This is for rewriting and editing work for college transfer essays. The 1st draf

This is for rewriting and editing work for college transfer essays. The 1st draft has been attached here, and my comments are inside. The topics for those 4 essays are,
1. Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among
other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest,
race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to
which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
2. Describe the unique qualities that attract you
to the specific undergraduate College or School to which you are applying at
this University. How would that curriculum support your interests?
3. Please provide a statement that addresses your
reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
4. Some students have a background,
identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their
application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then
please share your story.
An additional information about the curriculum of this specific major will be uploaded upon writer selection. Thank you.