing no clothing in cold water can survive only less than one
hour.
iU
The data you are workiug with may not always be perfect. In other words, it
could contain some anomalies, or there may be discrepancies between the
actual findings and the expected ones. Additionally, there may be obvious
limitations in the study for which the data was collected. If any of these
problems or limitations exist, usually the best strategy is to make a comment
about them. Try to explain why these unexpected results or errors occurred.
Think back to Sam in Unit One. As you may recall, Sam was faced with a
problem concerning the validity of his data. By bringing the problem out in
the open, Sam was able to present himself as a perceptive and intelligent
scholar.
174 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Language Focus: Dealing with Unexpected Outcomes or
“Problems”
If your data is not quite what you expected, your fitst reaction might be to
ignore the data that does not fit. Instead you should try to find a way to discuss the data. In fact, such a discussion can help you position yourself as
knowledgeable, if you are able to offer a brief explanation and perhaps suggest what work could be done in the future to overcome problems with your
data. The verb phrases in these example sentences may be helpful as you discuss imperfect data.
The difference between expected and obtained results may be
due to fluctuations in the power supply.
This discrepancy can be attributed to the small sample size.
The anomaly in the observations can probably be accounted for
by a defect in the camera.
The lack of statistical significance is probably a consequence of
weaknesses in the experimental design.
The problem with dating this archaeological site would seem to
stem from the limited amount of organic material available.
Now notice how due to is used in these sentences. Only the first three uses
are definitely correct.
1. The error may be due to improper installation of the program.
2. The error may be due to the fact that the program was not
properly installed.
3. The error may be due to the program not being properly
installed.
4. flJ The error may be due to the program was not properly
installed.
5. flJ The error may be due to not properly installing the program.
Sentence 4 is not well formed, while Sentence 5 is doubtful. While due to
can sometimes be followed by an -ing clause, Sentence 5 is problematic
because of the lack of a clear agent. Notice that in the correct statements the
verb phrase is followed by a noun phrase. If necessary, as in Sentence 2, a
noun phrase like the foct that could be added, even though due to the foct
that is considered awkward by some instructors. Nevertheless, sometimes
this is the only solution.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 175
TASK SIXTEEN
i1
12
1 3.
!4.
15
16
1 7.
Read an extended version of the commentary on the Japanese scientists from Task Seven. Label each sentence according to its function
and list the qualifying words or phrases in the chart. The first one
has been done for you.
o Slightly more than three·fourths of the scientists surveyed
adopted writing strategies that involved the use of their first Ian·
guage. 8 Moreover, less than a quarter appear capable of writing
directly in English. 8 Overall, the figures would appear to suggest
that most Japanese scientists have difficulties and frustrations
when preparing papers for English·medium journals. 0 Given the
well·known differences between scientific English and scientific
Japanese (Okamura, 2002), the heavy reliance on Japanese is some·
what unexpected. 41) This phenomenon probably reflects a lack of
confidence in English. Ii) Nevertheless, all the findings need to be
treated with some caution since they are based on what scientists
said they did, rather than on direct observations of their writing.
8 Case studies of actual writing practices would be one possible
direction for further research.
Qualifying Words
Sentence
(Age Groups)
Based on Ruch et at., 2010.
2i&
180 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
downward trend
steep fall
remain steady
peak
rise
spike
low point
level off
increase
1. Hwnor as character strength ages 61-65 for males:
2. Humor as character strength ages 26–45 for females:
3. Humor as character strength ages 65-70 for males:
4. Humor as character strength ages 60-65 for females:
5. Humor as character strength ages 20-50 for males:
sharp rise
falloff
decline
Now look at this graph from the physical sciences in Figure 11 and
choose a term from the list that best describes each letter. Some
terms may be used more than once.
FIGURE 11. Hard Sciences Graph
minimum
spike
kink
A.
c
D
local dip/local minimum
maximum/peak
linear increase
D.
E
local maximum
level off
B. E. ________________ __
e.
In what way are the terms for the physical sciences different?
7 !&D .U
4: DATA COMMENTARY 181
Dealing with Chronological Data
The graph in Figure 12 has a time dimension. Such data often presents writers of data commentary with an organizational problem. On the one hand,
writers wanr ro follow the general-specific rule. On the other, they may want
ro respect the chronological order, that is, start with the earliest and finish
with the latesr. Usually, it works best to try ro combine both strategies.
Figure 12 provides data on hand temperarure for two different kinds of
soccer goalkeeping gloves, which are very important for goalkeepers. The
two sets of gloves were made of normal foam material (NFM) and phase
control material (peM), rhe latter being designed ro change its physical state
from solid to liquid ro gas over a range of temperatures.
FIGURE 12. Changes in Mean Hand Temperature for PCM and NFM Glove
Conditions during Exercise
.. E34+——-f-.,L————-.::::::::::Lj
!33 e ~~~~_,~~—————iI~PCMI -%l–NFM
~ ! 32
31 +———————————-
o 5:00 10:00 15:00 20;00 25;00 30:00 35:00 40:00 45:00 50;00 55:00 60:00
Time (in minutes)
Based on data from Purvis and Cable, 2000.
182 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
7 it i j It] to
TASK TWENTY
The sentences in this commentary expand on the information given
in Figure 12 on page 181. They are not in the correct order.
Rearrange them in an appropriate order. Place 1 in front of the first
sentence, 2 before the second, and so on. Work with a partner.
— a. Hand temperatures for peM were consistently higher during the 45-minute exercise period, reaching a maximum
temperature of just under 36°.
–h. As can be seen, after an initial decrease, hand temperature
increased in each condition.
— c. However, the increase in temperature was more pronounced for the peM condition.
— d. The peM gloves were designed to maintain a steady and
comfortable hand temperature.
— e. Figure 12 displays the absolute skin temperature of the
hand during exercise for both the peM and NFM conditions.
–f. When exercise stopped at 45 minutes, hand temperatures
for the two conditions fell at approximately tbe same rate.
— g. Thus, the peM glove performance was inferior to that of
traditional NFM and would not necessarily lead to
enhanced goalkeeper performance.
–h. An overall increase in temperature is inevitable since goalkeeping gloves of any kind prevent heat loss and evaporation, leading to discomfort and a negative effect on
performance.
— 1. However, as can be seen, the peM gloves did not perform
as intended.
What can you conclude about how this data commentary is
organized?
4: DATA COMMENTARY 183
~ Language Focus: Prepositions of Time
The commentary in Task Twenty made few references to specific points at a
particular time. However, it would have been possible to do so by including
one or two sentences like these.
From the 10th to the 45th minute, hand temperature
increased.
During the first ten minutes, hand temperature dropped.
Hand temperature fluctuated throughout the period.
Hand temperature remained over 35’C from the 25th to the
50th minute for the PCM condition.
Hand temperature remained under 34’C until the 20th minute
for the PCM condition.
The highest temperature occurred in the 45th minute for the
PCM condition.
In the last ten minutes, hand temperature decreased for both
conditions.
After 50 minutes had passed, hand temperature began to
decrease.
At time 0, hand temperature for both gloves was 33’C.
TASK TWENTY-ONE
Write a suitable data commentary for Table 14 (page 184) or Figure 13 (page 185). You do not need to use both data sets. Find
current data to supplement the information if you can. Can you
speculate about the future? If you are interested in countries or
regions other than those given here, go to the source of this data
(www.scimagojr.comlindex.php) and make some other selections.
Alternatively, if you are familiar with H factors, explain for a new
scholar how they are calculated, using information from the table.
184 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TABLE 14. Country Rankings for Publications in Elsevier journals
1996-2010
Citable Self- Citations per
Country Documents Citations Citations Document
1 United States 4,530,542 87,296,701 40,680,446 19.08
2 China 1,508,308 5,614,294 2,948,990 5.17
3 United Kingdom 1,277,760 21,030,171 5,139,059 16.39
4 Japan 1,315,158 14,341,252 4,411,776 11.08
5 Germany 1,212,919 17,576,464 4,712,414 14.86
6 France 885,310 12,168,898 2,880,568 14.21
7 Canada 678,129 10,375,245 2,086,045 16.49
8 Italy 652,700 8,407,658 2,004,523 13.59
9 Spain 486,926 5,498,629 1,438,981 12.26
10 Australia 431,908 5,940,125 1,299,736 14.98
11 India 437,455 2,590,791 891,790 6.62
12 Russian Federation 439,232 2,121,202 649,236 4.86
13 Netherlands 371,845 6,628,024 1,157,260 18.78
14 South Korea 365,246 2,710,566 636,127 9.12
15 8razil 273,053 1,970,704 636,353 8.91
16 Switzerland 265,772 5,123,829 736,533 20.49
17 Sweden 267,358 4,657,464 801,285 17.95
18 Taiwan 264,035 1,957,112 496,308 8.86
19 Poland 231,790 1,553,359 428,883 7.32
20 Belgium 203,276 3,064,642 479,902 16.04
21 Turkey 190,023 1,110,749 317,389 6.93
22 Israel 163,727 2,484,606 383,457 15.58
23 Austria 139,976 1,969,446 292,996 15.02
24 Denmark 140,234 2,563,344 392,209 19.14
25 finland 148.239 2.277.054 392.301 16.64
26 Greece 134.246 1.227.591 234.462 10.55
27 Hong Kong 124.183 1.347.442 221.574 11.97
28 Mexico 120.830 926.074 206.334 8.92
29 Norway 116.118 1.618.371 275.923 15.63
30 Czech Republic 117.453 861.365 215.673 8.26
31 Iran 115.044 434.990 179.227 7.20
32 Singapore 104.747 988.263 146.276 11.02
33 New Zealand 94.462 1.209.745 203.690 13.91
34 Portugal 95.994 873.105 183.305 11.35
35 Argentina 90.135 814.586 185.945 9.85
H
Index
1,139
279
689
527
607
554
536
477
377
413
227
262
465
258
239
466
410
209
232
360
158
340
310
338
318
216
238
193
277
195
101
209
238
191
183
The H index is a reflection of both the number of publications and the number of citations per publi~
cation.
SCImago. (2007). SJR – SCImago Journal & Rank. Retrieved from _=i.!ill!i;gj.r,J0Q!!h
4: DATA COMMENTARY
FIGURE 13. Papers Published with Authors from More than
One Country
Percentage of Documents with More Than One Country
90
………. r—–
/ ….., V
…….
/ r—-t:–. / f..–” V “”” ,/’ ‘” …… ./
80
70
60
/ f”‘”‘-., r-/ 50
40 ,/’
30 /
./ V 20
Uganda
Ghana
South
Africa
u.s.
1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010
185
SCImago. (2007). SJR – SCImago Journal & Country Rank. Retrieved from www.scimagojr.com.
,
186 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK TWENTY-TWO
If you have some data that you have gathered from your own
research, write a data commentary about it. Alternatively, gather
some data from your classmates on some aspect of their university
experience that you think would be of interest. You could focus on
topics such as housing and transportation, free time activities, their
use of Skype or other forms of computer-mediated communication
to stay in touch with others, their awareness of support services on
campus, or any other suitable topic. Put together a very short questionnaire that is easy to distribute, complete, and analyze. A Likerttype questionnaire (in which choices are strongly disagree, disagree,
neither agree nor disagree, agree, or strongly agree) would be a good
choice. Keep it simple. Here is an example of a questionnaire on
food preferences put together in one of our writing courses. The
questionnaire was designed after the students had read an article
entitled “The Use of Food Attitudes and Behaviors in Determination of the Personality Characteristic of Openness: A Pilot Study,”
which examined whether individual food attitudes and preferences
were related to the personality characteristic of “openness” and willingness to experience new things.
1. Are you a graduate or undergraduate student?
2. Which country did you grow up in? _________ _
What is your reaction to the following? Circle one response.
3. I mostly eat food from my own culture that I am familiar with.
strongly
disagree
disagree neither agree
nor disagree
agree strongly
agree
· DATA COMMENTARY
4. It’s fun to try new foods that I have never had before.
strongly
disagree
disagree neither agree
nor disagree
agree strongly
agree
5. If offered something new, I would eat it only after I had asked
what it was.
strongly disagree neither agree agree strongly
disagree nor disagree agree
6. I think I am an adventurous person.
strongly disagree neither agree agree strongly
disagree nor disagree agree
Comments or explanations
187
Unit Five
Writing Summaries
Of all the writing tasks we have discussed so far, summary writing may well
be the one you are most familiar with. We make summaries of many different things, including meetings, lectures, and readings. OUf summaries may
be quite elaborate, or they may only involve one or two key phrases, depending on our purpose for writing them. These summaries of what others have
written or said may be for our own personal use. Most often we use this
material for future reference. In an academic setting especially, summaries
can form an essential part of our preparation for an exam, a class discussion,
a research paper, a thesis, or a dissertation. In these situations, we are free to
concentrate on what we think is important Of interesting about the source,
In the first half of this textbook, you could successfully complete most
of the writing tasks by relying either on information that you already possessed or on a small amount of information from a source. In the second
half, we will pay more attention to writing that heavily relies on the use of
sources. Unit Five deals with summary writing. Unit Six expands our discussion of summary writing to the writing of critiques of or critical responses to
source material, including book reviews. Finally, in the last two units, we
move on to writing sections of an entire research paper.
Summary writing may be part of a more public communication {such as
a published research article} and an integral part of other work that you may
do. For example, your advisor may ask you to summarize some recent literature that could be useful for your research group. Instructors may ask you to
write a literature review or critique articles. You may need to write a major
research paper at key points in your degree program or write a proposal. At
the very least you will need to summarize some published work to support
claims in your papers and to build a foundation for your research. In each of
these cases, you use the work of others to add credibility to your claims and
you have an opportunity to “display” your understanding of the work in
your field. Look back at the reality television text that starts on page 56. By
188
S: WRITING SUMMARIES 189
summarizing relevant portions of this text, you can support your view as to
whether reality TV programs are similar to or different from traditional documentaries.
Considerations before Writing a Summary
It is not likely that you will be assigned to produce a simple summary of a
published paper or book unless you are writing an annotated bibliography.
Instead, it is more likely that you will need to write a summaty as part of
some other writing task. These summaries can be extremely challenging to
write. A good summary has tbree principal requirements.
1. It should be focused on the aspects of the source text or texts that are
relevant for your purpose.
2. It should represent the source material in an accurate fashion.
3. It should condense the source material and be presented in your own
words. Summaries that consist of directly copied portions of the original rarely succeed. Such a summaty may suggest that you can find
potentially important information but will likely fail to reveal the
extent to which you have understood it. In addition, you may be plagiarizing (see pages 196-197).
Notice that we have not said anything about the length of a summary,
which will often be determined by your putpose. Sometimes instructors will
ask for a one-page summaty of an article (or maybe a two-page summaty of
a book) as part of a critique assignment. They may also ask for a paragraphlength abstract (see Unit Eigbt) or even a mini-summary of one to two sentences (as is typical of annotated bibliographies). Regardless of the type of
text, to do a good job, you must first thoroughly understand the soutce
material you are working with. So, here are some preliminary steps in writIng a summary.
1. Skim the text, noticing and noting the subheadings. If there are no
subheadings, try to divide the text into sections.
2. If you have been assigned the text, consider why. Determine what type
of text you are dealing with-that is, the genre of the source text (e.g.,
a research paper) or perhaps the organization (problem-solution or
general-specific). This can help you identifY importanr information
and focus your reading strategies.
190 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
3. Read the text, highlighting important infotmation or taking notes.
4. In your own words, list the points of each relevant section. Try to
write a one-sentence summary of each.
5. List the key support points for the main topic, and include minor
details if necessary.
6. Make sure your notes reflect the strength of the claims or conclusions.
7. Write your reactions or thoughts about the sections you have identified as important. (Keep in mind that informarion from sources
should support, but not become or be offered insread of, your own
interpretation and explanation.)
8. Go through the process again. Read the text several times if necessary,
making changes to your notes as appropriate.
,
TASK ONE
Let’s say you have been asked to write a paper in Public Health
that examines the consumption of energy drinks such as Red Bull,
Lipovitan-D, and Cobra. You come across this article and want
to use it to support your claim that these drinks are potentially
harmful and should be closely regulated. Underline the information
you might borrow to support your perspective. Be prepared to discuss your choices.
Caffeinated Energy Drinks-A Growing Problem
Reissig, C. J., Strain, E. c., and Griffiths, R. R. (2009).
Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 99, 1-10.
o In 2006, annual worldwide energy drink consumption increased
17% from the previous year to 906 million gallons, with Thailand
leading the world in energy drink consumption per person, but the
U.S. leading the world in total volume sales (Zenith International,
2007).8 Although “energy drinks” first appeared in Europe and
Asia in the 1960s, the introduction of “Red Bull” in Austria in 1987
and in the U.S. in 1997 sparked the more recent trend toward
aggressive marketing of high caffeine content “energy drinks.”
o Since its inception, the energy drink market has grown exponentially, with nearly 500 new brands launched worldwide in 2006
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 191
Uohnson, 2006), and 200 new brands launched in the U.S. in the
12·month period ending July 2007 (Packaged Facts, 2007). “From
2002 to 2006, the average annual growth rate in energy drink
sales was 55% (Packaged Facts, 2007) (Fig. 1).0 The total U.S.
retail market value for energy drinks (from all sources) was esti·
mated to be $5.4 billion in 2006 and has shown a similar annual
growth rate over this same period (47%) (Packaged Facts, 2007).
o These drinks vary widely in both caffeine content (ranging from
50 to 505 mg per can or bottle) and caffeine concentration (rang·
ing from 2.5 to 171 mg per fluid ounce) (Table 1).0 For compari·
son, the caffeine content of a 6 oz cup of brewed coffee varies
from 77 to 150 mg (Griffiths et aI., 2003).0 The main active ingre’
dient in energy drinks is caffeine, although other substances such
as taurine, riboflavin, pyridoxine, nicotinamide, other B vitamins,
and various herbal derivatives are also present (Aranda and Mar·
lock, 2006). 0 The acute and long·term effects resulting from
excessive and chronic consumption of these additives alone and in
combination with caffeine are not fully known. Gil Although the full
impact of the rise in popularity of energy drinks has yet to be real·
ized, the potential for adverse health consequences should be can·
sidered and may be cause for preemptive regulatory action.
Figure 1. Energy Drink Sales in the U.S. 2002-2006
800
700 +—
J 300 +———~-~~–
~ zoo”
100
2002 2003 2004 2005 2006
Fig. 1. Data are based on scanner data from over 32,000 stores such as supermarkets, drug stores,
and discount merchandisers other than Wal-Mart. Data are from retailers with $2 million or more in
annual sales but exclude: clubstores/warehouse clubs, convenience stores, dollar/variety stores, food
service, vending, concession sales and specialty channels/retailers of all types (e.g., gourmet/specialty
food stores, hardware/home improvements stores, military exchanges). (Based on data from Packaged Facts, 2007.)
192 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Table 1. Caffeine in Energy Drinks (United States)
Caffeine
Ounces per Concentration Total
Bottle or Can (mg/oz) Caffeine (mg)
Top selling energy drinks’
Red Bull 8.3 9.6 80.0
Monster 16.0 10.0 160.0
Rockstar 16.0 10.0 160.0
Amp 8.4 8.9 7S.0
Tab Energy 10.S 9.1 9S.0
Higher caffeine energy drinks”
Wired XSOS 24.0 21.0 SOS.O
Fixx 20.0 25.0 500.0
BooKoo Energy 24.0 15.0 360.0
SPIKE Shooter 8.4 35.7 300.0
Cocaine Energy Drink 8.4 33.3 280.0
lower caffeine energy drinks H
80mba Energy 8.4 8.9 75.0
HiBall Energy 10.0 7.5 75.0
Vitamin Water (Energy Citrus) 20.0 2.5 50.0
High concentration energy drinks H
RedLine Power Rush 2.5 140.0 350.0
Ammo 1.0 171.0 171.0
Powershot 1.0 100.0 100.0
Fuel Cell 2.0 90.0 180.0
Classic soft drinks
Coca-Cola Classic 12.0 2.9 34.5
Pepsi Cola 12.0 3.2 38.0
Dr Pepper 12.0 3.4 41.0
Mountain Dew 12.0 4.5 54.0
* Top selling energy drinks in the u.s. 2006, listed sequentially as a per~
centage of market share (based on data from Packaged Facts, 2007).
** Examples of energy drinks drawn from the hundreds of energy drink
products currently marketed in the U.S., listed sequentially on total caffeine
content.
Data on drink volume and caffeine content were obtained from the manufacturer via product label, website, or personal communication with manufacturer representatives. The one exception was that the caffeine content
for BooKoo Energy was obtained from the energyfiend website (Energyfiend
website, 2008).
Copyright Elsevier. Used with permission.
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 193
Here are two other possible writing scenarios that are very different
from the original task.
1. You are working on a course project focused on product development for a beverage company, and you have been asked to propose ideas for a new beverage. You think that the company
should create an energy drink. Would you choose the same information as you did at the beginning of the task (see page 190)?
2. You have been asked to write a recommendation about including
energy drinks in campus vending machines. Would your selections from the source text change?
Underlying the three hypothetical scenarios in Task One are
yes-no questions that can be answered using information from the
text. For instance, in the case of public health, the question is
broadly, “Are energy drinks a possible public health problem?” If
your answer is yes, you will choose information consistent with that
perspective. Note that by considering an underlying yes or no question, you need to take a stance. What might be the yes-no questions
underlying the other two scenarios? What is your stance?
In this next task we would like you to take a look at some attempts at
using the energy drink text to support the claim that energy drink use may
be a growing health concern. But first, we need to make a few comments.
Whenever possible, you should directly cite original sources, rather than cite
a citation (indirect citation). If you wanted to use the information on the
number of energy drinks introduced to the market, you should find and
read the Johnson (2006) paper. As a scholar, it is better to check the original
source to make sure that the information you saw elsewhere is accurate. If
the source is not accessible but you want to use information from it, then
you need to make it clear that this is what you have done by citing both
sources. The data in the report prepared by Packaged Facts, a market
research company, is not easily accessed and so it would be reasonable to use
the cited information from it.
/-‘–u’7″‘- __
194 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
This citation suggests that you have read the repon yourself, which
would be misleading.
Research by Packaged Facts (2007) has shown …
To indicate that you are citing a citation, this would be appropriate.
Research conducted by Packaged Facts (as cited in Reissig et
aI., 2009) has shown that ….
Note that this citation clearly attributes the data to Packaged Facts and not
to Reissig et a1.
? nnw :u
TASK TWO
Which of these five texts seems best as a general background paragraph for a paper arguing that energy drinks are a potential public
health problem? Explain your choice.
1. In the U.S., 200 new energy drink brands were launched in
the 12-month period ending July 2007 (Packaged Facts, 2007).
From 2002 to 2006, the average annual growth rate in energy
drink sales was 55% (Packaged Facts, 2007) (Fig. 1). In 2006,
the total U.S. retail market value for energy drinks (from all
sources) was approximately $5.4 billion and has shown a similar
annual growth rate over this same period (47%) (Packaged Facts,
2007). These drinks vary widely in both caffeine content (ranging from 50 to 505 mg per can or bottle) and caffeine concentration (ranging from 2.5 to 171 mg per fluid ounce).
2. According to Packaged Facts (as cited in Reissig et al., 2009),
between 2006 and 2007 hundreds of energy drink brands were
introduced into the U.S. market. This was likely a result of
producers recognizing energy drinks as a very profitable product
with growth potential. In fact, the average annual growth rate
in energy drink sales was 55% (Packaged Facts, 2007) (Fig. 1).
Research by Packaged Facts (as cited in Reissig et al., 2009)
shows that the total U.S. retail market value for energy drinks
(from all sources) was estimated to be $5.4 billion in 2006 and
has shown a similar annual growth rate over this same period
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 195
(47%). These drinks vary widely in both caffeine content
(ranging from 50 to 505 mg per can or bottle) and caffeine
concentrarion (ranging from 2.5 to 171 mg per fluid ounce).
Since the long-term effects of these high levels of caffeine are
not known, there is a chance that consumption of these drinks
may be harmful.
3. In 2002, sales of energy drinks in the United States were just
over $100 million. By 2006, however, this figure was $700
million. Although this tremendous growth is welcome news for
producers and retailers, it is unclear what the long-term health
consequences may be (Reissig et al., 2009). This uncertainry
may even encourage higher levels of consumption, leading to
possible health issues.
4. Hundreds of new energy drink brands have been introduced
into the market over the past decade Oohnson, 2006). Along
with this growth, sales have also dramatically increased, reaching
a market value of billions of dollars in the U.S. alone. Clearly,
the demand for caffeine, which varies widely in these drinks, is
insatiable and a public health crisis is about to emerge.
5. Energy drink consumption is rapidly growing, which is a source
of concern among health professionals (Reissig et al., 2009).
Specifically, researchers do not know what the long- and shortterms effects of caffeine and other additives in these drinks may
be (Reissig, 2009). Thus, we may soon be facing a public health
crisis.
Now use information from the Reissig et al. text to respond to the
question of whether energy drinks pose a public health problem.
!4ii PIT E
At this point, we want to draw your attention to an issue that has been
receiving increasing attention within and outside academia, specifically
using your own words when you borrow information from the work of others as you write your papers.
196 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Some Notes on Plagiarism
Plagiarism is best defined as a deliberate activity-the conscious copying
from the work of others. The concept of plagiarism has become an integral
part of North American and Western European countries. It is based on a
number of assumptions that may not hold true in all cultures. One is a
rather romantic assumption that the writer is an original, individual, creative
artist. Another is that original ideas and expressions are the acknowledged
property of their creators (as is the case with a patent for an invention). Yet
another is that it is a sign of disrespect-rather than respect-to copy without acknowledgment from the works of published authorities. This even
includes the use of images and figures that you have downloaded from the
internet, but for which you give no source.
Of course, borrowing the words and phrases of others can be a useful language learning strategy. Certainly you would not be plagiarizing if you borrowed items that are frequently used in academic English (skeletal phrases)
or that are common knowledge, such as these examples.
Paris is the capital of France.
An increase in demand often leads to an increase in price.
The results from this experiment seem to suggest that ….
These results are statistically significant.
Indeed, if you can never use standard phraseology and expressions of your
field or academia in general, it would be difficult to improve your writing.
The key is knowing the difference berween language used by most writers to
present their own perspectives and new ideas and language that expresses
someone else’s unique content and ideas. For instance, let’s look at a text that
we provided in Unit Two.
o The increasing popularity of electric vehicles (EVs) and plugin hybrid electric vehicles (PHEVs) is attributed to the savings in
fuel costs compared to conventional internal combustion
engine (ICE) vehicles. 49 EVs and PHEVs save energy due to the
employment of reverse regenerating braking during the deceleration cycle. @ This energy is typically stored in batteries and
ultracapacitors (UCs). 0 The incorporation of on-board energy
storage systems (ESS) and generation in PHEVs has been facilitated and dictated by the market demands for enhanced performance and range.
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 197
In this text, we believe there is language in Sentence 1 that you can borrow.
o The increasing popularity of ____ is attributed to
So, you might write this new sentence for a completely different topic.
o The increasing popularity of Voice over Internet Protocol
(VoIP) can be attributed to its low cost.
In Sentence 4, we think it would be fine to use this language. Can you
complete the sentence using information from your field? We offer an example to get you started.
“The incorporation of ____ in ____ has been
facilitated by ___ _
The incorporation of corpus data in academic writing courses
has been facilitated by the availability of large corpora on the
internet.
It would not, however, be acceptable to take the otiginal sentences in their
entitety and use them in your own text-unless you placed quotation marks
around them. Copying sentences without quotation marks amounts to passing off someone else’s work as your own.
You should also be aware that you should not borrow “famous” phrases
without at least putting them in quotation marks. Here, for example is a
famous quotation by Louis Pasteur, which was originally in French.
Chance favors the prepared mind.
If you wanted to use this phrase, you should recognize its special status. We
would encourage you to borrow standard phraseology of your field and
skeletal phrases when appropriate, but not special expressions such as the
Pasteur quote (unless these are placed in quotation marks).
I
198 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Iff
TASK THREE
Here are some approaches to writing, beginning with a plagiarizing
approach and ending with an acceptable quoting technique. Where
does plagiarism stop? Draw a line between the last approach that
would be considered plagiarism and the first approach that would
produce acceptable original work.
1. Copying a paragraph as it is from the source without any
acknowledgment.
2. Copying a paragraph making only small changes, such as
replacing a few verbs or adjectives with synonyms.
3. Cutting and pasting a paragraph by using the sentences of the
original but leaving one or two out, or by putting one or two
sentences in a different order.
4. Composing a paragraph by taking short standard phrases from a
number of sources and putting them together with some words
of your own.
5. Paraphrasing a paragraph by rewriting with substantial changes
in language and organization, amount of detail, and examples.
6. Quoting a paragraph by placing it in block format with the
source cited.
University plagiarism policies are readily available on the internet. We
recommend that you find and read through the plagiarism policy of your
institution and become familiar with it, even if you do not agree with all of
it.
Let’s now look more closely at the summary writing process by working
wi th a text from Mechanical Engineering.
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 199
7
TASK FOUR
Students in one of our writing courses were given a section of a
research paper on a driver support system and asked to respond to
this question: Is there a need for a shift in the focus of research on
car safety systems? With this question in mind, read the passage,
and then underline the information that you would include in your
response. Can you tell how the text is organized?
Design of a Haptic Gas Pedal for
Active Car·Foliowing Support
Mulder, M., Abbink, D. A.,
van Paassen, M. M., and Mulder, M. (2011).
IEEE Transactions on Intelligent Transportation Systems, 12, 268-279.
o The fact that the motor vehicle fatality rate per 100 million
vehicle miles has gone down from 5.1 to 1.4 [2] since the 1960s
is most certainly the result of improved driver safety regulations,
higher driver training standards, better road design, and advancements in car-safety systems. 8 From the early seatbelts and anticrash bodies to airbags and side impact protection systems, car
manufacturers have come up with a broad range of passive safety
improvements that significantly reduce the severity of driver,
passenger, and pedestrian or cyclist injury when involved in a traffic accident.
8 However, with the increased importance of the car as a
personal means of transportation, nondriving-related devices,
such as car stereos, mobile phones, and, more recently, navigation
systems, divert drivers’ attention increaSingly more away from the
primary sources of information necessary for safe operation of
the vehicle: the road and other road users. e With traffic accident
statistics attributing driver inattention as one of the major causes
of traffic accidents [3-5], this increase of in-vehicle devices is
worrisome at least-if not dangerous.
0To bridge the gap between the gain in improved passive
safety and the increasing development and use of nondrivingrelated in-vehicle devices, research on car safety systems is
200 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
directed more towards systems that actively support drivers in
their driving task. 0 Ultimately, active support systems aim to
prevent drivers from getting into accidents. e This is a radically
different approach compared with that of passive safety systems,
which help lessen the impact of driving accidents but do nothing
to contribute to preventing drivers from getting into an accident.
o The goal of this paper is to present the design of an active
haptic* support system for car-following. 0 The intended application range of the proposed system is limited to speeds of approximately 80 km/h and higher (minimum highway speeds). 4D The
system is intended to provide continuous car-following support
within a wide range of car-following situations-not only in critical
situations. ED The intensity of the support is, therefore, continuously adapted to the car-following situation.
If you recall, we said that it is important to read and take notes
on the text that you will summarize. To inform your understanding
and guide your choice of important information from the text, you
could use these questions.
Answer
Note that the questions are simply a starting point. You can
devise your own questions when you summarize parts of papers
from your own field.
“‘having to do with the sense of touch.
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 201
In answering the questions, you may have extracted this information,
which you could then use to discuss whether there is a need to change the
focus of vehicle safety research.
• The number of accidents and the severity of injuries have decreased
because of better safety.
• Drivers these days have a lot of technology that is accessible, but not
necessarily needed, to operate a vehicle.
• Technology distracts drivers.
• Distraction is a major cause of accidents.
• There is an interest in preventing accidents and not just in protecting
drivers.
• Accidents can be prevented if driver support systems are developed and
installed.
In the next step, these elements can be strung together to form the basis
of a response to the question. Of course, special care has to be taken to
ensure a logical flow of ideas. Here is a draft written by one of our students
in response to the question posed in Task Four.
o Since the 1960s the motor vehicle fatality rate per 100
million vehicle miles has gone down from 5.1 to 1.4 .• This
improvement is the result of improvements in driver safety
regulations, higher driver training standards, better road design,
and advancements in car-safety systems. 8 Important advances
in car safety include seatbelts, anticrash bodies, airbags, and side
impact protection systems (Mulder et aI., 2011). (;) All of these
are systems that have no influence on a driving situation until
an accident occurs. 0 Because they are idle until needed they are
known as passive safety systems.
0Passive systems are important, but may not be enough to
protect today’s drivers, whose vehicles now contain nondrivingrelated devices, such as car stereos, mobile phones, and, more
recently, navigation systems, that can divert their attention increasingly more away from the primary sources of information necessary for safe operation of the vehicle: the road and other road
users (Mulder et aI., 2011). e Thus, to continue the improvement
in driving safety, there is a need for a shift in the focus of research
on car safety systems that take into account driver distraction.
202 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
fi) Rather than focusing on protecting drivers in an accident,
research should be directed more towards systems that actively
support drivers in their driving task so that they do not get into
accidents in the first place. 0 This is a radical change from the
focus on passive safety systems, which do nothing to help prevent
drivers from getting into an accident (Mulder et aI., 201 1).
This is perhaps a reasonable beginning. The writer has retained the
important parts of the text. However, this summary has some weaknesses.
1. For the most part, too much of the text is written in the words of the
original, although no whole sections were borrowed. It may very well
be an example of plagiarism-work copied from a source without
proper attribution. Notice, for instance, that much of Sentence 1 is
very dose to the beginning of the soutce and throughout several
stretches of language from the source have been copied.
2. The draft does not display a high level of understanding of the source
passage. While it does show that the writer can pull out important
information, it may not convince the reader that the summary writer
understands the issues and need for research.
Overall, although this response is a reasonable draft, it needs more work
before it would be fully acceptable as a written assignment. Now, let us consider how the summary could be improved. One obvious approach would be
to paraphrase the sentences of the original.
Paraphrasing
A paraphrase is a restatement (in your own words) of the ideas in the original. Good paraphrasing can demonstrate that you have understood the text
you have read and can avoid plagiarizing. The most common strategy used
to accomplish this involves replacing words in the source with synonyms
and perhaps changing the grammar. Look again at Sentence 3 from the text
on new car safety systems .
. . . nondriving-related devices, such as car stereos, mobile
phones, and, more recently, navigation systems, divert drivers’
attention increasingly more away from the primary sources of
information necessary for safe operation of the vehicle: the road
and other road users.
S: WRITING SUMMARIES 203
If you want to use this information but write it in your own words, you
could begin by identifYing the important information in the sentence and
the relationships between points. You then might think about language to
establish relationships, as demonstrated here.
Important points
• There are a lot of devices in cars that have nothing to do with operating a vehicle.
• These devices can distract drivers.
• Drivers are so distracted that they may not pay attention to the road
and other drivers.
Important relationships
• cause and effect
Linking phrases and expressions that can connect the two points
• because
• therefore
• as a result
Verbs that might establish other relationships
• is due to
• caused by
• can be attributed to
• leading to
Next you might consider possible synonyms for the source vocabulary and
changing the part of speech (nouns to verbs, for instance).
• such as -+ like, including
• more recently -+ lately?
• devices -+ technology
• divert -+ distract, sidetrack, take away, diversion
• non-driving —+ ?
• primary sources —+ main inputs?
• necessary -+ needed, required
• saft —+ secure?
204 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Other considerations
• Is this always true? Should the claim be softened?
Finally, you are ready to try your own paraphrase.
TASK FIVE
Re-write the excerpt at the bottom of page 202 using because and
lead to, changing the vocabulary and grammar as necessary. Here
are two examples using due to.
Example: due to
Safe driving practices may be compromised due to the
presence of technology in cars that is not directly related
to vehicle operation including cell phones, music players,
and GPS.
Drivers today may fail to concentrate on the road and other
drivers due to the presence of technology such as cell phones,
music players, GPS, and other technology that is unrelated to
driving.
1. Use because
2. Use lead to
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 205
3. Write two paraphrases of this short text. Before writing, break
the task into important points, relationships, linking phrases and
connectors, and synonyms.
Passive safety systems help lessen the impact of driving
accidents. They do nothing to contribute to preventing
drivers from getting into an accident.
Important points
Relationship between the points
Linking phrases or expressions to connect the points
Possible synonyms
Paraphrase 1
Paraphrase 2
As the task suggests, paraphrasing IS hard work, particularly when it
comes to vocabulary.
206 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Careful Use of Synonyms
When using synonyms, you need to be careful about YOut choices. Not all
synonyms work equally well in all contexts. Take this example, for instance.
The system is intended to provide continuous car·following
support within a wide range of car-following situations-not
only in critical situations.
If you follow a simple synonym substitution process, you may produce
something like this.
In many kinds of car· following situations-not only in grave
situations-the system is planned to present persistent carfollowing support.
The rearrangement of the ideas is good and is an important strategy for paraphrasing. However, grave and critical are not quite similar enough in this
context. Perhaps dangerous would be a better choice here. In addition, present persistent car-following support does not work so well because the collocation (simply put, words that tend to go together) is awkward. Offir might be
a better choice.
If you need to check whether the words you want to use go together,
you can search the internet, ideally Google Scholar. To conduct your search,
place the expression of interest in quotation marks and, if you think it would
be helpful, use a wild card indicated by an asterisk (*) in the expression so
that you can capture variations of the expression. For instance, we did this
search on Google Scholar. To narrow hits to your field of study, include a
relevant term outside the quotation marks.
“the system is * to * support”
We found these interesting possibilities.
The system is designed
is configured
is built
is intended
is expected
is developed
is able
is
to provide
to deliver
support
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 207
We even found many instances of useful modification and split infinitives.
The system is designed
is configured
is built
is intended
is expected
is developed
is able
is placed
So, we can write something like this.
to fully
to directly
to unobtrusively
to optionally
support
The system is configured to provide ongoing car-following
support in many types of situations, not only those that are
identified as dangerous.
Note that the language has been substantially changed, although the sense of
the original is fully maintained. A paraphrase approach to summarizing can
be somewhat successful, but if you do this sentence by sentence for a longer
stretch of text, you run the risk of not demonstrating your full understanding of the passage. You might miss an opportunity to highlight key points.
Another possible danger is that the resulting summaty may not be original
enough and could be considered plagiarism by some.
If you (understandably) feel that your paraphrasing ability is not strong,
you can copy some material and place it in quotation marks; however, a better but more difficult strategy would be to carefully consider the elements
you have identified as important, put the original away, and write what you
have understood. This may allow you to condense the ideas in the source
even further.
208 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
To sum up, when you write a formal summary of someone else’s ideas,
you should keep in mind the following guidelines.
1. Always try to use your own words.
2. Include enough support and detail so that your message is clear.
3. Do not try to paraphrase specialized vocabulary or technical terms.
4. Make sure the summary reads smoothly. Focus on old-to-new information flow; use transition devices where necessary; and provide supporting detail. You do not want a collection of sentences that does not
flow.
5. If it is impossible to use your own words, then quote the material.
Remember, however, that too much quoting will not likely result in a
successful paper. Information ftom sources should support, but not
replace, your own ideas, interpretations, and explanations.
TASK SIX
Here is a second draft of the response to whether there is a need for
a shift in the focus of research on car safery systems. Read it and
answer the questions on page 209.
o Over the past five decades there has been a dramatic
improvement in the risks associated with driving. 0 During this
time, deaths reSUlting from driving accidents have decreased
nearly fourfold (Mulder et aI., 2011).0 Much of this improvement
has to do with appropriate safety regulations and equipment in
vehicles designed to protect drivers and their passengers (e.g.,
safety belts, air bags, and other passive safety mechanisms) (Mulder et aI., 2011). 0 This improvement, however, may begin to
diminish as drivers face new risks related to the availability of technology that is not needed for vehicle operation, but does reduce
drivers’ attention to their task. 0 This, of course, includes a variety
of devices such as music systems, mobile phones, and even GPS,
all of which, but particularly mobile phones, have been shown to
have an impact on safe driving.
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 209
(it While previous safety measures were targeted at protection and
have been highly successful, it seems now that driver distraction
needs to be addressed if the gains in safety are to be maintained
or enhanced, f) Thus, there is a need to shift the focus of safety
research to help drivers themselves be more aware of their
surroundings during the operation of their vehicles. til For instance,
drivers may not be aware that they are following a car too closely
and be unable to stop safely. 01f a car-following alert system
(Mulder et aI., 20 II) could be devised to warn drivers of the potential danger, accidents could be prevented.
1. Does the response answer the question?
2. Does the response capture good supportive information from the
source? Does the source information serve as support or does it
seem to be the focus?
3. To what extent has the author of the draft used his/her own
words?
4. How well has the draft author revealed his/her understanding of
the problem and solution?
5. Can you identify any instances of evaluation and where the
author has incorporated some ideas not found in the source? Are
these appropriate?
6. If you were to revise the draft, what would you do?
7. Write your own response to the question using the source text.
wrmm
Since many of the summaries you write will be woven into your own original text, it is very important to identify at least the source author, depending
on your field of study.
Note that when your citation style requires the use of author names, you
need to provide the family name. First names only are not used in in-text
citations since this makes it difficult for your reader to know to whom you
might be referring. One of our students chose to identify the source of the
vehicle safety text in this way.
According to Mark and his co-authors, car safety research
should be directed at preventing accidents.
,—.-
210 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
This is obviously a first attempt because a reader unfamiliar with the
source will reasonably assume that Mark is the family name and may then
look in the reference list to find the article. Mark happens to be the first
name of the first author of the car safety article and the in-text citation
would be confusing. Also, since there is more than one author in Qur example, this needs to be acknowledged. We propose the following revision.
According to Mulder et al. (2011), car safety research should
be directed at preventing accidents.
Generally, family names alone are sufficient, but occasionally, you may see
citations that include both first and last names of a single author. One reason to do this is to distinguish two authors with the same family name.
Another reason has to do with requirements of certain styles such as MLA
that may prescribe the use of an author’s full name the first time that author
is cited. Finally, another reason, for which we can offer only anecdotal evidence, is to acknowledge an author’s status in the field. Well-known figutes
in certain fields are frequently teferred to by both first and last names. Take,
for example, these sentences.
Physics
These relations arise from the energy conservation considera·
tion originally proposed by Albert Einstein.
Economics
According to John Maynard Keynes, “There is, clearly, no
absolute standard of ‘liqUidity.’”
Anthropology
Other possible models include those of the Kibbutz as
explained by Bettleheim (1969) and Kaffman (1972) or the
Samoan Village as described by Margaret Mead (1961).
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 211
~ Language Focus: Identifying the Source
Most summaries will have a sentence near the beginning that contains two
elements: the source and a main idea. Notice the use of the present tense in
many of the examples.
According to Fairchild (2011), ___ _
(main idea)
Ho and Neidell’s 2009 paper on fluoridation discusses ___ _
Bernstein (2004) states that ___ _
claims
argues
maintains
(main idea)
Barinaga (2004) suggests that ___ _
asserts
hypothesizes
states
concludes
(main idea)
Lamport [1] proposed ___ _
demonstrated
found
identified
____ was first reported in [13].
proposed
identified
given
(main idea)
You may cite your source material following APA (American Psychological Association), MLA (Modern Language Association), IEEE (Institute of
Electrical and Electronics Engineers), or another style, depending on your
212 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
field of study. The APA and MLA systems refer to a source similarly, by
author and date. The following citations are in APA style.
Reissig et al. (2009) questioned whether energy drinks are
safe.
The safety of energy drinks has not yet been established
(Reissig et aI., 2009).
In their study of energy drinks, Reissig et al. (2009) suggested that energy drinks may not be entirely safe. They
also indicated that more research is needed.
How does the citation in the second sentence differ from those in the other
two sentences?
For a thorough discussion of APA and MLA styles, see Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association and MLA Handbook for Writers
of Research Papers. In Engineering and some other fields, it may be more
common to use reference numbers.
Photorefractive crystals may be useful in the development of
high-speed electrical signals.’
Always check the style guides in your discipline to learn more abour
proper documentation. Members of a field expect writers to be familiar with
their disciplinary practices.
There is a range of reporting verbs that you may use when referring to
your source material. In fact, a srudy by Ken Hyland (1999) identified more
than 400 different reporting verbs; however, nearly 50 percent of these were
used only one time in his corpus of 80 research articles. A much smaller
number of verbs tend to predominate. In Table 15 we show the most frequently used reporting verbs from a variety of disciplines, with the most frequent on the left and the sixth most frequent on the far right. As you can
see, there are some disciplinary differences.
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 213
TABLE 15. High-Frequency Reporting Verbs
Verbs and Frequency
Discipline Rank
1 2 3 4 5 6
Harder Sciences
Biology describe find report show suggest observe
Physics develop report study find expand
Electrical Engineering propose use describe show publish develop
Mechanical Engineering describe show report discuss give develop
Epidemiology find describe suggest report examine show
Nursing find suggest report identify indicate show
Medicine show report demonstrate observe find suggest
Softer Sciences
Marketing suggest argue find demonstrate propose show
Applied linguistics suggest argue show explain find point out
Psychology find show suggest report demonstrate focus
Sociology argue suggest describe note analyze discuss
Education find suggest note report demonstrate provide
Philosophy say suggest argue claim point out think
Data for Biology, Physics, Electrical Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, Applied Linguistics, and Sociology from Hyland, K. Academic attribution: Citation and the construction of disciplinary knowledge,
Applied Linguistics 20 (1999): 341-367. Other data thanks to Carson Maynard.
t i,a
TASK SEVEN
If you have not done so already, find at least five, but preferably
more, well-written published research papers that are typical of
papers in your area of study. It does not matter whether these are
seminal papers or where the research was conducted. We simply
want you to have a small data set (a corpus) that you can analyze to
gain some insights into the important characteristics of published
work in your discipline. Choose 2 to 5 papers from your collection
(or more) and underline all the reporting verbs. If your field is represented in Table 15, do your results match with those in the table?
If your field is not represented, is there one field that is close to
yours in its use of reporting verbs?
_am] i lU% ; d,. J –
214 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
A variety of reporting verbs can be used in summary writing to reveal
your personal stance toward the source material. Notice how the reporting
verbs in the following examples could allow the writer of the summary to
convey his or her attitude.
Campbell (2010) presumes that the findings will be representative
of the whole population ….
The authors speculate that people who scrap their old cars will
immediately buy another, new(er) car.
Notice also how the addition of an adverb (in mid-position, of course)
can even more clearly reveal your stance, which you may want to do when
writing to critique.
The authors incorrectlv assume that patients will always take
the medicine that has been prescribed.
TASK EIGHT
Some reporting verbs are less objective than others. Can you identifY
which verbs in the table seem to be objective and which verbs have
the potential to be evaluative? The first one has been done for you.
Objective Evaluative
describe x
recommend
claim
assume
contend
propose
theorize
support
examine
Ens H Wi?P :
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 215
In formal academic English, many reporting verbs are followed by a that
clause conraining both a subject and a verb. Can you identifY the verbs in
the table that are not followed by that? List rhem.
That clauses have a variety of functions. In the following sentence, the
that clause is the direct object of the verb state.
Benfield and Howard (2000) state that many medical journals
are now published in English because of a desire to attract
greater readership and to attract better, more international
manuscripts.
In spoken English, that in clauses that function as direct objects is often
omitted, as in the next example. Notice also that in the spoken English alternative, the choice of the verb said is less formal.
Benfield and Howard (2000) said a lot of medical journals are
published in English now because they want to attract greater
readership and to attract better, more international manuscripts.
You may have wondered why we have not said anything about the verb
mention to refer to your source, If you were to llse mention instead of one of
the other verbs suggested, you would greatly change the importance of the
information that follows.
Benfield and Howard (2000) mention that many medical journals are now published in English because of a desire to
attract greater readership and to attract better, more international manuscripts.
Mention is used for information that was most likely given without detail or
support. The example sentence using mention makes it seem as if the reason
journals are now published in English is a minor point in the article. We
suggest that you avoid using mention in summaries, unless the point is truly
a minor one. A better choice here would be note.
1
%
“I
!
216 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK NINE
Here are some citation statements that students wrote in a
discussion of the benefits of caffeinated energy drinks using the
passage in Task One of this unit. Which, if any, would you prefer
to have written? Why? Edit the weaker sentences.
1. Author Chad Reissig and colleagues state that how caffeine
content in energy drinks may be hazardous to our health.
2. “Caffeinated Energy Drinks-A Growing Problem” by Reissig
et al. claims that the caffeine and other components in energy
drinks consumed may be a health hazard.
3. According to “Caffeinated Energy Drinks-A Growing Problem,” Chad Reissig and colleagues suggest that research is
needed to understand the effect of caffeine and other components in energy drinks.
4. Reissig et al. mention that energy drink consumprion is growing
rapidly.
5. Reissig and colleagues said in their article energy drinks might
be harmful.
~ Language Focus: Summary Reminder Phrases
In a longer summary, you may want to remind your reader that you are
summanzmg:
The author goes on to say that … .
The article further states that … .
[Authors’ surnames here] also state/maintain/argue that ….
[Authors’ surnames here] also believe that … .
[Authors’ surnames here] conclude that … .
In the second half of the paper, [author’s surname here]
presents ….
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 217
In fact, if your summary is quite long, you may want to mention the
source author’s name at different points in your summary-the beginning,
the middle, and/or the end. When you mention the authot in the middle Ot
end of the summary, be sure to use the surname only.
Reissig et al. go on to describe … .
The author further argues that … .
Some of the following sentence connectors may be useful in introducing
additional information.
additionally
in addition to
TASK TEN
also
forthermore
forther
moreover
Look back at the student text in Task Six on pages 208-209. Would
you insert a reminder phrase? If so, where? Now read these summary reminder sentences written by our students. Which, if any, of
these would you prefer to have written? Try to improve the weaker
sentences.
I. Reissig et al. (2009) finally say that we need more research.
2. In addition, the article also discusses the caffeine levels.
3. In Reissig et a!.’s (2009) article, they also point out that no
one knows the long-term effects of caffeine and the other
components.
4. Reissig and colleagues (2009) conclude that current research is
insufficient.
5. Reissig and others (2009) conclude about the current risks that
exist.
Sometimes you may want to capture only the main idea{s) of a soutce. In
this case, you might choose some specific information or you may recast the
source material so that it is more general than in its original form.
218 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
21b
TASK ELEVEN
Read “Improving the Environment in Urban Areas” and try to
determine the text-type. Then read the texts that follow. Decide
which you think is most successful at supporting the point that
urban planners can have a positive effect on the environment. Write
one or two sentences after each text, explaining what you like Of
dislike. Then discuss each with a partuer.
Improving the Environment in Urban Areas:
The Role of Urban Planners
o Recently, increasingly significant problems regarding urban
sprawl, greenhouse gas emissions from vehicles, and the loss
of open, green areas have become the focus of urban planners.
8 To address some of these concerns, many countries, especially
developed countries, have devised technology to control harmful
vehicle emissions. 0 However, as these countries already have
an abundance of vehicles that continues to grow in number, the
efficacy of these measures is diminished. “Since cars and other
vehicles create more air pollution than any other human activity,
the most effective means to reduce pollution is to shift the reliance
on automobiles towards other modes of transportation. 0 One way
to achieve this goal is for urban planners to focus on transit ori’
ented development (TOO). 0 TOO generally refers to higher·density
urban development that places pedestrians in the center so that
they have easy access to environmentally friendly travel modes
such as light rail. e TOO land use strategies, for instance, encour·
age construction of public transit stations and stops in convenient
locations near homes and entertainment that will promote their
use. 01n addition to a reduction in vehicle use, TOO can have
other energy and environmental benefits in terms of housing devel·
opment and workplace efficiency improvements. 0 TOO requires
less land than does standard development, which can lead to
preservation of farmland and green areas as well as lower energy
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 219
use. CD Specifically, suburban TOO dwelling units and offices may
be more energy efficient because they are smaller than those in
standard suburban spaces. CD TOO dwellings also have shared walls
as in the case of townhouses and may consist of multi·family build·
ings and multi·story offices. e Because they have fewer exposed
surfaces and therefore less exterior heat loss, such structures are
typically more energy efficient than individual single·family
dwellings or one-story buildings.
Yasufumi Iseki, some editing
1. According to Yasufumi Iseki, TOD is a form of urban planning
that can effectively protect the environment.
2. Iseki maintains that cars and other vehicles create more pollution
than any other activity; thus, decreasing the number of vehicles
is the most effective way to improve the environment in urban
areas. Another way to decrease pollution is to design smaller,
more environmentally friendly dwellings. These improvements
may be possible by implementing a form of strategic development of public transit known as transit oriented development
(TOD).
3. Iseki states that the number of cars and other vehicles in urban
areas needs to be reduced to improve the urban environment.
This reduction could be achieved through transit oriented
development (TOD).
4. Iseki claims that urban planning can playa role in improving
urban environments by prompting a shift away from heavy
vehicle use. Although this will be difficult to achieve because
of the overabundance of vehicles in developed countries, it is
worth pursuing.
5. According to Iseki, transit oriented development (TOD) can
help solve environmental problems such as urban air pollution
by providing city dwellers transportation that is convenient and
by encouraging the design of smaller, more energy efficient
dwellings.
t: 2 iJ!J
220 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK TWELVE
Think of a topic in which you have some interest and then find
an article on that topic. Create a yes-no question that could be
answered using the information from the article. If you need some
examples, review the yes-no questions in Task One on page 193.
Syntheses of More than One Source
Writing tasks that require you to deal with more than one source are common in many graduate courses, They can be assignments on their own, part
of a longer paper, or a response to an examination question. Such summaries
can be more challenging to write than simple summaries because they
require you to analyze and use information from two or more sources that
may overlap, slightly differ, or contradict each other. When working with
multiple sources, you often need to infer and make explicit the relationships
among them. In doing so, you can reveal your understanding of a line of
inquiry in your field together with the accepted knowledge and the debates.
TASK THIRTEEN
The following are questions from the fields of Neurobiology,
Economics, and Epidemiology. How would you approach each
of these tasks? What do you think are the instructor’s expectations?
1. What do A1kon and Farley believe the role of serotonin to be in
memory? In what ways do they fundamentally differ? How are
they similar? Is one perspective more comprehensive than the
other?
2. How do Winder & Gori and Agran view the political implications of recent evidence regarding occupational cancers?
3. Relate Kohl and Jaworski’s recent article “Market Orientation:
The Construct, Research Propositions, and Managerial Implications” to product and service qualiry. Consider the perspectives
of Juran, Feigenbaum, Deming, and Crosby. What common
themes emerge, and how do they differ?
5: WRITING SUMMARIES 221
4. Recent studies have examined the suitability of vatious agriculturally derived fuel oils as alternatives to petroleum products.
Straight Vegetable Oil (SYO) studies in particulat have generated
interest because of the potential benefits of SYO as a possible
replacement for Diesel #2 in some engines. One common
problem is that most SYO has a much higher viscosity than
diesel. Discuss the nature of this problem and the current
approaches to dealing with it. Is there one approach that looks
more promising than the others?
5. Construct a similar task for your own field of study, based on
the question you created in Task Twelve. How would you plan
to answer it? Be prepared to explain your task and plan in class.
TASK FOURTEEN
Students in an Acoustics course were asked to write a paper on
unpleasant sounds, one section of which was required to discuss
why certain sounds ate considered highly unpleasant. This, of
course, required the use of previous studies. Read this first drafi of
the section and mark the instructor comments on pages 222-223 as
reasonable (R) or unreasonable (U). If you ate uusure, indicate this
with a question mark (?).
1. 0 In 1986 Halpern, Blake, and Hillenbrand investigated how
people respond to different terrible sounds. 81n one experiment, listeners rated the unpleasantness of different sounds.
8 Participants generally agreed that the worst sound was
that of a garden tool scraped on a piece of slate shaped into a
roofing tile, which sounds similar to fingernails scraped on
a traditional blackboard. 0 The researchers found that the
negative reaction to the sound could mainly be found in a
band of 2-4 kHz.
o Also in 1986, Blake did a study of a scraping noise,
comparing its sound wave with that of monkey warning cries.
o The waveforms of the two were quite similar. 8 Because of
this similarity, Blake concluded that humans react negatively
to scraping noises because they still have some innate reaction
222 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
mechanism from their ancient ancestors. 8 In other words,
humans still have the same response mechanism as monkeys
who hear a warning cry.
CD McDermott and Hauser in 2004 explored reactions of
humans and a type of monkey known as a tamarin to scraping
sounds and screeching, respectively. ~ They also examined their
reactions to some white noise. G) The humans clearly preferred
white noise to scraping, while the tamarins reacted to this noise
as negatively as they did to screeching.
4D In 2008 Cox conducted an experiment of scraping sounds
in which participants had both audio and visual inputs. G) The
goal was to determine whether the sound and visualizing how
it feels to make the sound were in some way related. ~ Cox
found that the sound of scraping fingernails on a blackboard
was perceived as much worse when participants were shown
a picture of a hand on a blackboard. 4D He concluded that
visualizing the making of the sound, a process that is unpleasant, is a significant factor in the perception of unpleasantness.
Instructor Comments
I think 1 RTI >1
Increasing (with (with no
Team Size self-citations) self-citations)
Nfields Nfields % Nfields % Nfields %
Science and engineering 171 170 99.4 167 97.7 159 92.4
Socia! sciences 54 54 100.0 54 100.0 51 94.4
Arts and humanities 27 24 88.9 23 85.2 18 66.7
Patents 36 36 100 32 88.9 – –
For the three broad lSI categories and fur patents, we counted the number (N) and percentage (%)
of subficlds that show (i) larger team sizes in the last 5 yeats compared to the first 5 years and (ii)
RTI measures larger than 1 in the laH 5 years. We show RTI measures both with and without selfcitations removed in calculating the citations received. Dash entries indicate data not applicable.
social sciences, 88.9% of the 27 subfields in the humanities, and
100% of the 36 subfields in patenting have seen increased teamwork.
Trends for individual fields are presented in Table S 1. In the sciences, areas like medicine, biology, and physics have seen at least
a doubling in mean team size over the 45-year period. Surprisingly,
even mathematics, long thought the domain of the loner scientist
and least dependent of the hard sciences on lab scale and capitalintensive equipment, showed a marked increase in the fraction of
work done in teams, from 19% to 57%, with mean team size rising
from 1.22 to 1.84. In the social sciences, psychology, economics,
and political science show enormous shifts toward teamwork,
sometimes doubling or tripling the propensity for teamwork. With
regard to average team size, psychology, the closest of the social
sciences to a lab science, has the highest growth (75.1 %), whereas
political science has the lowest (16.6%). As reflected in Fig. 1 A, the
humanities show lower growth rates in the fraction of publications
done in teams, yet a tendency toward increased teamwork is still
observed. All areas of patents showed a positive change in both
the fraction of papers done by teams and the team size, with only
small variations across the areas of patenting, suggesting that the
6: WRITING CRITIQUES
Figure 1. The Growth olTeams
100
cJ 80
A
E c.,.._r
c
i
_ Sc~nce & Engineering
Social Sciences
– Arts & Humanities
……. Patents
4
~
• 3 Jl!
Q)
.il!
en
2:;
Q)
E
o 1
1960 1970 1980 1990 2000 1960 1970 1980 1990 2000
years
253
These plots present changes over time in the fraction of papers and patents written in teams (A)
and in mean team size (B). Each line represents the arithmetic average taken over all subfields in
each year.
conditions favoring teamwork in patenting are largely similar
across subfields.
Our measure of impact was the number of citations each paper
and patent receives. which has been shown to correlate with
research quality (1 5-1 7) and is frequently used in promotion and
funding reviews (18). Highly cited work was defined as receiving
more than the mean number of citations for a given field and year
(19). Teams produced more highly cited work in each broad area of
research and at each paint in time.
To explore the relationship between teamwork and impact in
more detail. we defined the relative team impact (RTI) for a given
time period and field. RTI is the mean number of citations received
by team-authored work divided by the mean number of citations
received by solo-authored work. A RTI greater than 1 indicates that
teams produce more highly cited papers than solo authors and vice
versa for RTI less than 1. When RTI is equal to 1, there is no differ·
ence in citation rates for team· and solo-authored papers. In our
data set, the average RTI was greater than 1 at all points in time
and in all broad research areas: sciences and engineering, social
sciences, humanities, and patents. In other words, there is a broad
tendency for teams to produce more highly cited work than individual authors. Further, RTI is rising with time. For example, in sciences and engineering, team-authored papers received 1.7 times as
254 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
many citations as solo-authored papers in 1955 but 2.1 times the
citations by 2000. Similar upward trends in relative team impact
appear in sciences and engineering, social science, and arts and
humanities and more weakly in patents, although the trend is still
upward (20). During the early periods, solo authors received substantially more citations on average than teams in many subfields,
especially within sciences and engineering (Fig. 2E) and social
sciences (Fig. 2F).
Figure 2. The Relative Impact of Teams
Science Arts
& Social &
Engineering Sciences Humanities
B c
year
Patents
o
~ all _ >8verage
H Teams
receive more
citations
receive more
citatlohs
(A to D) Mean team size comparing all papers and patents with those that received more citations
than average in the relevant subfield. (E to H) The RTI, which is the mean number of citations
received by team-authored work divided by the mean number of citations received by 5010-
authored work. A ratio of 1 indicates that team- and solo-authored work have equivalent impact
on average. Each point represents the RTI for a given subfield and year, whereas the black lines
present the arithmetic average in a given year.
By the end of the period, however, there are almost no subfields
in sciences and engineering and social sciences in which solo
authors typically receive more citations than teams. Table S 1 details
RTls for major individual research areas, indicating that teams currently have a nearly universal impact advantage. In a minority of
cases, RTls declined with time (e.g., -34.4% in mathematics and
6: WRITING CRITIQUES
-25.7% in education), although even here teams currently have a
large advantage in citations received (e.g., 67% more average
citations in mathematics and 105% in education).
The citation advantage of teams has also been increasing with
time when teams of fixed size are compared with solo authors.
255
In science and engineering, for example, papers with two authors
received 1.30 times more citations than solo authors in the 19505
but 1.74 times more citations in the 1990s. In general, this pattern
prevails for comparisons between teams of any fixed size versus
solo authors (Table 54).
A possible challenge to the validity of these observations is the
presence of self-citations, given that teams have opportunities to
self-cite their work more frequently than a single author. To address
this, we reran the analysis with all self-citations removed from the
data set (21). We found that removing self-citations can produce
modest decreases in the RTI measure in some fields; for example,
RTls fell from 3.10 to 2.87 in medicine and 2.30 to 2.13 in biology
(Table 51). Thus, removing self-citations can reduce the RTI by 5 to
10%, but the relative citation advantage of teams remains essentially intact.
Because the progress of knowledge may be driven by a small
number of key insights (22), we further test whether the most
extraordinary concepts, results, and technologies are the province
of solitary scientists or teams. Pooling all papers and patents
within the four research areas, we calculated the frequency distribution of citations to solo-authored and team-authored work,
comparing the first 5 years and last 5 years of our data. If these
distributions overlap in their right-hand tails, then a solo-authored
paper or patent is just as likely as a team-authored paper or patent
to be extraordinarily highly cited.
Our results show that teams now dominate the top of the citation
distribution in all four research domains (Fig. 3, A to D). In the
early years, a solo author in science and engineering or the social
sciences was more likely than a team to receive no citations, but a
solo author was also more likely to garner the highest number of
citations, that is, to have a paper that was singularly influential.
256 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
However, by the most recent period, a team-authored paper has a
higher probability of being extremely highly cited. For example,
a team-authored paper in science and engineering is currently 6.3
times more likely than a solo- authored paper to receive at least
1000 citations. Lastly, in arts and humanities and in patents, individuals were never more likely than teams to produce more-influential work. These patterns also hold when self-citations are removed
(Fig. 55).
figure 3. Exceptional Research
1001:T”….,r-,–r–r-T.:I
o
~
0.1
0 1 10 100 100010000
to to to to &
9 99 999 9999 more
.8 ~
~–..:~-
0
D II~ first 5 years
IIHIIlast 5 years
1 10 100 100010000
to to to to &
9 99 999 9999 more
no. citations received
Pooling all publications and patents within the four research categories, we calculated frequency
distributions of citations received. Separate distributions are calculated for single authors and for
teams, and the ratio is plotted. A ratio greater than 1 indicates that a team-authored paper had a
higher probability of producing the given range of citations than a solo-authored paper. Ratios
are compared for the early period (first 5 years of available data) and late period (last 5 years of
available data) for each research category, sciences and engineering (A), social sciences (B), arts
and humanities (C), and patents (D).
[Last page omitted]
Copyright American Association for the Advancement of Science. Used with permission.
r –
6: WRITING CRITIQUES 257
While it is possible to evaluate an article without reference to other published work or course material, your evaluation may be improved if you consider the ideas or findings of others. To demonstrate, we now turn to Task
Eleven.
7i
TASK ElEVEN
Now that you have read and analyzed the article on team and individual production of knowledge, consider the following opinions on
the topic. As you read, mark each as reasonable (R) or unreasonable
(U). If you are unsure, indicate this with a question mark (?). To
what extent, if any; do some of these claims influence your opinion
of the article? Is your opinion now more or less favorable?
1. “Beyond individual interests and motivation of individual
scientists, teamwork and scientific collaboration is one of
the characteristics of ‘big science’ (Price, 1966). Of
course, in inter- and cross-disciplinary areas, where
scientists from different fields are jointly doing research,
intensive collaboration is expected (see Glanzel et al.,
2003).” (Glanzel et al., 2009)
2. Cronin (2003) argues that in many science disciplines
fraud and honorific authorship have become a matter
of concern.
3. “Suppressed, fraud, honorific, hyper-authorship or even
‘mandatory? authorship, e.g., of supervisors’, questions
the possibility of fixing the degree of the individual
co-authors’ contribution to the paper (Cronin, 2001),
and may raise the question: Co-authorship-who’s
contributing?” (Glanzel, 2008)
4. Research by Persson et al. (2004) revealed that the increase
in the number of co-authors on papers is outpacing the
growth in the number of publications indexed in the
Science Citation Index (SCI) database. This expansion in
co-authorship indicates that the network of collaboration
is becoming more concentrated and co-authorship
is gradually becoming more intense.
258 ACADEMIC WRITING FDR GRADUATE STUDENTS
__ 5. “Research co-operation is certainly a necessary and positive phenomenon in the era of ‘big science’ but the
notion of collaboration as a recipe for guaranteed success
remains a myth.” (GHinzel, 2008)
6. “Collectivisation is typically associated with big-science
projects and hence with big, expensive apparatus. Here
the danger is that the team, or the apparatus, takes over
priority (socially as well as epistemically) from the individual scientist.” (Kragh, 2001)
7. “When average productivity is plotted against mean
cooperativeness, field specific patterns can usually be
observed: Productivity increases first with co-operativeness until a field specific threshold is reached; beyond
this level, correlation turns negative. This threshold value
ranges depending on subject peculiarities from 1-2 in
mathematics, over 3-4 in chemistry, to 5-6 co-authors
in neurosciences and biomedical research.” (Glanzel and
Schubert, 2004)
8. “The fact that a paper is less frequently cited or even
still uncited several years after publication provides information about its reception but does not reveal anything
about its quality or the standing of its author(s). Uncited
papers by Nobel Prize winners may just serve as an
example.” (Glanzel, 2008)
9. Self-citation has little impact on how important a paper
is. (Glanzel, 2008)
6: WRITING CRITIQUES
TASK TWELVE
We want you to start thinking about what you could write in a critique of the excerpt from “The Increasing Dominance of Teams in
the Production of Knowledge.” List three or four evaluative comments that you could make about the article. Discuss them with a
partner. Keep in mind that you are not being asked to give your
opinion on whether teamwork does in fact lead to better research
and higher-quality papers. Focus on the article and the quality of
the research, using your responses from Tasks Ten and Eleven as a
guide.
259
“”, __ i”,J_: ___ 01& il!QlililGlIl’;&@[iWillltl&ffi§illl::_”’. ______ Iill’””’ _________ _
In a critique, you may want to express criticism by saying what the author
should have done bur did not do. Here is one example of this.
This was a well·written review of current information, but the
connection between nutrient stress, secondary compounds,
and herbivory rates in wetland plants could have received
greater coverage.
For the text on team or individual scholarship, you could make this
observation.
The paper would have been somewhat more relevant, if the
authors had used a better measure to determine authorship.
260 ACADEMIC WRITING FDR GRADUATE STUDENTS
~ Language Focus: Unreal Conditionals
Here are two additional examples of unreal conditional statements.
This article would have been more persuasive if the author had
related the findings to previous work on the topic.
It would have been better if the authors had given their main
findings in the form of a table.
Past Unreal Conditionals
Notice the structure of these conditionals:
noun modal + past comparative noun past adverbial or
phrase have participle expression if phrase had participle complement
The images would been more if they had been in color.
have informative
The might changed if substantial had occurred.
resolution have Joule
of the gel heating
material
The would been more if it had been immediately
damage have accurate done after the
assessment earthquake.
These conditionals refer to an unreal situation in the past. Past unreal
conditionals are common in critiques because the texts being critiqued have
already been put into final form-either published or turned in. There is no
opportunity to revise the text in light of the criticism because the time frame
is closed. Since these conditionals express something that is impossible or
contrary to fact, linguists and philosophers often call them counterfoctuals.
In a critique, the ifclause in the past unreal conditional often occurs second.
Why is this so?
Present Unreal Conditionals
Present unreal conditionals, on the other hand, describe a hypothetical situation in the present. In these, the simple past tense forms are used. In a consultation with your writing instructor, you may have heard a sentence such
as this.
Your paper would be stronger if you included some additional
information.
6: WRITING CRITIQUES 261
In this example, it seems that thete may still be a possibility for revisions
Of improvements. However, in the case of a published paper, sentences such
as this may appear in a literature review.
It would have been helpful if the authors had provided information about the patients who were screened, but not included in
the study.
These types of sentences are sometimes called contrary to foct or hypothetical conditionals. In the second sentence, we can assume no possibility for
revision exists.
&JZ£ ldG. ;1I
TASK THIRTEEN
Consider these situations and comment on how they might have
turned out differently. Use an unreal conditional. The first one has
been done for you.
1. A bad presentation
My presentation would have been better if I had spent less
time on basic concepts.
2. A bad grade on an examination or paper
3. A missed deadline
4. An unsuccessful meeting with an advisor or a committee
5. A rejected paper or conference proposal
£ d
262 ACADEMIC WRITING FDR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Now notice the italicized verb forms in these sample sentences.
The author should have provided more data about her sample.
Although this is an interesting and important paper, the authors
could have given more attention to the fact that their model of
consumer choice is based entirely on U.S. data.
Notice that should expresses a strongly negative comment, while could is
less strong. Should have is a criticism, could have is more a suggestion, and
might have is a weak suggestion. The use of could and might in unreal conditionals also reminds us that it is important to make your points with an
appropriate amount of strength. Criticisms that are too strong and lack supporr will not help you position yourself, nor will evaluative comments that
are expressed in too weak a manner.
~ Language Focus: Evaluative Language Revisited
As you already know, the different parts of speech can be used for evaluation.
Nouns: success failure
Verbs: succeed foil
Adjectives:
Adverbs:
successfol
successfolly
unsuccessfol
unsuccessfolly
For instance, you could write variations of these two claims.
Verbs
The article succeeds in demonstrating how bio-gas has
improved daily life in Nepal.
The article fails to serve teachers who clearly need to make
much more complex judgments about their students than the
four stage model implies.
Adverbs
The article successfully demonstrates how bio-gas has
improved daily life in Nepal.
Early papers unsuccessfully attempted to use cross·section
distributions of accident counts to distinguish between true
and spurious state dependence.
6: WRITING CRITIQUES
Adjectives
The protocol described in the paper is successful at accurately
tracking randomly moving targets over a wide range of speed.
The article is unsuccessful at convincing readers of the benefits
of new taxes on all-electric vehicles to compensate for shortfalls in the federal highway budget.
Note the difference in the strength of claim in these two versions.
Early papers unsuccessfullv attempted to use cross-section
distributions of accident counts to distinguish between true
and spurious state dependence.
Early papers failed to use cross-section distributions of
accident counts to distinguish between true and spurious
state dependence.
263
Sometimes, we can make contrasting pairs of adjectives. The pairing of a
positive and a negative can certainly soften the criticism.
In this ambitious, but flawed study, the authors attempt to
show that domesticated animals are in some way just as
responsible as automobiles for our current CO, imbalance.
In this flawed, but ambitious study, the authors attempt to
show that domesticated animals are in some way just as
responsible as automobiles for our current CO, imbalance.
Notice how the emphasis changes depending on the information you place
first. Can you create three other suitable combinations?
In addition to pairing adjectives, you can also make other pairings using
other linking words and phrases, especially those used to express adversativity (see Unit One).
Although the author suggests that journal articles written in languages other than English may have limited impact, he fails to
recognize that they may be important at the regional level.
The author suggests that journal articles written in languages
other than English may have limited impact; however, he fails
to recognize that they may be important at the regional level.
Despite the many interesting citations in support of his view,
the citations are dated and are not likely meaningful today.
264 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK FOURTEEN
Rate the adjectives using the scale. Use the sample sentence to guide
your decision.
++ very positive + positive 0 neutral! ambiguous – negative – – very negative
In this ____ study, the authors attempt to show that
domesticated animals are in some way just as responsible as
automobiles for our current C02 imbalance.
unusual limited ambitious modest
small restricted __ important flawed
useful __ significant innovative __ interesting
careful __ competent __ impressive __ elegant
__ simple traditional __ complex small scale
__ exploratory remarkable __ preliminary __ unsatisfactory
; 1 W j HI TIWifm – w: ” @j
Evaluative Adjectives across Disciplines
&ill
Classes composed of students from several disciplines do not always agree
about these adjectives listed in Task Fourteen. This is fully understandable.
Take the case of the simplelcomplex contrast. Students in the sciences and
medicine, for example, think of simple as a positive and complex as a negative. For such students, simple equals “well planned” or “clearly designed,”
and complex equals “confused” or “messy.) In contrast, social scientists
equate simple with “unsophisticated” and complex with “sophisticated.”
In an interesting study (note the evaluative adjective!), Becher (1987)
surveyed adjectives of praise and blame among historians, sociologists, and
physicists in Britain and the United States. He found considerable differences among the three groups. Although the preferences listed in Table 17
only indicate general tendencies, they are quite revealing.
6: WRITING CRITIQUES 265
TABLE 17. Adjectives of Praise and Blame among Historians. Sociologists.
and Physicists in Britain and the United States
Good Work Average Work Poor Work
Humanities scholarly sound thin
original
Social sciences perceptive scholarly anecdotal
rigorous
Physics elegant accurate sloppy
economical
Becher, 1987. Copyright Taylor & Francis. Used with permission.
List some typical evaluative adjectives (both good and bad) used in your
field. What about neat or kludgy. for example?
Critical Reading
The discussion so far has strongly pointed to the need to engage in critical
reading combined with critical thinking about both what is given in a text
and what is not. Also important is your evaluation of how the text delivers
its message. Critical reading is more rhan simply reading carefully. As we
have pointed out. your reading should allow you to evaluate other work by
making inferences and interpretations. This involves taking into account
what you already know. have read. or perhaps have recently learned in a
course. By synthesizing all of these elements you can reveal not only what
you know. but also what you think about published work in relation to some
reasonable criteria.
As you read critically and formulate your evaluation. it is also important
to be fair. After all. being seen as fair and reasonable is part of graduate student positioning. For example, it may not be fair to criticize the teamwork
article for not looking at whether the teams consisted of mostly men or
women. For one, the paper was clear about its focus on the broader issue of
teams and, for another, trying to determine gender on the basis of author
name would likely be extremely difficult. if not impossible. in some
instances. This is not to say that team characteristics are not worthy of investigation; it would, in fact, be reasonable to suggest this as a way to extend
this line of inquiry.
266 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
To be fair in your evaluation also keep in mind the genre you are dealing with. Our expectations for a conference abstract are, of course, different
from those for a research paper and should again be different for a short
communication. In a short communication, such as the teamwork article,
authors cannot be expected to provide all the background information readers might require to have a complete understanding of the issue. We would,
however, expect a full article to provide significantly more detail.
•
TASK FIFTEEN
Here are some comments on the teamwork excerpt that were made
by some of our students. Discuss the comments and consider
whether they would contribute to a fair critique and to author positioning. Mark the points that you think would be worthwhile to
include in a critique with a check mark (,f). Remember that even if
a comment is fair, it may not be worth including in a critique.
1. The number of articles included in the study seems large
enough to support the conclusions.
2. The article is written in a style that is easy to follow.
3. We do not know where the patent data comes from. It
might ouly be the U.S. patents.
4. There is a lot of information in the supplement that we
cannot easily see. The supplement information should be
in the article.
5. The definition of self-citation does not seem quite right.
Maybe the way this is defined influences the results.
6. I think the fignres are hard to read.
7. The authors looked only at the Institute for Scientific
Information (lSI) Web of Science database and patent
records, so they might have missed a lot of work that is
not recorded in these two places.
8. The research seems to have been carefully done.
6: WRITING CRITIQUES
9. I do not understand why the authors looked at humanities Of, I should really say, the arts. Do artists or creative
writers work in teams to produce published work?
267
10. I think the authors should have looked at the country of
origin of the papers to see whether the impact of teams is
stronger in one part of the world or another.
Do you have any other criticisms of the teamwork article that you
consider fair and reasonable? Work in a group to come up with at
least two more. Be prepared to offer them to the class.
SJj 3 XQiiJiZG
While negative criticism is to be expected, thinking only negatively is
probably ill-advised. Mter all, instructors rarely choose articles for critiquing because they think they are worthless. Further, you do not want to
give the impression that you are only a “hatchet” person-someone who is
unable to find anything positive and does nothing but criticize. If you do
offer a largely negative critique, consider offering something positive with
the negative.
The provide a small piece of
authors research
on
However, the study suffers from
exhibits
can be criticized on
raises
an topic.
interesting
a number of limitations.
several weaknesses.
several counts
as many questions as it
answers.
To be fair, negative criticism of a short communication (see Unit Seven),
should perhaps be qualified (see Unit Four). Here is an example.
However, at least in its current form, the study apparentlv
suffers from a number of limitations.
TASK SIXTEEN
Write a draft of your own critique of the teamwork excerpt in Task
Ten.
r Z iJJM z£ i 2 j
268 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
~) ~ Language Focus: Beginning the Critique
Most likely you will begin your evaluation of an article with a summary. After
the summary, you then need to make a transition into your analysis. Finding
just the right sentence to begin your critique can indeed be a challenge. We
read through several commentaries (critiques) published in Behavioral and
Brain Sciences, one of the growing number of journals that publishes expert
responses to manuscripts. We found some very interesting opening sentences,
which we have transformed into skeletal sentences for you.
[Authors’ names] present a plausible case that … Less
adequate is their discussion of ….
[Authors’ names] take on the difficult task of ….
Unfortunately, …
[Authors’ names] present an important discussion of ….
Although we may not agree on all the issues raised in the
article, we praise the authors for ….
The article by [author name] is an ambitious feat of synthesis,
encompassing diverse theories of …. This effort, however, is
not fully successful.
[Authors’ names] have written an important and timely article
on …. Despite its many strengths there are a number of
small, but important, weaknesses.
[Authors’ names] present a compelling argument for … ;
however, …
While the authors’ position that … is attractive, there are a
number of weaknesses in this concept.
Published commentaries (also referred to as reactions, comments) responses}
or discussions) can be extremely interesting, as they often highlight key
debates within your field. Do you know of a journal in your field that publishes them? If you can find and examine such a journal, you will see the
large difference in style between the research article and the commentary.
6: WRITING CRITIQUES 269
I @ Language Focus: Inversions
You already know that English usually requires an inverted word order for
questions. You also probably know that a different word order is required if
a “negative” word is used to open a sentence.
Not only has the author presented some valuable new information. he has also presented it in a very clear and coherent
manner.
In no case do the authors provide any statistical information
about their results.
Notice how the auxiliary verb precedes the subject. as in a question. Now
look at this statement, first inverted, and then in normal word order.
Particularly prominent were functional strategies ….
Functional strategies . .. were particularly prominent.
This kind of inversion. even with simple adjectives or participles. is quite
common in poetry (Broken was the sword of the king). However. in academic
English, it only occurs with expressions that are emphatic (e.g .• particularly)
or comparative (e.g., even more). The inversion is a strong highlighting
device and should only be used for special emphasis. as when we want to
single out one result/fault/problem/virtue from many others.
!Ii § II i 2 £&43 q
TASK SEVENTEEN
Complete the following inversions.
Example: Particularly interesting
1.
2.
3.
4.
Particularly interesting was the way in which Cheng introduced
sociological ideas about the influence of older scientists on
younger scientists.
Especially notable
Much less expected
Especially noteworthy
Of greater concern
; i g IT ”
1
270 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
7TT ill 7. ’77f r ,
TASK EIGHTEEN
Write a critique of a paper from your own field. Consider beginning
with a brief summary. Make sure tbat tbere is a good fit between
your summary and critique.
Reaction Papers
Throughout this book, we have placed strong emphasis on academic style.
We will continue to do so in Units Seven and Eight. However, in this section of Unit Six we would like to introduce you to a kind of critique that
permits-and encourages-a more personal and informal style of writing:
reaction or response papers. Reaction papers may be more common in the
U.S. than elsewhere.
Reaction papers encourage students to draw on their own experiences,
feelings, and ideas as well as to make methodological and analytic comments
in relation to, for instance, a talk Of a written text. When writing these
papers students sometimes consider these questions.
• What was the text or the talk about?
• Who wrote the text or gave the talk?
• What was tbe main message of the text or the talk?
• How do you feel about what you read or heard?
• What impressions did the text or talk have on you?
• What do you agree or disagree with?
• How does what you read or heard relate to the course in which the
reaction paper was assigned?
• Can you identifY with or do you see yourself in what you read or
heard?
International students can often have an advantage here because they
can incorporate observations and experiences that reflect their own special
backgrounds, although this genre may be completely new to them and be
particularly challenging to write. Often, the comments in a reaction paper
will open instructors’ eyes to new thoughts and ideas on a topic.
6: WRITING CRITIQUES
TASK NINETEEN
Read these two short student reactions to the teamwork text given
in Task Ten and answer the questions on page 273. We have numbered independent clauses as sentences for ease of discussion. Consider which of the two reaction papers you would prefer to have
written and which would likely appeal to an instructor.
A.
Personal Reaction: “The Increasing Dominance of
Teams in Production of Knowledge”
o The article “The Increasing Dominance of Teams in Production
of Knowledge” discusses the impact of teams, as opposed to
individuals, on the production of research today. 0 A team of
researchers themselves, the writers convey the idea that unless
one is the next Einstein, Kant, or Newton, one’s individual genius
is not on par with a combined effort. 0 From my experience, this
can be true; 0 for example, if I am schooled in syntax and my
partner in semantics, our exploration of the interface of the two
will be significantly improved by our coordination.
271
41> However, as a leader, a perfectionist, and a person who
focuses best alone, I have found that coordination of effort can
have its drawbacks. 0 When working in teams, I often find myself
doing all of the work, having to redo all of the work, or spending
so much time getting others to do their work that our output is
worse than if I had done it myself. 0 And while I have had my
share of successful team efforts, I have always found it difficult to
decide how my team should go about it; Ii) if each person is
assigned one portion, one runs the risk of losing potential ingenuity
in a team member’s portion and missing something fundamental
about one’s own. 0 And if everyone does the same thing and then
reconvenes, it is often the case that the most dominant personality,
rather than the most competent work, survives.
272 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
• Although the research shows that teams are exponentially
being cited more than individuals, I would argue that in some cases,
two heads are not better than one, but rather double the work.
Kohlee Kennedy
B.
Response: Group Work
o Personally, I find that in linguistics, the classic approach of
“armchair linguistics” is often applied to my work in that I rarely
work in groups. @ However, when I do find a class or assignment
where teamwork is required, it is often time that is not fulfilling .
• Most of the time is spent on organizing when the team will
meet, who will do what; e and more than likely, one or more members will not pull their weight and will drag the overall performance of the group dynamic down. 0 For instance, I had a group
project my freshman year of college that involved a brief presentation and a paper for a psychology course. (it My teammates, while
claiming to be good students, did practically none of the work, and
the work that they did was subpar. 4;) This forced me to do most of
the work myself, which was incredibly frustrating, and it gave me a
skewed view of working with others on a project.
13 Nevertheless, according to Wuchty et al. (201 1), teamwork
produces higher quality work, as made evident from the number
of citations coming from groups vs. citations from individual
authors. 0 While teamwork may be beneficial, in these settings,
these are researchers who have established rapport with each other
and have similar educational backgrounds .• In contrast, the
group work settings that I often work in are with students from different majors and who are strictly classmates. 4D These two factors
may contribute to my personal bias against group work, but I can
understand the benefits of several people working towards a
research or practical goal.
Patrick Kelley
6: WRITING CRITIQUES
1. Make a list of all the personal expressions used in the reaction
papers.
2. How would you say the reactions are organized? Are they
similar to a problem-solution or general-specific text?
3. In which sentence(s) do the authors make use of their own
experiences? Are these personal experiences effective?
4. The writers of these reaction papers do not offer an overall
positive reaction to teamwork, focusing instead on the
drawbacks. Do you think they have adequately explained
their perspectives?
273
5. Do the reactions make good use of the teamwork article? Why
or why not?
6. Were any of the authors’ comments interesting to you? Which
one(s)?
7. Where would you place the writing style of each text on a
continuum from highly informal to highly formal? Does the
style seem appropriate?
8. Which of the two papers has the better title? Why?
9. Is one of the reactions stronger than the other? How did you
decide this?
10. Compare one or both of the reaction papers to the critique
you wrote for Task Sixteen. In what significant ways do the
papers differ?
ilL Hit ;
274 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Language Focus: Non-Standard Quotation Marks
(Scare Quotes)
The standard uses of quotation marks indicate
• the exact written words of other writers
• quoted speech
• unusual technical terms
• linguistic examples (as in ”quote” is a jive-letter word)
In addition, there are other uses of quotation marks that are not standard;
these are commonly called scare quotes, and they function similarly to the
way “air quotes” Of “finger quotes” are used by speakers to show they are not
to be understood literally. Scare quotes consist of two main types. First, there
are “distancing” scare quotes that often have a so-called function, as in this
example .
. . . (in some countries) dishonest superintendents sometimes
take a new teacher’s first paycheck as “payment” for having
helped the teacher secure his or her position
MICUSP File EDU.G2.01.1
Here, of course, it is not really a payment, but more of a bribe or kickback.
Given the distancing effect, you can see that scare quotes may be very
useful in writing a critique, particularly when you may question an author’s
OpInIOn.
The author argues that we are all, in some sense, “screened”
from reality.
The second type of scare quote has to do with stylistic matters; here the
writer wants the reader to recognize that the writer knows that a word Of
phrase does not necessarily conform to expectations of academic style. Here
is an example from another MICUSP paper from Education. Obviously, the
use of ”cool” is not a typical adjective in academic writing.
Learning about what causes the large and dangerous flashes
of lightning they see during thunderstorms will be “cool” and
engaging.
MICUSP File EDU.GO.06.3
6: WRITING CRITIQUES 275
Several manuals advise students not to use scare quotes, but, in fact, they are
used quite often and largely successfully in the MICUSP data. Scare quotes
of the first type can show sophistication about disciplinary concepts and,
those of the second type, sophistication about academic language. However,
there is a great deal of disciplinary variation here. Scare quotes are most
common in Sociology, presumably because writers want to show that they
can be distanced and careful about “troubled” concepts such as class or culture (troubled is itself a scare quote). They are also frequent in History, Linguistics, and English but rare in fields like Civil Engineering, Mechanical
Engineering, and Nutsing. The MICUSP data also shows that the use of
scare quotes among student writers slowly increases from the final undergraduate year to the third year of graduate school. Finally, out study of the
MI CUSP data reveals that compared to their native speaker counterparts,
non-native speakers are somewhat less likely to employ scare quotes.
You can find several sample texts in this volume that make use of scare
quotes; one text with many such uses is the Unit Two text about reality TV
(pages 56-58). You will also notice that on occasion they appear in this
textbook.
OUf advice on the use of scare quotes is that, if you are working in a
humanities Of social science field, certainly use scare quotes in moderation.
However, do not overuse them. In the “hard” sciences (another scare quote),
they are infrequent.
TASK TWENTY – Choose one of these tasks. Write a short reaction to a paper in your
field or to an oral presentation you have attended. Alternatively;
write a paper that reacts to Unit Six. You may want to consider
some of the questions offered earlier in this section or focus on
something else.
276 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
A Few Thoughts on Manuscript
Reviews for a Journal
You may at some point be asked to teview a manuscript that has been submitted for publication. Journals genetally provide you with guidelines fot
evaluating the manuscript. In your first few reviews, you may want to adhere
to the guidelines, bur as you gain mote expetience, you should also have
confidence in your ability and develop your own teviewing style. In the
guidelines of one journal with which John and Chtis ate vety familiat,
reviewets ate asked to considet such things as the level of intetest othets in
the field might have, the originality of the manusctipt, the author’s familiatity with the field, the appropriateness of the methodology and statistical
analyses, the appropriateness of the conclusions, and wtiting style. Regatdless of the quality of the article that you are teviewing, as with all othet
forms of critique, it is important to be fair and to suggest improvements that
could actually be made. For instance, if a study is a secondaty analysis of
data collected for another purpose, it may not be fait to suggest that the
authots collect additional data. Your job is not to find as much fault as possible with a manusctipt, bur to offer feedback that could either improve a
manuscript that is potentially publishable or tespectfully explains your opinion why it is not. Reviews that are disrespectful can discourage novice scholars and frusttate those who have experience. We suggest that you consider
yourself as being in the role of a peet advisot engaged in a written dialogue
with the author, albeit a dialogue that may be one-sided if you do not recommend the manuscript fot publication. If you happen to be on the receiving end of a manuscript for review, you may want to consult Navigating
Academia, which is published by the Univetsity of Michigan Press (Swales
and Feak, 2011).
Unit Seven
Constructing a
Research Paper I
Units Seven and Eight consolidate many of the aspects of academic writing
that have been stressed in earlier units. However, they also break new ground
and differ from the previous units in one important way. At this stage, we
think that you may be carrying out research of some kind. The purpose of
these units, therefore, is to help prepare you with writing up your own
research.
IT g
TASK ONE
If you have not done so already, find 5-10 well-written published
research papers that are typical of papers in your area of study. It
does not matter whether these are seminal papers or where the
research was conducted. We simply want you to have a small data
set (a corpus) that you can analyze to gain some insights into the
important characteristics of published work in your discipline.
Before we delve into the writing of research papers (RPs) and work with
your corpus, we need to narrow our focus here somewhat. This narrowing is
necessary because we want to draw your attention to rypes of journal publications other than the traditional empirical research paper, not all of which
we have the space to deal with in this book.
277
278 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Types of Journal Publication
First, it is important to emphasize that not all research articles are empirical.
In Astrophysics, for example, experimentation is actually impossible: “One
cannot experiment on a star or a galaxy in the way in which one can experiment on a chemical compound or a bean plant” (Tarone et aI., 1998, 115).
As a result, astrophysicists tend to publish logical argumentation papers that
have a general-specific structure (see Unit Two). This form of argument
moves typically from known principles to observations, and then to equations designed to account for the observed phenomena. Such papers can be
common in Theoretical Physics, in Mathematics, in Theoretical Linguistics,
and in fields that rely on computer modeling (e.g., certain areas of Economics,
Biostatistics, and Engineeting).
Papers that are more theoretically oriented rend to not follow the standard
Introduction-Methods-Results-Discussion (IMRD) pattern that is used in
many research papers.l To compensate for the lack of a fixed IMRD structure, these papers often contain a considerable amount of metadiscourse (Unit
Four), which “roadmaps” the organization of the paper. Further, because of
their theoretical nature, the use of first-person pronouns is more widely
accepted. We will not deal with this type of paper in great detail in these last
two units; nevertheless, much of what we will discuss still applies.
Another kind of journal publication that we will only briefly mention
here is the review article, state-of the-art paper, or meta-analysis.2 Such articles
are usually written by senior scholars at the invitation of journal editors. The
aim of these invited papers is often to clarify the state of the art in a particular field.
Some review articles, known as systematic reviews, follow a very strict
merhod for choosing the research to review in response to a carefully chosen
research question. Adhering to the same kind of rigor as would be expected
in any other kind of research is thought to prevent bias that could emerge
when authors are free to select articles. Moreover, with a transparent
methodology in place, others should be able to replicate the work and obtain
1 These four sections of the research paper are capitalized when we are discussing them in
broad terms or offering details about writing them.
2 Although the terms review and meta-analysis are often used interchangeably, they differ in
important ways. While a systematic review summarizes literature, a meta-analysis involves
combining the results of many separate studies and synthesizing conclusions to determine the
effectiveness of a treatment, procedure, or process. Meta-analyses first require a systematic
review to be done. However, not all systematic reviews include a meta-analysis.
7: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER I 279
the same results. Systematic reviews, unlike review articles, generally follow
the IMRD pattern. Increasingly, in many graduate programs, students are
expected to write systematic reviews. Even if you are not expected to write a
systematic review, keep in mind that state-of-the art papers, whether systematic or not, are invaluable since they provide an in-depth overview of the
important literature of a field and a snapshot of where the field is at a particular moment.
According to Noguchi’s (2001) study of 25 review articles published in
the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, such pieces are likely to
have a primary focus of one of these four types.
Foclls Aim
Ptesenting a historical view of (patt of) the field
Describing the current state of knowledge
History
Current work
Theory/model Proposing a theory or model to account for the available data
Issue Calling attention to an important issue in the field
TASK TWO
Read a review article of relevance to you. Does it include one of the
aspects proposed by Noguchi? Or is the approach different? What
kind of section headings does it have? How long is it? How maoy
references does it have?
–
There are a few other rypes of text published in journals. Book reviews
(addressed in Unit Six) are found in many journals. Another rype of journal
publication consists of comments on or responses to published papers.
These are not found in all fields but are fairly common in psychology and
medical journals. Such critiques were also covered, at least in part, in Unit
Six. Then there are editorials in which an editor or invited author makes a
case for his or her perspective on an issue, often concluding that a field needs
to reassess priorities and directions. Finally, we have short communications
(also called brief reports ot technical notes) and standard empirical research
papers. The main focus of these last two units will be on the latter, but first
we will briefly examine one rype of short communication (SC), especially
because these, along with book reviews, may be among the first items that
junior researchers publish.
280 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
In fact, most SCs published today in the hard sciences, Engineering, and
Medicine now take the form of short articles. In other words, they follow the
IMRD format and include an abstract. Indeed, even medical case reports are
increasingly taking this form because most today include a comprehensive
literature review. Typically, these mini-articles run three to six printed pages.
Given their similarity to longer empirical RPs, much of what we have to say
about IMRD articles in Units Seven and Eight will apply to SCs as well.
However, there is one type of SC that is rather different; this is illustrated in
the next section.
Short Communications (SCs) in Disciplines that
Report Fieldwork
This type of research communication is widespread but is mostly found in
local, regional, or national journals. SCs of this type are part of the writing
tradition in disciplines that are engaged in field research3 (e.g., Biology,
Archaeology, and Geology) and in such areas as Linguistics, Folklore, Local
History, Architecrure, and Ethnomusicology.
A principal function of many of these SCs is to report on a rare or
unusual phenomenon, whether it is a rare rock formation, dialectal usage, or
organism of some kind. In effect, SCs are used for reportable discoveries,
and they have a history that extends back to the original founding of scientific journals in England and France in the seventeenth century. The example in Task Three is taken from a small regional journal called Michigan
Birds and Natural History. This journal is refereed and appears four times a
year. It contains many SCs. The topic of this SC is a badger, a mid-sized
nocturnal mammal.
3 Research based on firsthand observations made outside a controlled experimental setting
such as a laboratory,
7: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER I
” TASK THREE
Read the passage and discuss the questions on pages 282-283 with
a partner. We have numbered independent clauses as sentences for
ease of discussion.
Occurrence of a Badger in
Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, Michigan
Belant, J. L., Wolford, J. E., and
Kainulainen, L. G. (2007).
Michigan Birds and Natural History, 14(2), 41-44.
281
o North American Badgers (Taxidea taxus) occur throughout the
western United States and Great Plains of North America, with the
geographic range extending east to central Ohio (Messick, 1987;
Whitaker and Hamilton, 1998). f) In Michigan, badgers have been
verified in all counties, including those in the Upper Peninsula
(Baker, 1983). 0 However, badger presence had not been confirmed
in the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore (PRNL), located in Alger
County, northcentral Upper Peninsula, Michigan.
o On 16 September 2004, a badger was captured adjacent to
PNRL (Iat 46032’N, long 86019’W), incidentally in a cage trap
(Model 108, Tomahawk Live Trap Company, Tomahawk, WI),
during a study of American Marten. 0 The badger was immobilized
using an intramuscular injection of Telazol® (Fort Dodge Animal
Health, Fort Dodge, IA) with basic physiology monitored as
described by Belant (2004). (!) The badger received a radio transmitter (Advanced Telemetry Systems, Isanti, MN); f) standard body
metrics were taken.
(i) A tooth was not extracted for aging; €I however, measurements including body length 25 inches (64 cm), total length 30
inches (76 cm), skull length 4.7 inches (12.0 cm), skull width 3.5
inches (9.0 cm), and estimated weight 13 pounds (6 kg) suggested
that this individual was probably a yearling (Long, 1973; Baker,
1983; Messick, 1987). 6b Teeth were not damaged and evidence of
staining was not observed. CD Nipple size (2 The reason
behind this effect is that ingroup critics are perceived to have
different motivations than outgroup critics (Homsey & Imani,
330 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
•
2004). fD Ingroup critics are attributed with constructive motives
(i.e., genuine desires to improve the group), facilitating acceptance
of their message. fD Outgroup critics are instead attributed with
destructive motives (i.e., attempting to demoralize the group or
struggling for inter-group supremacy), leading to resistance and
rejection. fD Thus, responses to criticism are said to be driven not
by what people say but by why they are perceived to be saying it.
ED In most situations, however, this process of attribution is
likely to go in both directions; just as targets make attributions
about their critics’ motives, critics typically make attributions about
the causes of the targets’ behavior. e These attributions may be
explicitly communicated, or they may be merely implied by the
criticism. ED Although previous research has examined the attribu·
tions that targets make about their critics, research has not yet
investigated the attributions that critics make about and communicate to their targets. fD With this in mind, the primary aim of the
present research was to explore how the attributional content of
criticism might further moderate responsiveness to group-directed
criticism.
Sentences 1-2
Sentences 3-13
Sentences 14-15
Sentence 16
Sentence 17
How would you evaluate the flow of information? Does the organization seem familiar to you? Does it resemble the Introductions in
your field in any way? Does it resemble the moves in Figure 16 on
page 331?
£ ! it H
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 331
Creating a Research Space
As you may have discovered in Task One, the Introductions of RPs typically
follow the pattern in Figure 16 in response to two kinds of competition:
competition for readers and competition for research space. This rhetorical
pattern has become known as the create-a-research-space (or CARS) model
(Swales, 1990).
FIGURE 16. Moves in Research Paper Introductions
Move i-Establishing a research territory
a. by showing that the general research area is important, central,
interesting, problematic, or relevant in some way (optional)
b. by introducing and reviewing items of previous research in the area
(obligatory)
Move 2-Establishing a niche”
by indicating a gap in the previous research or by extending previous
knowledge in some way (obligatory)
Move 3-0ccupying the niche
a. by outlining purposes or stating the nature of the present research
(obligatory)
b. by listing research questions or hypotheses (PlsF”‘)
c. by announcing principal findings (PlsF)
d. by stating the value of the present research (PlsF)
e. by indicating the structure of the RP (PIS F)
* The one exception to this occurs in certain RPs that deal with “rea! world” problems, as in Engineering.
In some cases, Move 1 deals with these problems without a literature review and the previous research on
ittempted solutions is postponed to Move 2 (see the text on pages 335-336),
In ecology, a niche is a particular microenvironment where a particular organism can thrive. In our case,
il.piche is a context where a specific piece of research makes particularly good sense.
PISF 0= probable in some fields, but rare in others.
332 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
1 ;;; Jf 5L 51 ! 7
TASK TWO
We begin our more careful analysis wirb an Introduction to an RP
from the humanities. The paper has been adapted from one John
wrote for a History of Art seminar he audited on nineteenrbcentury realism. Read it and answer the questions on page 333.
Thomas Eakins and the “Marsh” Pictures
o Thomas Eakins (1844-1916) is now recognized as one of the
greatest American painters, alongside Winslow Homer, Edward
Hopper, and Jackson Pollock. 49 Over the last thirty years, there
have been many studies of his life and work,l and in 2002 there
was a major exhibition devoted entirely to his art in his home city
of Philadelphia. 0 His best-known pictures include a number of
rowing and sailing scenes, several domestic interiors, the two large
canvasses showing the surgeons Gross and Agnew at work in the
operating theater, and a long series of portraits, including several
of his wife, Susan McDowell. e The non-portraits are distinguished
by compositional brilliance and attention to detail, while the
portraits-most of which come from his later period-are thought
to show deep insight into character or “psychological realism.’”
o In many ways, Eakins was a modern late nineteenth century
figure since he was interested in science, in anatomy, and in the
fast-growing “manly sports” of rowing and boxing. 0 In his best
work, he painted what he knew and whom he knew, rather than
being an artist-outsider to the scene in front of him. 0 Among
Eakins’ pictures, there is a small series of scenes painted between
1873 and 1876 showing hunters preparing to shoot at the secretive marsh birds in the coastal marshes near Philadelphia. 0 Apart
from a chapter in Foster (1997), this series has been little discussed by critics or art historians. CD For example, these pictures
I Book-length studies include Hendricks (1974), Johns (1983), Fried (1987),
Wilmerding (1993), Foster (1997), and Berger (2000).
2 The question of what actually makes a work of art “realistic” is, of course, one of the
most discussed issues in the history of art, and will not be directly addressed in this
paper. For analyses of realism, see, among others, Nochlin (1990).
: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER 1
were ignored by Johns in her pioneering 1983 monograph,l perhaps because their overall smallness (physically, socially and psychologically) did not fit well with her book’s title, Thomas Eakins:
333
The Heroism of Modern Life. CD These pictures are usually thought
to have come about simply because Thomas Eakins used to accompany his father on these hunting/shooting trips to the marshes.’
o However, in this paper I will argue that Eakins focused his attention on these featureless landscapes for a much more complex set
of motives. t9 These included his wish to get inside the marsh
landscape, to stress the hand-eye coordination between the shooter
and “the pusher,” and to capture the moment of concentration
before any action takes place.
1. Divide the text into the three basic moves.
2. How many paragraphs would you divide the text into? And
where would you put the paragraph boundaries?
3. Look at Figure 16 again. Where in this Introduction would you
divide Move 1 into 1a and 1b?
4. What kind of Move 2 did you find?
5. What kind of Move 3a did you find?
6. Underline or highlight any words or expressions in Sentences 1
through 4 that have been used “to establish a research territory.”
7. How many citations are there in the text and footnotes?
8. Footnotes and endnotes are widely used in the humanities.
Consider carefully the four footnotes in this Introduction. Do
you think that this information is rightly footnoted, or do you
think sometimes it would have been better in the main text?
Conversely, is there material in the main text that you would
have put in footnotes? What do your decisions tell you about
the use of notes?
3 Johns’ book is an example of the “new” art histOlY with its detailed attention to the
social conditions and circumstances that give rise to a particular form of art.
4 Eakins contracted a bad case of malaria on one of chese trips, and this brought his
visits-and this series of paintings-to an end.
1
334 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
In the opening section of Unit Seven, we argued that RPs were not simple accounts of investigations. If you now look back at the Introduction to
the Eakins paper. you will note that it does not explicitly state the motive or
rationale for the study. Rather, the study seems to emerge as a natural and
rational response to some kind of gap in the literature on Thomas Eakins.
In fact, this is not how the study started at all. The course John audited was
an advanced seminar in nineteenth-century realism, and he was already familiar with the paintings of Thomas Eakins. John is also a keen amateur birdwatcher. As he started to read the books on Eakins, he noticed that the critics
sometimes misidentified and mislabeled the birds in Eakins’ marsh pictures
and sketches. This then was what made him focus on these pictures; however,
he soon realized that the mistakes about the birds would not make a suitable
main theme for a history of art paper-they could only be a small part of the
story.
TASK THREE
“What is your response to these questions? Discuss them with a
partner.
1. Do you think the “true” story behind the paper should be built
into the Introduction? If so, where and how?
2. Alternatively, do you think it should be made part of the Discussion? Or dropped in a footnote? Or could it be omitted altogether?
3. Do you have comparable experiences to relate-perhaps stories
about how pieces of research started almost by accident but are
described as if they were planned?
4. In any investigation, certain events take place in a certain order.
Do you think it is necessary to keep to that order when writing
an RP, or is an author free to change that order to construct a
more rhetorically effective paper?
,
The Introduction we have just examined is firmly located in the scholarly
world of Art History. The rationale for the paper is found in John’s belief that
art historians had given insufficient attention to one group of Eakins’ pictures.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 335
Elsewhere, the rationales for journal articles may lie in problems, issues,
or uncertainties that have arisen in the real world. So next, we look at an
Introduction of this type from an Engineering journal. Read the adapted
text and the analysis.
Durability Monitoring for Improved Service Life Predictions
of Concrete Bridge Decks in Corrosive Environments
Cusson, D., Lounis, Z., and Daigle, L. (2011).
Computer-aided Civil and Infrastructure Engineering, 26, 524-541.
I INTRODUCTION
o Many reinforced concrete (RC) bridges in Canada and the northern
United States are short- and medium-span bridges that exhibit
serious deterioration due to the use of de-icing salts during winter.
o Approximately 25% of them are considered deficient in terms of
structural capacity and functionality (U.S. DOT et aI., 2007) as a
result of increased traffic loads, changing environmental conditions, and more stringent design codes.
o The widespread deterioration and some recent collapses of
highway bridges (lnaudi et aI., 2009) have highlighted the importance of developing effective bridge inspection and maintenance
strategies, including structural health and durability monitoring,
which can help identify structural and durability problems before
they become critical. “The implementation of structural health
monitoring (SHM) programs can provide useful information on the
physical health of bridges and their structural performance (Cruz
and Salgado, 2009; Moaveni et aI., 2009; Soyoz and Feng, 2009;
Huang et aI., 2010).0 Durability monitoring can supply valuable
data that can be used to calibrate service life prediction models.
o Currently, the majority of highway bridges are inspected at
regular intervals through visual inspection, which is followed by
a mapping of the observed damage to a qualitative rating scale.
o More detailed and in-depth inspections using non-destructive
evaluation methods are conducted less frequently to supplement
the data obtained from visual inspection, especially for critical
bridge elements, to assess the level of corrosion-induced
deterioration.
336 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
The Introduction for this paper has other sections, which we have not
included so that we can focus on the move structure. The omitted sections
are 1.1 Toward multi-objective management of highway bridges; 1.2 Toward
structural health and durability monitoring of highway bridges; and 1.3
Objectives.
Sentences 1-3 establish the research territory. They do this by providing
information about the seriousness of the problem, largely without references.
Move la
Sentence 1: A large number of .. . bridges. . . exhibit serious. . . deterioration
Sentence 2: Many bridges were built decades ago
Sentence 3: 25% are deficient
The next five sentences establish the niche.
Move 2
Sentence 4: The widespread deterioration and some recent collapses of
highway bridges … highlighted the importance of effective …
inspection and maintenance
Sentence 5: SHM programs can provide useful information
Sentence 6: Durability monitoring can supply valuable data
Sentence 7: Current visual inspection procedures
Sentence 8: Rarer, more in-depth on-site inspections
Implications (not explicitly stated in Move 2)
1. SHM and durability monitoring could be improved
2. Inspection procedures could be improved (especially when we learn
that this article appeared in a journal called Computer-aided Civil and
Infrastructure EngineerinJj.
Sections 1.1 and 1.2 are quite extensive and quite technical. The final section of the Introduction (1.3 Objectives) is short.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 337
£ jj IT liE
TASK FOUR
Given what you now know, write two or three sentences for Move
3 in order to complete the Introdnction to the bridges text. Use
your imagination if necessary.
Our third illustrative Introduction section offers a social science approach to
the provision of health care.
2Z!iJ;i!Wb i£ 11 [
TASK FIVE
Reconstruct these sentences from the Introduction into their original order, numbering them from 1 to II? Work with a partner.
University-Community Agency Collaboration:
Human Service Agency Workers’ Views
Tiamiyu, M. (2000).
Journal of Multicultural Nursing and Health, 6, 29-36.
a. Furthermore, governments, foundations, non-profit organizations, and other stakeholders continue to work on how
to provide cost-effective community-based services to
members of the society including the elderly:
b. In particular, the study sought to provide an avenue for
them to communicate their understanding of universitycommunity agency collaborations and identify how their
agencies can work collaboratively with the university:
c. According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, it is anticipated that if this trend in growth continues, by the year
2030 there will be approximately 70 million Americans
aged 65 or over.
d. One approach has been an emphasis on community
collaborations to address the planning and delivery of such
services.
338 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
e. Little, however, is known about participants’ views of
university-community collaborations.
£. Several studies have examined issues related to the present
and future provision and quality of community-based
services for the elderly (Kelly, Knox & Gekoski, 1998;
Buys & Rushworth, 1997; Damron-Rodriguez, Wallace,
& Kington, 1994; Krout, 1994; Kuehne, 1992; Benjamin,
1988; Soldo & Agree, 1988; and Mahoney, 1978).
__ g. Human-service agency workers are major participants of
university-based collaborations; hence, the purpose of this
study was to investigate their views of community-based
services to the elderly in northwest Ohio.
h. Funding agencies (e.g., U.S. Department of Housing and
Urban Development [HUD]) have encouraged universitycommunity collaborations.
i. The growing size of America’s population of seniors has
drawn attention to its economic and social well-being.
__ j. America’s population is growing older.
k. An example is HUD’s Community Outreach Partnership
Centers initiative, which involves university faculty, staff,
students, and community residents and agencies/groups
as partners in the development and implementation of
research/community programs.
Which sentences were the most difficult to place? Why?
70 L .ili 11! mill iJJj
TASK SIX
Examine the Introductions to 3-5 journal articles from your reference collection. To what extent do their Introductions follow the
CARS model presented in Figure 16? If they do not, do you have
an explanation for this? Keep in mind that there may be good
reasons for alternative structures. Be prepared to discuss one of
the Introduction sections with a partner.
X?
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 339
Claiming Centrality
In the “University-Community Agency Collaboration” passage, claiming
centrality (Move 1 a) was achieved by stressing the growing problem of coping
with the elderly in Sentences j, c, and i. In the Eakins text, centrality was
created by stressing the artist’s growing status and the growing amount ofliterature devoted to his work (Sentences 1-2). In the bridges text, the authors
assert centrality by establishing the “serious corrosion-induced deterioration”
in many concrete bridges in northern North America (Sentences 1-3).
In Move la certain fixed phrases (or small variants of them) tend to recur.
In many cases, the present perfect is used, often with a time expression such
as In recent years. We list some with the number of Google Scholar hits we
found in May 2012.
TASK SEVEN
Update the numbers in the table, and try and find two more opening expressions with more than 1,000 hits.
Phrase Hits Spring 2012 Hits Now
· .. has been extensively studied. 214,000
· .. there has been growing interest in . 17,800
Recent studies have focused on . ” 17,400
· .. has become a major issue … 7,290
· .. remains a serious problem ” . 7,280
· .. there has been increasing concern .. 4,680
· .. has been investigated by many researchers. 4,270
· .. has become an important aspect of . 2,470
Number of Hits
One of your own
One of your own
Now look at the Introduction openings in your reference collection.
How many have a Move 1a? Do they use any of the phrases in the
table or similar ones? If not, how do your authors claim centrality?
340 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Reviewing the Literature
The CARS model states that Move 1 b is the place to assemble and review
items of previous research relevant to the topic. In fact, in the original version of the CARS model, back in 1981, this was the only place where citations were thought to occur. However, we now know (e.g., Samraj, 2002)
that citations can occur anywhere in an Introduction, partly as a consequence of the huge increase in the number of researchers and research papers
in recent decades. You may have noticed in the Introduction of the bridges
text, for example, that there are more citations in Move 2 than in Move 1.
7 Ui
TASK EIGHT
Once more, review three Introduction sections in your reference collection, highlighting all the citations. (This highlighting will also be
useful later.) How are they distributed? Be prepared to discuss your
findings with a partner.
Motives for Citing
WI
There are, in fact, a surprisingly large number of theories about the role and
purpose of citations in academic texts. These include
• acknowledging the intellectual property rights of earlier authors
• showing respect for previous scholars
• giving your arguments greater authority
• helping (promoting) your friends and colleagues
• showing that you are a member of a particular disciplinary community
However, a more recent consensus among those senior scholars who have
studied citations for many years, such as Blaise Cronin and Howard White,
suggests that the primary motive for citing remains perceived relevance. As
Cronin neatly puts it, “Content counts for more than connections” (2005,
1506).
Of course, citation is a surface phenomenon, and there may well be in
some cases social and psychological motivations that are not apparent. Even
so, in the great majority of situations, it seems clear that well-known scholars and researchers are cited because they have done important work, not
simply because they are famous.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 341
Swales and Leeder (2012) studied the citations to the 154 articles published in the 1990s in the English for Specific Purposes Journal-a journal that
incidentally figures prominently in the references in this volume. They
found that the two most-cited articles
• were written by women.
• were written by non-native speakers of English.
• were not by authors working in Anglophone countries.
• were not by authors working at famous universities.
In other words, Swales and Leeder found no evidence of bias; rather, the two
papers were highly cited because they had something important and something new to say.
If the role of citations is better understood and accepted these days, this is
not true of a subclass of references usually known as self-citations. These are
citations to an author’s own previously published or presented work. In an
era when numbers of citations are becoming increasingly important in the
evaluation of individuals, self-citations remain controversial. There are two
main reasons for this: one is whether they should “count” in evaluations; the
second is whether the motives for self-citing are somehow different from
those of citing others.
,L. illJ ill ,
TASK NINE
Read these eight summaries of research papers on self-citing. Then
organize a literature review.
1. Snyder and Bonzi (1989)
Patterns of self-citation in six disciplines were examined. 9%
of all citations were self-citations: 15% in the physical sciences, 6% in the social sciences, and 3% in the humanities.
2. Bonzi and Snyder (1991)
A study of 51 authors in the natural sciences revealed only a
few differences in motivation between citing oneself and citing others.
342 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
3. Phelan (1999)
A study of the citing practices of 56 highly cited authors in the
field of Education was conducted. Only 2 of the 56 did not cite
themselves over a 12-year period. At the other extreme, 154
out of 280 citations (55%) received by one author were the
outcome of self-citations.
4. White (2001)
The most important citet motivation is to project one’s own
writing (and reading) by linking earlier work to later work. In
this sense, a certain amount of self-citation is both natural
and inevitable.
5. Hyland (2003)
Self-citations may arise from three kinds of motivation:
(1) a natural result of the cumulative nature of an individual’s
research; (2) a need for personal gratification; and (3) its value
as a rhetorical device to increase an author’s visibility and
reputation.
6. Medoff (2006)
This study of 400 Economics articles showed that an author’s
self-citations did not have a statistically significant effect on
that article’s total number of citations.
7. Falagas and Kavvadia (2006)
Seventeen percent of references in Clinical Science were selfcitations, a figure that rose slightly to 20% in Basic Science.
8. Fowler and Aksnes (2007)
A macro study of more than a half million citations to articles
by Norwegian scientists in the 1981-2000 period was undertaken. The average citation rate was 11 %, although there were
wide individual variations. They then showed that the more
authors cite themselves the more likely they are to be cited by
others. However, they note that there are currently no penalties for frequent self-citing. These results, they conclude,
question the use of citations to evaluate performance.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 343
As you will have noted, these eight studies have been listed in chronological order. Unless a topic has a clear, linear development over time, a chronological structure is rarely the best way of organizing a literature review,
although it may work well enough with some subsets of the material. More
generally, the key point about reviews of the literature is that they should
clearly show an organizing mind at work. Several ways of organizing may be
possible, but what readers, reviewers, and editors want to see is an author
who imposes order on the material, rather than producing simple undigested lists of what has been done.
Now here is one student’s approach to organizing self-citation material in
an Introduction.
o I am going to do this specific-general, starting with basic facts.
o I will start with the self-cite percentages: so I’ll start with references 1,
7, and part of 8.
o Then I will cover the explanations for self-citing and will use references
4 and 5.
o Then I will focus on individual variation and draw from reference 3
and mention 8.
o After this I will discuss research on self-citation effects using references
2,6, and 8.
o Finally, I should say something about policy implications and the need
for further studies.
Is this how you would do it? Can you suggest a better alternative? Discuss
with a partner.
344 ACADEMIC WRITING FDR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Sill
~ Language Focus: Citation and Tense
Tense choice in reviewing previous research is subtle and somewhat flexible. (It
is also not very much like the “rules” you may have been taught in English
classes.) The following, therefore, are only general guidelines for tense usage.
Several studies have shown that at least two-thirds of all citing statements
fall into one of these three major patterns.
Pattern 1
Past-researcher activity as agent
Huang (2007) investigated the causes of airport delays.
The causes of airport delays were investigated by Huang
(2007).
Pattern 2
Present Perfect-researcher activity not as agent
The causes of airport delays have been widely investigated
(Hyon, 2004; Huang, 2007; Martinez et aI., 2010).
There have been several investigations into the causes of airport delays (Hyon 2004; Huang, 2007; Martinez et aI., 2010).
Several researchers have studied the causes of airport
delays.’-3
Pattern 3
Present-no reference to researcher activity
The causes of airport delays are complex (Hyon, 2004; Huang,
2007, Martinez et aI., 2010).
Airport delays appear to have a complex set of causes.’-3
Note the common uses of these patterns.
Pattern I-reference to single studies-past
Pattern 2-reference to areas of inquiry-present perfect
Pattern 3-reference to state of current knowledge-present
Also note that in Patterns 1 and 2, attention is given to what previous
researchers did, while in Pattern 3 the focus is on what has been found.
Finally, note that different areas of scholarship have somewhat different
preferences. Patterns 1 and 2 are most common in the humanities and the
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 345
social sciences and least common in the areas of science, engineering, and
medical research. However, all three patterns tend to occur in many extensive literature reviews since they add variety to the text.
We have said that these three patterns cover ahout two-thirds of the cases.
The reason this proportion is not higher is because writers of literature
reviews can have certain options in their choice of tenses. This is particularly
true of Pattern 1. The main verbs in Pattern 1 can refer to what a previous
researcher did (investigated, studied, analyzed, etc.). By and large, in these
cases the past is obligatory. However, the main verbs can also refer to what
the previous researcher wrote or thought (stated, concluded, claimed, etc.).
With this kind of reporting verb (see Unit Five), tense options are possible.
Rogers (2004) concluded that business failure may be related
to reduced working capital and retained earnings.
Rogers (2004) has concluded that ….
Rogers (2004) concludes that ….
The differences among these tenses are subtle. In general, moves from past to
present perfect and then to present indicate that the research reported is
increasingly close to the writer in some way: close to the writer’s own opinion,
close to the writer’s own research, or close to the current state of knowledge.
The present tense choice is sometimes called the citational present and is
also used with famous or important sources.
Aristotle argues that ….
Confucius says … .
The Bible says … .
The Constitution states ….
Comparable options exist in the subordinate clause.
Rogers (2004) found that business failure was correlated most
closely with reduced working capital.
Rogers (2004) found that business failure is correlated most
closely with reduced working capital.
The first sentence shows that the writer believes that the finding should be
understood within the context of the single study. In the second, the writer
implies that a wider generalization is possible. (However, it should be noted
that some editors disapprove of the use of present tense here.)
346 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
TASK TEN
Review the previously highlighted citations in your reference collection. Which tenses are the most frequent? How does your data fit
with the three patterns we have identified?
Variation in Reviewing the literature
In the Language Focus on pages 344-345. we concentrated on the three
main citation patterns. There are, of course, some others.
According to Suarez et al. (20] 0), the causes of business failure
are closely related to the ratio of working capital, retained earnings, and sales.
Fang’s research shows that reduced working capital and
retained earnings are interrelated (Fang, 2007).
Can you come up with others?
Good writers of literature reviews employ a range of patterns in order to
vary their sentences. Another form of variation involves the use of integral
and non-integral citations. When the cited author is grammatically part of a
sentence, the citation is referred to as integral. When the cited author is
given in parentheses or referred to by a number, the citation is non-integral.
Pattern 1 on page 344 contains integral citations. Non-integral citations
appear in Pattern 2.
Most citations are non-integral. Under what circumstances would an
integral citation be preferred?
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 347
w w
TASK ELEVEN
Choose one of these tasks.
1. Write up a review of the self-citation literature.
2. Revise this passage.
The passage uses only the first citation pattern. As you can see, using
the same structure all the time can cause the reader to lose interest.
Re-write it to add more variety and provide a more apparent organization structure. Your version will probably be shorter than the original-another advantage!
The Origins of the First Scientific Articles
Banks (201 1) describes the founding of the first scientific journals
in London and Paris in the 1660s. Obviously, the first scientific arti·
cles had no direct models to build on, and several scholars have
discussed Possible infiuences. Ard (1983) and Valle (2000) suggest
that the first articles developed from the scholarly letters that sci·
entists were acCustomed to sending to each other. Sutherland
(1986) showed that early articles were also influenced by the news·
paper reports of that time. Paradis (1987) described the influence
of the philosophical essay. Shapin (1984) claimed that the scientific
books of Robert Boyle were another model. Bazerman (1988, 1997)
argued that discussions among the scientists themselves made
their own COntribution to the emergence of the scientific article.
Finally, Gross (1990, 2008) ascribes their origins to inventories of
nature and natural products.
Rlij .4: &; ..
348 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Move 2: Establishing a Niche
In many ways, Move 2 is the key move in Introductions to longer research
papers. (However, this move may not be needed in shorter communications.) It is the hinge that connects Move 1 (what has been done) to Move 3
(what the present research is about). Move 2 thus establishes the motivation
for the study. By the end of Move 2, the reader should have a good idea of
what is coming in Move 3.
Most Move 2s establish a niche by indicating a gap-by showing that the
research story so far is not yet complete. Move 25 then function as a minicritique (see Unit Six). Usually Move 2s are quite shorr, often consisting of
no more than a sentence Of two. Let us examine the Move 25 in the first
three Introductions we have seen so far.
Thomas Eakins
Apart from a chapter in Foster (1997), this series has been
little discussed by critics or art historians. For example, these
pictures were ignored by Johns in her ….
Durability Monitoring (bridges)
The widespread deterioration and recent collapses of highway
bridges … have highlighted the importance of developing
effective bridge inspection and maintenance strategies.
University-Community Agency Collaboration
Little is, however, known about participants’ views of universitycommunity collaborations.
As you can see, the first and third are straightforward gap indications. The
second is rather more subtle. It implies, but does not directly state, that current bridge inspection strategies need to be improved.
A fuller range of options for Move 2 is presented in Figure 17.
FIGURE 17. Options for Establishing a Niche
A. counter-claiming (something is wrong)
B. indicating a gap (something is missing)
C. raising a question or making an inference
(something is unclear) (Kwan and Chan, 2011)
D. continuing a tradition (adding something)
Stronger
Weaker
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 349
2J ?7Y &.MddL £ 2
TASK TWELVE
Here are eight Move 2 statements regarding the self-citation research.
Wonld you characterize them as A, B, C, or 0 from Figure 17?
There are two of each.
1. These findings suggest that the nnmber of co-authors
might affect the self-citation rate.
2. However, in all three cases, the methodologies used for
analyzing self-citations are flawed.
3. One discipline that has been neglected in self-citation
studies is history.
4. Studies so far lead to a question that has as yet no clear
answer: Do self-citations pay?
5. It would therefore be interesting to have further information about the citation practices of Norwegian scientists.
6. That said, little is known about how many times individual
authors cite their earlier publications.
7. Recent arguments (e.g., Fowler and Aksnes, 2007) for
excluding self-citations from performance assessments rest
on a number of false assumptions.
8. There is obviously value in extending these studies to cover
more disciplines.
Of the four Move 2 options, gap-indications are very common in many
fields. Option 0, however, is typically chosen by research groups in sciences
and Engineering as they offer refinements and exrensions of rheir previous
work. This is a case of the common “adding anorher brick to rhe wall of
knowledge” metaphor. At rhe other pole, regular employment of counterclaiming is only likely in contesred areas such as Philosophy and Law. Since
Option B is widely used, we now explore it a little further.
350 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
~ Language Focus: Negative Openings in Move 2
Probably the most common way to indicate a gap is to use a “quasi-negative”
subject. Presumably, such subjects are chosen because they signal immediately to the reader that Move 1 has come to an end. Note the uses of little
andfow.
Non-count
Count
However, little information …
Little attention …
Little work .. .
Little data .. .
Little research …
However, few studies .. .
Few investigations .. .
Few researchers .. .
Few attempts .. .
Note the differences in the following pairs.
There is little research. (negative, i.e., not enough)
There is a little research. (neutral, i.e., maybe enough)
The department has few computers. (negative, i.e., not enough)
The department has a few computers. (neutral, i.e., maybe
enough)
Note also the use of no/none of
No studies/data/calculations to date have ….
None of these studies/findings/calculations have ….
Use no when your conclusion is based on (but does not directly refer to) the
cited literature. If you want to refer directly to the previous research, use
none of
However, you may want to avoid using a full negative like no studies;
chances are that somebody will find an exception to your strong statement.
Alternatively, you could add To the best of our knowledge, …
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 351
M
TASK THIRTEEN
ilI!!
Here are some “negative’) verbs and adjectives that tend to cluster in
Move 2. Work with a partner and decide how “negative” they are.
Mark them as seeming definitely or strongly negative (- -) or only
slightly negative (-).
Verbs
However, previous research on deforestation has ___ _
a. concentrated on -g. neglected to consider
b. disregarded h. overestimated
c. failed to consider i. overlooked
d. ignored -j. been restricted to
e. been limited to k. suffered from
f. misinterpreted I. underestimated
Adjectives
Nevertheless, these attempts to establish a link between
dental fillings and disease are at present _______ _
a. controversial e. qnestionable
b. incomplete f. unconvincing
c. inconclusive -g. unsatisfactory
d. misguided h. ambivalent
1_.,~ !0li@Wna! , ,
352 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE 5TUDENTS
Of course, not all RP Introductions express Move 2 by indicating an
obvious gap. You may prefer, for various reasons, to avoid negative or quasinegative comment altogether. In such cases, a useful alternative is to use a
contrastive statement.
Research has tended to focus on .. , rather than on … .
These studies have emphasized .. , as opposed to … .
Although considerable research has been devoted to .. ,
rather less attention has been paid to ….
Cumulative and Recycling Move 2s
Sometimes, however, Move 25 can be quite complicated. Consider, for
example, the Move 2 from the Introduction section of a paper by Schwer
and Daneshvary (2000) entitled “Keeping Up One’s Appearance.” After an
opening paragraph that claims centrality, Schwer and Daneshvary devote the
next five short paragraphs to a literature review, concluding that “there
appears to be an economic incentive to appear attractive” (209). Now here is
their seventh paragraph (italics added).
Previous research has not addressed whether or not people who
are employed in some occupations rate the maintenance of overall
appearance more important than do people who are employed in
other occupations. Moreover, research has not fully considered the
behavioral consequences of individuals putting more or less
emphasis on physical appearance (e.g., does it affect grooming
habits or maintenance rituals?). Nor has it addressed if they patron·
ize a beauty shop, a barbershop, or a beauty salon in maintaining
their appearance.
Notice the strategy here-as shown by the italicized stretches of text-of
making a series of quasi-negative statements about “previous research.” Also,
notice that as the three sentences progress, they increasingly narrow down to
the precise research question that Schwer and Daneshvary will be attempting
to answer. This type of Move 2 we have called cumulative because the gap
statements form a series.
The other type involves chopping the more specific earlier references to
the previous research into sections and then making a series of Move 2 comments about tbem. We can illustrate this by introducing the text in Task
Fourteen, which focuses on energy harvesting.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 353
As you will see, discussion of previous work is spread out and handled in
two paragraphs. One method is discussed in Sentence 3 and critiqued in
Sentence 4, while the second method is critiqued in Sentence 11.
IT li
– j . d
TASK FOURTEEN
Read part of the Introduction section for the energy harvesting text
(containing Move 2) and then answer the questions on page 354.
Soft Capacitors for Wave Energy Harvesting
Ahnert, K., Abel, M., Kollosche, M.,
J0rgen J0rgensen, P., and Kofod, C. (2011).
Journal of Materials Chemistry, 21, 13392-14497.
o The problem of adequately supplying the world with clean,
renewable energy is among the most urgent today. 8 It is crucial to
evaluate alternatives to conventional techniques. 8 One possibility
is energy harvesting from ocean waves, which has been proposed
as a means of offsetting a large portion of the world’s electrical
energy demands. I e However, the practical implementation of wave
energy harvesting has met with obstacles, and the development of
new methods is necessary.’ 0 Oceanic waves have large amplitude
fiuctuations that cause devices to fail due to excessive wear or
during storms. (3 A strategy to overcome these catastrophic events
could be to base the harvesting mechanisms on soft materials.
e Soft, stretchable rubber capacitors are possible candidates
for energy harvesting,3-8 that have already been tested in a realistic
ocean setting.9•ID fl}They were originally introduced as actuators,”-14
capable of high actuation strains of more than 100% and stresses
of more than 1 MPa. 0 With a soft capacitor, mechanical energy
can be used to pump charges from a low electrical potential Uta
a higher one, such that the electrical energy difference can be
harvested. 3 ED This is made possible by the large changes of
capacitance under mechanical deformation. GI Although the method
is simple and proven,3-IO it is still not clear to what extent the
approach is practically useful, which is the concern of this paper.
GI Of the many electro-active polymers, it appears that soft
capacitors could have the highest energy densities.1S
Copyright Royal Society of Chemistry. Used with permission.
354 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
1. How many “critique” expressions can you find in the passage?
Underline or highlight them.
2. Look back at Task Thirteen. Are these phrases strongly negative
or slightly negative?
3. What word signals that Move 1 has ended and Move 2 has
started? What other words or expressions conld also indicate this
shift?
4. Can you now anticipate what Sentence 13 will do?
We can see a slightly different case in the Move 2 of the bridges
Introduction (see pages 335-336).
Do you agree (A) or disagree (D) with these comments? Mark (?) if
you are unsure.
1. The first reference (Inaudi et al., 2009) helps to establish
the seriousness of the problem and therefore has a different
function to the others.
2. Earlier Swales and Fealr said that this Move 2 paragraph was
a subtle form of gap indication. In fact, it fits better with
the “continuing a tradition” option. SHM monitoring in
Sentence 4 contains references, but durability monitoring
in Sentence 5 does not. This is because
__ there is no published research on this topic.
__ the authors simply forgot.
__ durability monitoring is the topic of this paper.
Of some other reason.
3. The use of can in Sentences 4 and 5 indicates
_ that both kinds of monitoring are able to get the job
done.
_ that both kinds only have a potential to get the job
done.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 355
Occupying the Niche
The thitd and final step in the typical RP Introduction is to make an offet to
fill the gap (ot extend the tradition) that has been cteated in Move 2. The
first element in Move 3 is obligatory. It has two main variants:
Putposive (P) The author or authors indicate their main purpose or
purposes.
or
Descriptive (D) The author or authots desctibe the main feature of
their research.
TASK FIFTEEN
Here ate the beginnings of ten opening Move 3 sentences. Decide
in each case whether they are purposive (P) or descriptive (D).
The first two have been done for you. Complete at least three of
the sentences.
~p_ 1. The aim of the present paper is to give … .
‘D 2. This paper reports on the results obtained … .
3. In this paper we give preliminary tesults fat … .
4. The main purpose of the experiment reported here was to
5. This study was designed to evaluate ….
6. The present work extends the use of the last model ….
7. We now report the interaction between … .
8. The primary focus of this paper is on … .
9. The aim of this investigation was to test … .
10. Our ptimary objective in this paper is to provide ….
3S6 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Note that Move 3 is typically signaled by some reference to the present
text, such as the uses of this, the present, reported, and here. If the conventions
of the field or journal allow, it is also common for the authors to switch from
the impersonal to the personal by using we or, more rarely, I Also note that
metadiscoursal references come early in the sentence. It is more common to
find
In this paper we present the results of three experiments.
rather than
We present the results of three experiments in this paper.
~ Language Focus: Purpose Statements and Tense
Students sometimes ask us whether they should use was or is in purpose
statements. Indeed, both were used in the phrases in Task Fifteen. The
answer to this question depends on how you refer to your work. You have
two choices.
1. Referring to the type of text (or gente}-paper, article, thesis, report,
research note, etc.
2. Referring to the type of investigation-experiment, investigation,
study, survey, etc.
If you choose to refer to the type of text, present tense is quite common. If
you write The aim of this paper was to … in some fields, this would mean
that you are referring to an original aim that has now changed. In other
fields, such as Biomedical Research, was is typical and simply refers to the
aim when the research was conducted.
If you choose to refer to the type of investigation, you can use either was
Of is. However, there is an increasing tendency to choose the present, perhaps because it makes the research seem relevant and fresh and new. A safe
rule here is to check the journal in which you want to publish your paper to
determine the tendency.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 357
Completing an Introduction
Sometimes more than one sentence is necessary to complete Move 3a, as in
Sentence b from the paper in Task Five. Here are two examples of Move 3,
one from a paper entitled “The Development of Culturally-Sensitive
Measures for Research on Ageing” and the other from an Aerospace Engineering article entitled “High Angle-of-Attack Calculations of the Subsonic
Vortex Flow in Slender Bodies.”
In this paper, I describe a field test of Krause’s multi-method
approach to the construction of a culturally-grounded measure for
older people in Thailand. A step-by-step elucidation of the approach
is presented, as well as an examination of the benefits and problems
associated with this mixed-method approach. In addition, the paper
discusses issues that gerontology researchers should consider when
deciding whether and how to develop a measure that is grounded in
the culture for which it is intended.
lngersoll”Dayton, 2011.
The present work extends the use of the last model to asymmetric,
body-vortex cases, thus increasing the range of flow patterns that
can be investigated. In addition, an effort is made to improve the
numerical procedure to accelerate the convergence of the iterative
solution and to get a better rollup of the vortex lines representing
the wake.
Almosnino, 1984.
These secondary statements are often introduced by such language as
In addition, .. .
Additionallv. .. .
A secondary aim … .
A further reason for . .. .
358 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Wy l&.;&
TASK SIXTEEN
Revise your Move 3a (Task Four). Be creative in terms of the
research project you might undertake.
Read the table, which provides the Google Scholar hits for some
Move 3a expressions obtained in May 2012. Then update the results
for today’s date. What might you conclude from both sets of figures?
Look at some of the first examples for the was to and the has been
to entries. Can you draw any conclusions?
Hits Spring
Expression 2012 Hits Now
The purpose of this paper is to . 340,000
The purpose of this paper was to . .. 19,300
The purpose of this paper has been to . 6,300
The purpose of this paper will be to . 1,780
The purpose of the present paper is to . 66,000
The purpose of the present paper was to .. 2,410
The purpose of the present paper has been to . 248
The purpose of the present paper will be to … 65
E’ ! I reB
In Figure 16 we listed four other elements that can be found at the end of
Introduction sections. (There may be others, such as a depiction of the statistical measures employed.) The four elements are arranged in the most
likely order of occurrence.
3b. by listing research questions or hypotheses
3c. by annonncing principal findings
3d. by stating the value of the present research
3e. by indicating the structure of the RF
In all cases, remember the acronym PISF (probable in some fields but not
in others).
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 359
22
TASK SEVENTEEN
In your field, is it probable or improbable tbat an RP would have
any or all tbe elements listed under 3b-e? What does your reference
collection indicate? Be prepared to discuss your conclusions.
1&
listing Research Questions
Here is Move 3 from the article entitled “Keeping Up One’s Appearance,”
which includes this element. The authors’ Move 3 includes both 3a and 3b.
Move 3a
This paper uses a sample to investigate whether one’s
(a) occupational status influences the importance one attributes
to maintaining overall appearance, and (b) occupation influences
one’s choice of type of hairgrooming establishment.
Move 3b
Specifically, we test two hypotheses:
Hypothesis 1 … .
Hypothesis 2 … .
Announcing Principal Findings
There is some confusion as to whether RP Introductions should close with a
statement of the principal results. One early investigation (Swales and Najjar, 1987) found that physicists do this about half the time but that educational researchers hardly ever include such statements. One useful guideline
is to ask yourself whether the RP will open with an abstract. If there is an
abstract, do you need to give the main findings three times: in the abstract,
in the Introduction, and in the Results section? We think not. If there is no
abstract, you may wish to reconsider. Another suggestion would be to follow
standard practice in your field-or ask your advisor.
Finally, we need to remember that as the number of research papers continues to increase, so does the competition for readers. As a result, the need
for promotion has tended to increase this feature, perhaps especially in
360 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Engineering papers. Further evidence for this comes from a recent requirement by a major publisher of scienrific journals rhat all articles now list 4-5
highlights following the abstract.
Stating Value
You may also want to consider whethet to mention at this stage anything
about the contribution your research will make. Of course, you will do this
in the Discussion section in any case. Note that, as is typical of many biomedical papers, the authors of a paper on vaccine monitoring squeeze a
value statement into the Introduction.
We show how this classification system might permit more
accurate evaluation of safety concerns for rare immunemediated adverse events that may occur following vaccination.
thus enhancing our ability to properly identify and analyze
associations in clinical trials and post-licensure surveillance.
If you opt for a value statement, it might be wise to be cautious and to use
qualifications (see Unit Four).
Outlining the Structure of the Text
A final option is to consider whether you need to explain how your text is
organized. This element is obligatory in dissertations and theses but is only
included in RPs under certain circumstances. One such circumstance arises
when your text is unusual in some way, such as not using a standard IMRD
format. Such a field would be Economics. Another arises if you are working
in a relatively new field. Cooper (1985) and a number of later researchers
(e.g., Shehzad, 2007) have found, for example, that outlining the RP structure is common in Computer Technology and in many other technological
areas. On the other hand, it is rare in Biochemistry (Kanoksilapatham,
2007). Ask yourself, therefore, whether your anticipated readers need to
have the organization of the RP explained.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 361
Here is a useful example of a textual outline, well-motivated by the
unusual structure of the paper. Notice how it uses a good variety of sentence
structures. The paper is about currency rates in the European Economic
Community and was written by one of our students.
AiB
The plan of this paper is as follows. Section II describes the
current arrangements for regulating business mergers within
the EEC. In Section III a theoretical model is constructed which
is designed to capture these arrangements. Experimental
parameters are then tested in Section IV. Finally, Section V
offers some suggestions for the modification of the current
mechanisms.
Pierre Martin, minor editing
3
TASK EIGHTEEN
Read this textual outline by another of our students. Notice how it
is different from the example. What, if any; changes would you
make?
The rest of the paper is organized as follows. Section 2 presents
the theoretical concept of fuzzy expert systems. Section 3
discusses fuzzy-interpolative methodology. Section 4 presents
the fuzzy-interpolative ADL matrix. Section 5 presents a
numerical example of the FI-ADL matrix and graphical
representations. Finally, the conclusion discusses how this
tool may be implemented in any software environment.
John Lebens, minor editing
au
We statted this section with a complete Introduction from the humanities.
We now close it with one from the field of Biostatistics. It comes from a
journal called Controlled Clinical Trials.
362 ACADEMIC WRITING FDR GRADUATE STUDENTS
1 m
TASK NINETEEN
Read the Introduction and answer the questions on page 363.
Fraud in Medical Research:
An International Survey of Biostatisticians
Ranstam. J.. Buyse. M., George, S. l., Evans,S., Geller, N. l.,
Scherrer, B., Lesaffre, E., Murray, G., Edler, G., Hutton, j. l.,
Colton, T., and Lachenbruch, P. (2000).
Controlled Clinical Trials, 21,415-427.
o The public awareness of scientific fraud has increased remarkably since the late 1980s when a controversy made front-page news,
in which a paper investigated for fraud had as co·author a Nobel
laureate [1]. 11) During the 1990s scientific fraud was disclosed on
numerous occasions [2] .• In fact, it was recently suggested that
fraud now is “endemic in many scientific disciplines and in most
countries” [3]. ” However, the clandestine character and conse·
quentiallack of reliable information make it difficult to study
scientific fraud. 0 The characteristics and frequency of scientific
fraud, therefore, are generally unknown, and its impact on medical
research is unclear.
o Biostatisticians routinely work closely with physicians and
scientists in many branches of medical research and have unique
insight into data. e In addition, they have the methodological
competence to detect fraud and could be expected to have a special
professional interest in the validity of results. 0 Biostatisticians
therefore could provide unique and reliable information on the
characteristics of fraud in medical research.
ei) The objective of this study was to assess the characteristics
of fraud in medical research by surveying members of the International Society of Clinical Biostatistics (lsCB).
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER /I
1. Underline all words and phrases in the first three sentences that
help establish the research territory.
2. What does clandestine in Sentence 4 mean?
3. IdentifY all the linking words and phrases. What are their
functions?
4. Where and how is the gap established?
5. Using the analysis in Figure 16, it is quite easy to show how all
of the sentences, except for Sentences 6-8, fit into the model.
How would you interpret those three sentences?
, TASK TWENTY
Write or re-write an RP Introduction of your own.
GLL £ illlE 12J!! us
Discussion Sections
363
.
By the time YOll have reached the Discussion section stage in an empirical
research paper, you might think that all your hard work is largely over. You
might, fot instance, be thinking: “All I have to do now is sum up what I have
done and then make a few general remarks about what I did.” Unfortunately, matters are rarely this simple. A main reason is that this part-genre
can be very variable, both in labeling and in substance, due to varying expectations regarding what to include. We explore this further in the next task.
364 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
j un
TASK TWENTY-ONE
Answer the questions with a partner.
1. The last parts of an RP might be labeled (and divided) in one of
these ways. Do you know of any others?
Results and Discussion (combined)
Results and Discussion (separate)
Results and Conclnsions (separate)
Results, Discussion, and Conclusions (all separate)
Summary and Conclusions (separate)
Other? ________________________________________ _
In your reference collection which, if any, are the most common?
Are there alternative labels or arrangements? Be prepared to discuss
your findings.
2. Do you agree (A) or disagree (D) with these statements?
a. Discussion sections should be short and to the point. It
is better to let Results sections speak largely for themselves.
__ b. A long Discussion section shows that the author or
authors are able to reflect intelligently on what was
found.
c. A long Discussion section is just an opportunity for
authors to promote their own research and thus themselves.
d. Conclusions are rarely necessary. Readers can draw their
own conclusions. If readers want a summary, they can
always read the abstract.
e. In these days of rapidly increasing numbers of published
research papers, Conclusions are valuable because they
can highlight the “take home message” of the study.
f. There is no point in trying to decide whether short or
long Discussion sections in a particular field are better.
It all depends on the piece of research being reported.
Some research projects will need an extensive Discussion
section; others will not.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 365
It is therefore not so easy to provide useful guidelines fot writing Discussion
or Conclusion sections. (We will not distinguish between these two terms
since the difference is partly conventional, depending on traditions in particular fields and journals.)
A further factor that leads to variation is the position of the Discussion
section in the RP. By the time readers reach the Discussion section,
authors can assume a fair amount of shared knowledge. They can assume
(if not always correctly) that the reader has understood the purpose of the
study, obtained a sense of the methodology, and followed the results.
Authors can use this understanding to pick and choose what to concentrate on in the Discussion section. As a result, they typically have greater
freedom than in the Introduction.
Overall, in published research papers, Results sections deal with factual
statements and their interpretation, while Discussion sections deal with the
claims that might be made, especially new knowledge claims. Here is an
extract from a recent study of Discussions sections in RPs in the field of
Experimental Physics. In fact, the extract consists of the first two sentences
in the author’s own Discussion!
5. Discussion
I have argued above that the Discussion section provides an
argument that leads the reader from the proof of the data
(whose meaning is open to inspection in graphs and tables
and is, if the author’s method is uncontroversial) to the proof
of the claim. The claim is not open to inspection by merely
inspecting the data and requires careful argument concerning
the cause of the results, and the conditions required by the
results.
Parkinson, 2011, 174.
Of course, this is Physics, and in most fields we would not expect actual
“proof of the claim,” but rather “support for the claim.”
Discussions, then, often need to be more than summaries. They should
go beyond the results. As Weissberg and Buker have noted, “In the discussion section you should step back and take a broad look at your findings and
your study as a whole” (1990, 160).
366 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
So, in contrast to Results sections, we might expect Discussion sections
to be
• more theoretical.
• more abstract.
• more general.
• more integrated with the field.
• more connected to the real world.
• more concerned with implications and applications.
• more likely to discuss the limitations of the study.
TASK TWENTY-TWO
Here is an adaption of the final section of the bridges paper that we
discussed earlier in this unit (see page 335). It consists of an opening paragraph and then eight short bulleted sections. (The “case
study” referred to concerns a bridge the authors eqnipped with
experimental monitoring equipment.) We have deleted some short
sections for ease of discussion. Answer the questions on pages
367-368.
4 SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS
o The corrosion·induced deterioration of highway bridges
can have serious consequences. 0 This article proposed a
probabilistic modeling approach based on durability monitoring for improving the life cycle performance predictions of
aging concrete bridge decks built in corrosive environments.
o Its application and benefits were demonstrated on a case
study of rebuilt RC barrier walls on a highway bridge near
Montreal, Canada. e The following conclusions and recom·
mendations are suggested.
o Given the uncertainties associated with these
parameters governing the service life of RC bridges
exposed to chlorides, the use of probabilistic analysis
methods are [sic] required .
• (it The proposed approach can be used on any RC
elements of bridge decks as long as the governing
corrosion parameters could be monitored on site and
fed to the probabilistic mechanistic prediction models.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II
e Recommendations were provided for applying the
proposed approach to a given network of bridges.
o A two· level decision process based on two types of
deterioration models were suggested, in which critically
damaged bridges are first identified by using simplified
Markovian cumulative damage models, and then analyzed using the proposed durability monitoring and
probabilistic mechanistic modeling approach.
367
1. In your view, which of the bulleted sections contains the authors’
major claim (in terms of generality, etc.)?
2. The final section offers recommendations. If there were an additional bulleted section, what might it contain?
3. Would you say that the opening paragraph provides a general reorientation for the reader to open the final section, a short
abstract of the article as whole, or perhaps both?
4. Look at the final short sentence in the opening paragraph. Do
you prefer either of these alternatives?
a. Below we provide conclusions, followed by recommendations.
b. The following conclusions are offired and then some recommendations are made.
5. The word given occurs at the beginning of Sentence 5 and again
in Sentence 7. Do they have the same meaning? If not, how are
they different?
6. The second sentence of the opening paragraph starts with This
article proposed. . .. What do think of this tense usage?
7. One linguistic feature of this text (and of many similar texts) is
the frequent use of past participles used as adjectival modifiers.
In the opening paragraph, we can find corrosion-induced and
rebuilt. What other examples can you find?
8. It is often said that the closing section of the Engineering papers
are becoming increasingly ”’promotional.” Do you see evidence
for or against “promotionalism” in this section?
368 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
The Structure of Discussion Sections
There have been a fair number of studies on this topic since the original
paper by Hopkins and Dudley-Evans (1988), such as Bitchener and Basturkrnen (2006) and Parkinson (2011). To date, this research has covered
Discussion sections in Biology, Biochemistry, Physics, Applied Linguistics,
Education, and fields in the social sciences. These papers largely point to the
same kinds of sttucture, but the terminologies used to describe the moves
are rather different. Because of this, we have attempted to consolidate these
findings in Figure 18.
FIGURE 18. The Structure of Discussion/Conclusion Sections
Move I-Background information optional, but PISF
(research purposes, theory, methodology)
!
Move 2–Summarizing and reporting key results obligatory
!
Move 3–Commenting on the key results obligatory
(making claims, explaining the results,
comparing the new work with the previous
studies, offering alternative explanations)
!
Move +-Stating the limitations of the study optional, but PISF
!
Move 5-Malting recommendations for future optional
implementation andlor for future research
PISF = probable in some fields
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 369
Here are some thoughts on Figure 18.
l. The basic purpose of Move 1 in the Discussion is to contextualize the
study and, in so doing, to consolidate the research space.
2. In most Discussion sections, the majority of the space is taken up by
Moves 2 and 3. As we saw in Results sections, typically there are recycled sequences of Move 2 and Move 3. Berkenkotter and Huckin
(1995) describe this process as working from “the inside out”; writers
refer first to their srudy and then relate to previous work in their field.
3. Basturkmen (2009) found that one of the major differences berween
published and student work in language teaching research was that the
former much more frequently offered alternative explanations. She
offers a number of possible explanations for this difference: Published
writers have a deeper knowledge of available theories; they are able to
come up with cognitively challenging novel explanations; and they can
increase the “news value” of their work by extending the narrow focus
of their studies in these ways.
4. There is some evidence that in “big science,” such as Pharmacology,
suggestions for forther research may be on the decline. Large research
groups may not want to give ideas to theif rivals!
5. At this point, you might want to observe that Moves 1-3 (except alternative explanations) and Moves 4-5 seem to be working in opposite
directions. Why, you may ask, would authors build up something in
order to apparently undermine it later? However, if we remember
positioning, we can see that authors can position themselves very effectively by
highlighting intelligently the strengths of the study
and
highlighting intelligently its weaknesses.
tAU in if ” KG
TASK TWENTY-THREE
Take three of the papers from your reference collection. What
moves can you identify in the Discussion and Conclusions section?
Prepare to discuss your findings with others.
£ m£ ax £ J rid} t ,J ;
370 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Earlier in this unit we discussed some data from the Swales and Leeder paper
that examined which of the articles published in English for Specific Purposes
during the 1990-1999 period had received the most citations and attempted
to explain why.
TASK TWENTY-FOUR
Here are six sentences (some slighrly edited) taken from the Conclusions and Implications section of the Swales and Leeder (2012)
paper. Can you re-assemble them into their original order?
a. Further down the rankings, one could also note Myers’
important conclusions of what a textbook is educationally
good for and less good for.
h. So, despite this uncertainty, we can recommend an alternative approach to a well-explored discipline, a standard study
but of an under-researched area, Of an unusual topic in a
well-known genre.
c. Although it is hard in some ways to draw firm conclusions
from our data, there is litrle doubt that three general factors have led to the citational success of the 15 articles in
our core group: choosing academic English; using discourse
analysis; and having something new to say.
d. Since this paper has investigated part of the story of the
English for Specific Purposes Journal in the 1990s, comparable stories of the preceding and the following decade will
likely turn out to be very different.
e. We can see this in Mauranen’s innovative metaphorical
contrast between her two groups of economists and in
Salager-Meyer’s powerful quantitative analysis.
__ f. In consequence, the implications for today’s rising young
scholars (both NS and NNS) must remain tentative.
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER 1/ 371
~ Language Focus: Levels of Generalization
In the Results sections, some statements may be quite specific and closely
tied to the data.
As can be seen in Table 1, 84% of the students performed
above the 12th grade level.
Seven out of eight experimental samples resisted corrosion
longer than the controls.
On the other hand, in the abstract Of in a summary, space restrictions may
lead to a high level of generality.
The results indicate that the students performed above the
12th grade level.
The experimental samples resisted corrosion longer than the
controls.
In the Discussion section, we usually expect something in between these
two levels. A common device is to use one of the following “phrases of
generality. ”
Overall,
In general,
On the whole,
In the main,
With … exception(s),
The overall results indicate ….
The results indicate, overall, that ….
In general, the experimental samples resisted ….
With one exception, the experimental samples resisted ….
372 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
limitations in Discussions Sections
We saw in Introduction Move 25 that extensive negative language was a possible option. In contrast, Discussion Move 45 tend to use less negative language. The main reason is obvious; it is now your own research that you are
talking about. Another reason is that many limitation statements in Discussions are not so much about the weaknesses in the research as about what
cannot be concluded from the study in question. Producing statements of this
kind provides an excellent opportunity for writers to show that they understand how evidence is evaluated in a particular field.
@ Language Focus: Expressions of Limitations
Here are some typical formulations for stating lilnitations in one)s research
scope.
It should be noted that this study has been primarily
concerned with ….
This analysis has concentrated on …..
The findings of this study are restricted to … .
This study has addressed only the question of … .
The limitations of this study are clear: ….
We would like to point out that we have not ….
Here are some typical openings for statements that firmly state that certain
conclusions should not be drawn.
However, the findings do not imply ….
The results of this study cannot be taken as evidence for … .
Unfortunately, we are unable to determine from this data … .
The lack of … means that we cannot be certain ….
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 373
We said earlier that Move 4s are optional in Discussion sections. If you feel
it is unnecessary to comment on your work in either of these two ways, a
useful alternative is to place the limitation in an opening phrase. At least, it
does express academic modesty.
Notwithstanding its limitations. this study does suggest ….
Despite its preliminary character. the research reported here
would seem to indicate ….
However exploratory, this study may offer some insight into ….
:u;;;;; ill; 00; H jJ 1 51% £ !ZdJ:AJJjJ j “‘ j
TASK TWENTY-FIVE
Write a short limitations section for either the bridges text or a
paper of your own. Be creative.
& j -M
TASK TWENTY-SIX
Here we return to a paper dealt with in Unit Seven-the paper on
how hospitalized children deal with pain by Polkki et al. (2003). Read
the Discussion one section at a time and then discuss the questions
for each section (on the righthand side) before moving on to the next.
6.1. Relevance of the results
to nursing practice
o This interview study indicated that
hospitalized children. aged 8-12 yrs. old.
are capable of describing the methods for
relieving pain. 8 The results are consistent
with earlier studies conducted among
pediatric patients (Savedra et al.. 1982;
P61kki et al.. 1999; Pederson et al.. 2000).
o In order to achieve the children’s own
perspective, however. the children should
be asked about the methods that could
Questions for 6.1
1. What is the purpose of
the opening sentence?
Does this kind of
opening seem effective or would you suggest something else?
For example. should
the authors have
restated what they
did? Explain.
374 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
potentially alleviate their pain, as well as
their suggestions regarding the implementation of pain relief measures. e Due to
their tendency to be independent, school·
aged children may conceal their pain and
be reluctant to request help from others
(cf. Lutz, 1986; Woodgate and Kristjanson,
1995).0 This phenomenon in the children
requires specific attention, despite the fact
that a certain level of cognitive maturity is
achieved during the school-aged period,
and a much broader array of non-pharmacological methods are appropriate to use
at this age (Vessey and Carlson, 1996).
Cit All of the children reported that the
nurses had used at least two pain-relieving
methods and that parents used at least
one method. e Almost all of the children
2. Why is Sentence 2
important? Can you
think of other ways to
show how new work
favorably compares
with old? What could
the authors have written if they had found
something quite different from previous
studies?
3. What seems to be the
purpose of Sentences
3-5?
related that administering pain medication 4. What verb tenses are
and helping with daily activities were the used? Can you
methods most frequently used by nurses explain why each was
to relieve their pain. 0 Conversely, the used? Is this similar
methods of distraction, presence, positive to Discussion sections
reinforcement and helping with daily activi- in your field?
ties were the most popular methods used
by the parents according to the children’s
descriptions. 0 While 38 children reported
that the presence of their mother/father
helped them to feel less pain, only four
children reported that this strategy was
implemented by nurses. EI& This may be
explained by the nurses’ lack of time to sit
beside the child, but also by different roles
between the nurses and the parents in a
child’s care. 6) On the whole the parents
seemed to provide more emotional support
5. How many of the sen·
tences in 6.1 refer to
previous literature?
Does this seem like
too many, too few, or
just the right amount?
Why?
6. How strong are the
claims? Does this seem
appropriate? Why?
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II
to their hospitalized children than the
nurses. [The last two sentences have been
omitted.]
e Many children had suggestions to the
nurses, but only a few to the parents con·
cerning the implementation of surgical
pain relief measures. e This may indicate
that the children expect the nurses to
know how to care for them and relieve
their pain (cf. Alex and Ritchie, 1992),
whereas the children do not have specific
expectations of their parents other than
simply to “stay with me more.” ID In order
to improve nursing care for children with
postoperative pain the recommendations
provided by children to nurses, such as
creating a more comfortable environment
(especially minimizing noise problems),
giving more or stronger pain medication
without delay, as well as visiting regularly
or staying with the child more, should be
taken seriously into account in nursing
practice.
375
7. Where do the authors
try to clarify what the
results mean?
8. How should we
understand cf, in
Sentence 13?
9. How important is
Sentence 14? Why?
6.2 Reliability and Validity Questions for 6.2
e Use of the interview as a data collec· 10. What is gained by
tion method allowed the children to express including this sec·
their own perspectives regarding the meth· tion? How important
ods of relieving their pain in the hospital; do you think this
CD however, there were some defects that section is?
may potentially prevent the attainment of
purpose. Q) First, some children may have 11. How strongly do the
tried to provide favorable answers during authors present their
the interview even though the researcher concerns? Do you
reminded them that there were no right or think that they have
wrong answers. CD Secondly, there were reason to be con·
practical problems that may have disturbed cerned? Why?
,-_ …
376 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
some children’s ability to concentrate on 12. Would you characterrelating their experiences. 4» For example, ize their concerns as
practical issues independent of the defects? Can you
researcher included conducting the inter- think of any alternaviews just prior to the child’s discharge, tives to defects?
and use of the unfamiliar hospital room
as the place for conducting the interviews.
fl!) An interesting question is whether the
results would have been different if the
children had been asked open-ended
questions as opposed to forced-choice
questions regarding the methods of pain
relief (cf. Branson et aI., 1990). Q) The use
of triangulation, such as observing the
children during their hospitalization, may
have increased the validity of the results.
4» Talking with the children after the data
had been analyzed may also have increased
the validity of the results (face-validity)
(Downe-Wamboldt, 1992; Polit and Hungler, 1999). fl) However, the children were
asked during the interview to clarify
unclear responses by questioning such as
“What do you mean by this” or “Could you
tell me more about this.” 6) The researcher
also often summarized or paraphrased
the responses to the children at the end
of each theme in order to make valid
interpretations of the data.
G In order to improve the validity
and reliability of the study the researcher
attempted to establish a confidential
relationship with the child and minimized
noise problems during the interview.
6) The researcher personally collected and
analyzed the data, and coded the formed
categories three times at 1-month intervals
13. What is the order of
information in Sen H
tence 15 and the
clause in 16? Good
news first and then
bad news, or the
reverse? Why did the
authors choose this
pattern? And why
did they choose to
use a semicolon
between the two
points?
14. In Sentence 20 the
indirect question is
described as inter,
esting. Does this
sentence state a limitation or a topic
worth thinking
about? Do the
authors offer an
answer? Why?
15. In Section 6.1, the
authors wrote This
may indicate that . ..
(Sentence 13). In
Section 6.2 they
wrote … may have
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 377
•
(intrarater reliability). G The discrepancies
in the categories were resolved through
discussion with two independent researchers
(panel of experts). GI The data were quanti·
fied, which is justified in the use of content analysis, in order to give the reader
tried . .. (Sentence
17). How do you
explain the difference in the verb
forms?
a tangible basis for assessing what the 16. In Sentences 21-22,
analyst claims are the important patterns are the authors talkin the data and improve on impressionistic ing about what they
judgements of the frequencies of cate- did or what they
gories (Morgan, 1993). 0 The validity of might have done?
the formed categories in this study was How did you decide?
supported by previous relevant research
in the area of pain relieving methods in
pediatric patients (Downe-Wamboldt,
1992).
6.3 Challenges for future research Questions for 6.3
Eli) This study provided new information 17. How important is
regarding the implementation of pain reliev- this section to the
ing methods from the children’s perspective overall Discussion?
in a hospital setting; ED however, more Can you think of
research is required in this area in order to good reasons for
validate and expand on the discoveries of and against includthis study. ED More research is required on ing such a section?
the children’s experiences regarding help
received from nurses and parents for
relieving pain. G Also, it would be interesting to investigate the roles of the other
family members and friends in the child’s
pain relief. G One of the challenges for
future research is to test effective interventions for surgical pain relief in pediatric
patients, which should not be restricted
only to the non-pharmacological methods
implemented by nurses in the hospital.
18. Review the moves
provided in Figure
18. Which moves
can you find in this
Discussion? Do they
follow the order proposed in the figure?
I ; @i!!
378 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
If you wish to write a longer Discussion section, follow the shape recommended in Figure 19. Begin with specifics and then move toward the more
general.
FIGURE 19. Shape of a Longer Discussion
/ Paragraph or Section ~
/ Paragraph or Section ~ ~
/ Paragraph or Section
ruM
TASK TWENTY-SEVEN
Write Of fe-write a Discussion section for your own research. If you
are working with others, collaborate with them. If your original
paper lacked a Move 4 andlor a Move 5, add these to your new
draft.
Unfinished Business
H1
Although we have now gone through the four main sections of the RP, there
remain some other matters to be attended to. Obviously, there is the question of a tide. Then there is an abstract. You may need a short aclmowledgments section. Finally, the references have to be in good order.
Titles
Although the tide comes first in an RP, it may sometimes be written last. Its
final form may be long delayed and much thought about and argued over
even if some authors prefer to think of a tide early in the writing process to
have a clear focus. Regardless of when tides are created, authors know that
they are important. They know that the RP will be known by its tide, and
they know that a successful tide will attract readers while an unsuccessful
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER /I 379
one will discourage readers. What, then, are the requirements for good RP
titles? In general, we suggest these three.
. The title should indicate the topic of the study.
2. The title should indicate the scope of the study (i.e., neither overstating nor understating its significance).
3. The title should be self-explanatory to readers in the chosen area.
In some cases it may also be helpful to indicate the nature of the study
(experiment, case report, survey, etc.), but this is not always required. Notice
that we have so far not mentioned anything about the language of titles,
such as the number of words and the presence or absence of colons or of
verbs or of qualifications, such as A preliminary study of … This is because
there are marked disciplinary preferences when it comes to titles. Further,
each journal makes available author guidelines, which may dictate what you
can do.
Civil Engineering (and similar fields)
In the journal that published the bridges text, the article titles in more than
90 percent of the cases consist of only noun phrases and prepositions. Here
are six examples.
• On-Site Measurements of Corrosion Rate of Reinforcements
• Bridge Reliability Assessment Based on Monitoring
• Chloride Corrosion in Danish Bridge Columns
• An Engineering Approach to Multicriteria Optimization of
Bridge Structures
• Influence of Cracks on Chloride Ingress into Concrete
• Chloride Profiles in Salty Concrete
Surgery (and similar fields)
There are 39 original articles in the September 2011 issue of the Annals of
Thoracic Surgery. Most of their titles are also in the nominal style we saw in
Engineering, such as these examples.
• Efficacy and Safety of Aprotinin in Neonatal Congenital Heart
Operations
• Thirty-Year Experience with the Artificial Switch Operation
380 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
However, there were ten that contained finite verbs and so looked like
sentences (or questions). Here are four examples. Note that in the first three
the title provides the conclusion of the study and the fourth simply poses a
question.
• Long-Term Survival and Quality of Life Justify Cardiac
Surgery in the Very Elderly Patient
• Small Prosthesis Size in Aortic Valve Replacement Does Not
Affect Mortality
• Anemia Before Coronary Artery Bypass Surgery as Additional
Risk Factor Increases the Perioperative Risk
• Should Heart Transplant Recipients with Early Graft Failure
Be Considered for Retransplanation?
Applied Language Studies
If we turn to the 15 article references in the Parkinson paper cited on page
365 in our focus on Discussion sections, we see another disciplinary preference-the use of colons. In fact, seven of the 15 article titles cited by Parkinson have colons. Here are four.
• An Exploration of a Genre Set: RA Abstracts and Introductions
in Two Disciplines
• Genre Analysis: An Approach to Text Analysis in ESP
• Methods Sections of Management RAs: A Pedagogically
Motivated Qualitative Study
• Engineering English: A Lexical Frequency Instructional
Model
There are two further options in tides that are worth pointing out. One is
the use of verb + ing particles, as in these examples.
• Exploring the Deterioration Factors of Bridges
• Analyzing Genres: Functional Parameters
8: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER II 381
The other is the use of qualifYing elements: What differences do you see
between the following pairs of tides?
1 a. On the Use of the Passive in Journal Articles
1 b. The Use of the Passive in Journal Articles
2a. A Study of Research Article Results Sections
2b. A Preliminary Study of Research Article Results Sections
3a. An Analysis of Errors in Period Placement
3b. Toward an Analysis of Errors in Period Placement
4a. The Role of Urban Planners
4b. A Possible Role for Urban Planners
TASK TWENTY-EIGHT
Analyze these ten tides of papers that we have either used or cited
in one of the eight units of this book. Record your findings in the
chart on page 382. The first one has been done for you.
1. Does Self-Citation Pay?
2. A Duty to Forget? The ‘Hider Youth Generation’ and the
Transition from Nazism to Communism in Postwar East
Germany, c. 1945-49
3 . Fog-Water Collection in Arid Coastal Locations
4. A Piewelectric Frequency-Increased Power Generator for
Scavenging Low-Frequency Ambient Vibration
5. Caffeinated Energy Drinks-A Growing Problem
6. Design of a Haptic Gas Pedal for Active Car-Following Support
7. So, What is the Problem this Book Addresses? Interactions in
Book Reviews
8. Consumer Decisions in the Black Market for Stolen or
Counterfeit Goods
9. The Increasing Dominance of Teams in Production of
Knowledge
10. Keeping Up One’s Appearance: Its Importance and the Choice
of Type of Hair-Grooming Establishment
382 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Title ‘~.U’”
